I'm feeling guilty

So I just had a talk with DH about my job and the baby and he made me feel like sh!t. In a perfect world I would be a SAHM for the first year, but that's just not possible. As many of you know, I have my own dance studio (my mom's first year in retirement) and I'm only going to be able to take a 2 week maternity leave.
We are very fortunate that our mom's will each watch the baby 2 afternoons a week- I only teach 4 afternoons a week. I will drop Luca off around 2:30-3:00 and DH will come pick him up around 5:30. So really the baby will only be without one of his parents for 3 hours a day, which I don't think is too bad.
But now DH is making me feel guilty that the baby is going to be shuffled around at only a couple of weeks old. DH can't take off from work because he just started his job in July and hasn't aquired enough days- though his company does give him 5 days paternity leave so he'll be home with me and the baby the first week.
I'm just so frustrated. I'm doing the best I can given the situation. And honestly I feel great that I only work part time and will be able to be with Luca as much as I am. But I feel like DH is disappointed in me. I do't know what more I can do.

Re: I'm feeling guilty

I'm sure that everything will work out in the end. At least it is only for a couple of hours a few days a week.

Maybe for the first few weeks your moms can come to your house to watch him.

Re: I'm feeling guilty

Don't let him make you feel guilty. You have to do what you have to do. Luca is going to be fine and adjust to whatever he needs to adjust to. Have you thought about having Dh take off for his paternity leave for the 3rd week instead of when you are going to be home?

Re: I'm feeling guilty

I have the opposite guilt. I plan on staying at home and I feel bad for DH. He said the other night for the first time "Thanks for staying at home, I think its the best thing"-that was the first time he has ever said it out loud. I don't know if he is just trying to convince himself or what..

When the baby is 3 months I really want to find a nanny job where I can bring the baby with me. Its such a tough postition. Its so hard to go from 2 income to 1. Financially we are okay, but we aren't going to be able to save like we did in the past...

It is a constant back and forth battle in my head. I hope come Dec when the baby is actually here, I will feel better about my stay at home status. Right now, due to the move, I have been unemployed, with no baby. I have too much time to sit and feel guilty.

I think your situation sounds perfect. I am guessing that you enjoy teaching dance, it will be something for YOU. Part time and also be there for Luca.

It will all work out.

Re: I'm feeling guilty

you and the baby will be fine!!!! Dont feel guilty or feel any pressure to do more than you already are!!!

Re: I'm feeling guilty

The funny thing is, DH was always kind of opposed to me being a SAHM. He kind of feels like it's a cop out and that we could be a stronger family with 2 incomes. I guess now that the time is coming closer, he would rather see me at home with our son. He even said he kind of wishes I didn't go back to work and that I could be home for the first 6 months and then look for someting part time.
But that fact of the matter is, that's not the situation. I did go back to work and I have kids and parents depending on me. I just have to do the best I can.
I think he's also upset because our families encouraged us to get pregnant and offered up their help, but now they seem to be giving us a little bit of a hard time.

Message edited 9/19/2006 10:41:57 AM.

Re: I'm feeling guilty

Guilty? You have the best situation. The baby will most likely be sleeping those three hours you are gone anyway so I doubt he will miss his mommy at all.

Re: I'm feeling guilty

I know it's hard, but I think you are doing the best for everyone. Your son will still be with loving family when you're gone and it isn't that long that you or DH will be away from him. Would you feel better if your mom and MIL came to watch him at your house? Is that possible? Maybe if they could come to your house even just in the beginning, then the baby won't be "shuffled around." I know it's hard not to feel guilty, but I think you're doing the right thing. Your situation does not sound bad at all.

Re: I'm feeling guilty

Will you be able to teach the class so soon after birth?

Re: I'm feeling guilty

Posted by SuzyQ

Would you feel better if your mom and MIL came to watch him at your house? Is that possible? Maybe if they could come to your house even just in the beginning, then the baby won't be "shuffled around."

Re: I'm feeling guilty

Re: I'm feeling guilty

Posted by CkGm

Guilty? You have the best situation. The baby will most likely be sleeping those three hours you are gone anyway so I doubt he will miss his mommy at all.

Re: I'm feeling guilty

I would play it all by ear. As far as shuffling the baby around, I think your parents should be more than willing to come to your house.. at least for the 1st mo. Not only to make it easier on you.. since you have just given birth.. but the baby will only be 2 weeks old. They should consider that. Maybe you should bring that up to them. Also, it might be a little easier for them as well. The baby will only be without one of you for a few hours so I wouldn't feel guilty. I still don't know how you are going to do it just 2 weeks later.

Re: I'm feeling guilty

Posted by nferrandi

Posted by SuzyQ

Would you feel better if your mom and MIL came to watch him at your house? Is that possible? Maybe if they could come to your house even just in the beginning, then the baby won't be "shuffled around."

That's just it. We would love for my mom and MIL to watch the baby in our home for the first couple of weeks, but I know they will both give us a hard time.

Re: I'm feeling guilty

That's really sad that your mother and MIl can't come over to your house to watch the baby. I would ask again maybe take both of them out for lunch with your DH also and express your concerns for the baby and maybe once you have some sort of routine down then maybe bring the babies around.

Re: I'm feeling guilty