Am I wrong?

I have to vent about a friend. She's a GOOD friend of mine but sometimes she just doesn't understand the rules of social etiquette.

I know I've mentioned this before, but my father is very sick. He has been a diabetic for over 40 years, and about 5 years ago he went into kidney failure and was put on dialysis. Dialysis takes its toll and as a result he has had several heart attacks. Because of this, and his age, it's still questionable whether or not he qualifies for the transplant list and whether or not he'll survive surgery. His prospects are not good and I can't even think about what that means for him in the next few years. Needless to say, this issue has consumed my life for the past year or so as my father has been in and out of the hospital every few weeks. I'm extremely distraught and depressed over it, to the point where it has caused problems in my relationship. My "friend" knows all this, and knows that this is a very pressing issue for me right now...

And yet, she continues to send me emails and calls me in a frantic about her boyfriend's father, who has diabetes and will be placed on dialysis imminently, conveying it to me in a manner that makes it seem like this is the end of the world. She has even confessed to me that it's so important because if his father gets sick, it will interfere with their joyous plans to eventually get engaged and she doesn't want anything interrupting their wonderful time together.

I'm so ticked. I feel like she should have the sensitivity to know that crying to me about her boyfriend's father's health condition, that isn't that severe in the least bit, is really insensitive to my situation... she just sent me another 3 page email about his father and her extreme concerns over it and I'm so tempted to write her back and say, um, why am I supposed to care about this? I know it's harsh, but that's how I feel

Message edited 9/22/2006 12:01:40 PM.

Re: Am I wrong?

Beth, I would feel the same way. I don't think you are wrong.

Would you be willing to sit down with her and explain how you feel about her emails in a way that is not too harsh?


Many & to you. I am sorry you are going through this with your dad.

Message edited 9/22/2006 12:05:32 PM.

Re: Am I wrong?

Ok, good to know I'm not being hyper, or, in-sensitive here.

Thank you...

Re: Am I wrong?

No, you aren't wrong. This girl is being insensitive. But I honestly believe that people just don't get it until they have gone through it.

I lost my dad 10 years ago. I know that I didn't fully undestand what it felt like to have sick parent or to lose one until I was in the same shoes. Once my dad passed away, I saw how other people reacted to me. My sister and I even had a running list of the crazy insensitive things people said to us (like when one of my mom's friends asked how he was doing and I told her she had passed and she said "you're kidding" )

People don't just get it.

I would explain to her how you are feeling. Tell her that when you hear about her bf's dad, it only reminds about your own dad's condition which weighs on you.
If she still doesn't get it, then you will have to be more blunt and harsh!

for you!! L'Shana Tova! I'll be praying for you and your family this Rosh Hashanah.

Re: Am I wrong?

Posted by Shellyesq

No, you aren't wrong. This girl is being insensitive. But I honestly believe that people just don't get it until they have gone through it.

I lost my dad 10 years ago. I know that I didn't fully undestand what it felt like to have sick parent or to lose one until I was in the same shoes. Once my dad passed away, I saw how other people reacted to me. My sister and I even had a running list of the crazy insensitive things people said to us (like when one of my mom's friends asked how he was doing and I told her she had passed and she said "you're kidding" )

People don't just get it.

I would explain to her how you are feeling. Tell her that when you hear about her bf's dad, it only reminds about your own dad's condition which weighs on you.
If she still doesn't get it, then you will have to be more blunt and harsh!

for you!! L'Shana Tova! I'll be praying for you and your family this Rosh Hashanah.