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jillee03
LIF Adult
Member since 8/05 953 total posts
Name:
Jill
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Resources for preemie moms
Anyone have any good resources
Even a beautiful poem or website etc. My sis in law gave birth at 29 weeks and I'm trying to find some words to comfort her
Her biggest belief is everything happens for a reason but she can't wrap her finger around this
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Posted 2/17/14 6:38 AM  |
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ISpoilHim
I think I got this
Member since 11/10 1523 total posts
Name:
K
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Resources for preemie moms
I don't remember anything from when my DS was in the NICU.
One of the greatest comforts for me at the time though was people being around. My baby shower had been scheduled for the weekend after DS was born. It was discussed canceling and I did not want it to be. It was great to have a day with friends and family around that was all about DS. I remember sharing pictures and telling stories about DS.
Also your SIL needs to know it's OK to take a day off from the NICU. I was there everyday and finally someone told me take a day off. I did and it was kind of refreshing. The staff in the NICU really does take care of the babies.
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| Posted 2/17/14 8:33 AM |
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Snoopy36
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/13 665 total posts
Name:
Caille
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Re: Resources for preemie moms
there is a wonderful message board on babycenter.com for preemie parents. i wish i had known about it when my son was an infant! there is A TON of info & great support there!!
i'm not sure if she is religous, but i always found this to be meaningful when i went through the guilt feeling of giving birth to a preemie (my son was born at 34w)
How God Chooses Preemie Mothers
Author Unknown
Did you ever wonder how mothers of premature babies are chosen? Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation.
As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger. "Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew. Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia. Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint. . .give her Gerard. He's used to profanity." Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a preemie."
The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy." "Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel."
"But does she have the patience?" asks the angel. "I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off she'll handle it.
"I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of its own. She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."
"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you." God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just the right amount of selfishness." The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?" God nods.
"If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied.
She will never take for granted a spoken word.
She will never consider a step ordinary.
When her child says momma for the first time,
she will be witness to a miracle and know it.
I will permit her to see clearly the things I see, ignorance, cruelty, prejudice--and allow her to rise above them.
She will never be alone.
I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."
"And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air.
God smiles.
"A mirror will suffice
my son is now 3 years old. you can tell your sister that when her LO is running around saying the funniest things, the days of the NICU will be a blur!!! hugs to her! 
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| Posted 2/17/14 9:29 AM |
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Re: Resources for preemie moms
Posted by ISpoilHim
I don't remember anything from when my DS was in the NICU.
One of the greatest comforts for me at the time though was people being around. My baby shower had been scheduled for the weekend after DS was born. It was discussed canceling and I did not want it to be. It was great to have a day with friends and family around that was all about DS. I remember sharing pictures and telling stories about DS.
Also your SIL needs to know it's OK to take a day off from the NICU. I was there everyday and finally someone told me take a day off. I did and it was kind of refreshing. The staff in the NICU really does take care of the babies.
This.
My nieces were preemies and family took shifts going to the hospital.
One of my friends had her son early and they still had the shower for her......she just brought him once he was cleared to go home.
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| Posted 2/17/14 9:36 AM |
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Dolphinsbaby
My 3 little guys!
Member since 12/10 2943 total posts
Name:
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Re: Resources for preemie moms
There's is a website called preemiestore.com. They sell stuff for micropreemies (1-3 lbs), preemies (3-5 lbs) and newborn. They have journals and a bunch of other stuff too. When my friend had her daughter, I bought her an outit from here and a scrapbook card that had a bottle and said today I finished an entire bottle and a place to write the date in.
My friend just kept saying I don't think she'll ever finish a bottle so it was very meaningful the day she filled out that card. She cried so much when I gave her the gift and the nurses were so nice and help put the baby in the clothes and she and I were both moved to tears. We took tons of pics.
Good luck. It's not an easy road. Sending tons of  . It's great she has a support system. So important.
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| Posted 2/17/14 9:54 AM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Resources for preemie moms
There is an organization I work with called Bee Mighty. They are based in NC, and assist preemie Moms. There may be something similar in NY. My friend had preemie twin girls at 29 weeks and they are healthy happy and 7 now.
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| Posted 2/17/14 9:58 AM |
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Resources for preemie moms
A good friend of mine hadher son at 27 weeks at 1lb 4oz. She found FB groups that were helpful and leaning on her family and friends. I ended up buying her a journal. Every day she wrote down how the baby was doing and what the doctors were saying and how she felt. She plans on giving it to him when he becomes a father when he truly will understand what she wrote.
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| Posted 2/17/14 10:04 AM |
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ShhhTTCin11
3 under 3?!
Member since 5/11 2229 total posts
Name:
Coleen
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Resources for preemie moms
Snoopy36 - that was beautiful.
I don't know about many resources, but I wonder if the local March of Dimes chapter could give you resources?
There may not necessarily be any words that comfort her. I know that when I had DS, I felt like no one could say the right thing. It killed me when people said "everything happens for a reason", "I'm sure he'll be fine" "awww, he's so small!" I needed people to listen and let me know that they were there when I was ready.
Also, make sure she is eating. Drop off food for her - I think I skipped eating for days after I got home- all the running back and forth to the NICU was hard.
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| Posted 2/17/14 8:41 PM |
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teachermom
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/11 843 total posts
Name:
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Re: Resources for preemie moms
Posted by ourlivesstartnow2012
A good friend of mine hadher son at 27 weeks at 1lb 4oz. She found FB groups that were helpful and leaning on her family and friends. I ended up buying her a journal. Every day she wrote down how the baby was doing and what the doctors were saying and how she felt. She plans on giving it to him when he becomes a father when he truly will understand what she wrote.
This! I wish I knew someone like you ourlivesstartnow2012!
I had preeclampsia and my dd was born at 32 weeks and spent almost a month in the NICU. I felt very alone and found a lot of people online who were going through the same thing or had been there. It is a very delicate situation and even people with the best of intentions just end up saying the wrong things because unless you have had the experience, you can't know how it feels. Be there for her and help her find other people. Also, try to act normal (be excited that she had a baby- focus on the good things, this is why the journal is great) and don't say things like "get some sleep now before the baby comes home."
Nothing against the poem someone posted, but know your friend and think about if that is something that will make her feel better or worse at this stage of the game. I always get upset when I see that poem, I don't feel inspired now and I defiantly didn't then. (no offense to anyone here, everyone is different)
Try to help her take care of herself and her family. It is so hard to focus on anything I didn't after my daughter was born. Bring food over so she doesn't have to cook, babysit her other kids if she needs to go to the NICU etc.
You are a good friend, she's lucky to have you!
Message edited 2/17/2014 8:58:41 PM.
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| Posted 2/17/14 8:53 PM |
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PurpleC
Miracles Do Come True
Member since 8/10 2287 total posts
Name:
Caren
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Re: Resources for preemie moms
I agree with what teachermom said. I had my son at 32 weeks, I was very sick due to preeclampsia and it was also Christmas weekend. My son was an IVF baby, took me forever to conceive him and then boom he came out not breathing and my life was changed. He was rushed out of the delivery room and when we first saw him I knew he was not coming home for a while. His weight was great 5.13 but he had a ton of issues including his first surgery at 2 weeks old. He was in the NICU for a month but I was clueless and had no one to answer questions for me. I remember going out to dinner with friends a few weeks after I had him and how great it felt to be out and the kind gifts my friends gave me. It meant so much to me to have people call and ask how he was. Just be there for her, support her and let her know she is not alone.
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| Posted 2/17/14 9:06 PM |
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KMCGK
Gotta have faith
Member since 7/09 2176 total posts
Name:
Keep the Faith
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Re: Resources for preemie moms
First, I think your friend is lucky to have a friend like you who cares about her well being and situation. That's very kind of you to help her out.
I'm sorry, I don't know of any resources. But, from experience, for me, I wish I would've reached out or communicated more with the other preemie Mothers in the NICU. I think it would've helped if I shared my feelings and talked more about it with others who had walked in my shoes. Everything is new to her and probably overwhelming with Doctor talk (the journal idea is great), I'm sure she could probably use a break now and then just to grab a coffee too.
I definitely agree with the other posters about dropping off some meals, etc to help her out. I found I was always running back and forth, three times a day and having something already prepared would've been great!
HTH!
to your friend and her preemie baby!
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| Posted 2/17/14 9:12 PM |
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reneemarie2
LIF Infant
Member since 7/08 269 total posts
Name:
Renee
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Re: Resources for preemie moms
DS spent 94 days in the NICU last year. Some things I found helpful were:
-I set up a Caring Bridge page to update family and friends. It was exhausting and mentally draining to tell the same story over and over again through phone calls and text messages. This allowed us to write an update, and our family and friends could leave comments.
- Take support from the NICU social worker. She was always around and we chatted often. She was a great resource.
-Participate in a mom or parent group offered in the NICU. This allows you to connect with others who are going through a similar experience. I wish I had connected with others more, because I would love to have those relationships now- one year later.
-I found a FB group called Life After NICU that has been helpful.
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| Posted 2/17/14 10:05 PM |
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Re: Resources for preemie moms
Posted by teachermom
Posted by ourlivesstartnow2012
A good friend of mine hadher son at 27 weeks at 1lb 4oz. She found FB groups that were helpful and leaning on her family and friends. I ended up buying her a journal. Every day she wrote down how the baby was doing and what the doctors were saying and how she felt. She plans on giving it to him when he becomes a father when he truly will understand what she wrote.
This! I wish I knew someone like you ourlivesstartnow2012!
I had preeclampsia and my dd was born at 32 weeks and spent almost a month in the NICU. I felt very alone and found a lot of people online who were going through the same thing or had been there. It is a very delicate situation and even people with the best of intentions just end up saying the wrong things because unless you have had the experience, you can't know how it feels. Be there for her and help her find other people. Also, try to act normal (be excited that she had a baby- focus on the good things, this is why the journal is great) and don't say things like "get some sleep now before the baby comes home."
Nothing against the poem someone posted, but know your friend and think about if that is something that will make her feel better or worse at this stage of the game. I always get upset when I see that poem, I don't feel inspired now and I defiantly didn't then. (no offense to anyone here, everyone is different)
Try to help her take care of herself and her family. It is so hard to focus on anything I didn't after my daughter was born. Bring food over so she doesn't have to cook, babysit her other kids if she needs to go to the NICU etc.
You are a good friend, she's lucky to have you!
Thank you! That's very sweet of you! She was one of my bridesmaids and we were due 10 days apart. When I got the phone call she delivered the baby I cried for about 24 hours. I believe it takes a special person to take on such a toll, especially with all the hormones you feel after giving birth.
My friend found comfort in friends and family. She was in the NICU every day with her little man. She also became EXTREMELY close with the nurses and some of them are now her closest friends. Her son gets PT throught the government since he was a micro premie. Prayer was a big help to her too. She did you social media to update people and tried to always keep a positive outlook. She is a very emotional person and wears her emotionals on her sleeve so the journal was key for her. She went through a hard time about 5 years ago and when I bought her a journal then it helped her get through that so I figured the journal this time around was something to help her and keep her from just staring off into space in the NICU. Her son was there for 75 days. He is now 10 months old (8 months adjusted) and progressing like any 8 month old. I told her when her son reaches my sons weight and height we are opening up a bottle of champagne and celebrating. Every time she goes to the doctor she gives me an update and I cry. Finding other moms out there so she knows she's not alone.
I pray for her and her family!
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| Posted 2/18/14 8:55 AM |
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