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Maybe-Baybe
My Sunshine
Member since 7/12 3415 total posts
Name:
My only Sunshine
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What's your take on this...
My parents have been divorced for nearly 17 years, I was 13 when it happened. My mom remarried 2 years ago. I don't have anything against her DH, but I don't consider him to be my father in any way, shape, or form.
Anyway, my mom has been referring to her DH as "grandpa". For some reason this bothers me, probably because I don't consider her DH as my dad. I mentioned something to her about this awhile ago. I told her I was a little uncomfortable with her calling him grandpa, but she still keeps doing it.
Am I wrong to feel this way? I'm not quite sure how I would like him to be addressed, but grandpa just doesn't feel right to me.
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Posted 1/2/14 7:10 PM  |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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What's your take on this...
My DH has divorced parents. We call all sets grandparents with various names. DH as very different relationships with all but IMO they are all grandparents even though they may take very different roles in DSs life.
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| Posted 1/2/14 7:22 PM |
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ANewDayHasCome
Love multiplies, not divides
Member since 11/12 14481 total posts
Name:
Me
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What's your take on this...
You're not wrong to feel that way. My dh's step mother is grandma to my dd but we have a close relationship. That's just us. Not to mention I have zero relationship with his actual mother and he barely does too but that is a WHOLE other topic.
Also, my mom lost her mom when she was 13. Her dad remarried and that was my grandma. I never knew any different even if she didn't give birth to my mom,
If it bothers you I would say something to your mom. It will eat away at you.
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| Posted 1/2/14 7:24 PM |
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AllyMally
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/13 881 total posts
Name:
Alyson
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What's your take on this...
I think there is a difference between you calling him Dad and your kids calling him Grandpa. My Grandfather was the only one I knew. I was 2 when they married and my Mom was 29. Had never had a father. Still 29 years later she didn't really call him Dad, but to me he was always special. If your kids are young I see no issue with it! There is no malice there at all.
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| Posted 1/2/14 7:25 PM |
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IVFmiracle
Complete
Member since 12/12 4088 total posts
Name:
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Re: What's your take on this...
I know many people who feel this way. I have decided DD will call my fathers wife GGG.
I was going to ask my step-mother what she wanted to be called, but my friend suggested that I give her some options or come up with the name myself. If she came up with something I didn't like I would be stuck with it.
My dad and now wife started dating when I was in college and remarried in 2008, so it's not like she has been in my life for a long time.
Message edited 1/2/2014 7:34:13 PM.
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| Posted 1/2/14 7:31 PM |
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Maybe-Baybe
My Sunshine
Member since 7/12 3415 total posts
Name:
My only Sunshine
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Re: What's your take on this...
Posted by AllyMally
I think there is a difference between you calling him Dad and your kids calling him Grandpa. My Grandfather was the only one I knew. I was 2 when they married and my Mom was 29. Had never had a father. Still 29 years later she didn't really call him Dad, but to me he was always special. If your kids are young I see no issue with it! There is no malice there at all.
No, definitely no malice there. Calling him grandpa just feels funny to me. Maybe because I feel like he will be closer to my DD than my own father will be because I'm not that close with my real father. Ugh, I guess I just have issues 
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| Posted 1/2/14 7:33 PM |
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Maybe-Baybe
My Sunshine
Member since 7/12 3415 total posts
Name:
My only Sunshine
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Re: What's your take on this...
Posted by IVFmiracle
I know many people who feel this way. I have decided DD will call my fathers wife GGG.
I was going to ask my step-mother what she wanted to be called, but my friend suggested that I give her some options or come up with the name myself. If she came up with something I didn't like I would be stuck with it.
My dad and now wife started dating when I was in college and remarried in 2008, so it's not like she has been in my life for a long time.
That's a good idea. But now I feel awkward saying to him or my mom "I'd like you to be called xyz". But I guess I just have to do it because every time I here my mom refer to him as grandpa I cringe. That said, any ideas for a good name to call him- his name is Tony.
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| Posted 1/2/14 7:38 PM |
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hopingforbaby
We made a wish & you came true
Member since 2/10 2695 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: What's your take on this...
Posted by alli3131
My DH has divorced parents. We call all sets grandparents with various names. DH as very different relationships with all but IMO they are all grandparents even though they may take very different roles in DSs life.
I agree. For us, all parents, step or not, are called some variation of grandma(pa) because that is ultimately the role they will be playing to DS.
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| Posted 1/2/14 7:47 PM |
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NYCGirl80
I love my kiddies!
Member since 5/11 10413 total posts
Name:
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Re: What's your take on this...
Would "Grandpa Tony" bother you? Maybe something like "Papa" or "Pop-pop"? Get creative. He still has a grandparent role and shouldn't just go by his first name, IMO.
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| Posted 1/3/14 9:10 AM |
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jams92
Member since 1/12 6105 total posts
Name:
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What's your take on this...
I'm in a similar situation and just bc I don't consider my step mom my mother and would never refer to her that way, she has been in Dds life since birth and treats her like a grand daughter so I will let dd call her grandma
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| Posted 1/3/14 10:03 AM |
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kn2011
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/10 537 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: What's your take on this...
My father passed away when I was 16..my mother has had a bf now for probably 12 years.. my daughter calls him papa jim.. and by NO means do I consider him my father. Its just out of respect..
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| Posted 1/3/14 10:15 AM |
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MandJZ
Time for Baby #2!
Member since 8/10 4194 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: What's your take on this...
My grandmother died before I was born and my grandfather remarried when I was little. My older brother knew our grandma, even though my sister and I didn't. We have always called my grandfather's wife a nickname based on her name, not anything close to a grandma name. She has always tried to get us to call her Oma, signing cards like that etc. My little cousin who is 12 years younger than me calls her Oma, but my parents felt that because my brother knew our grandmother and this woman married my grandfather when my dad was an adult already, it wasn't right.
Every family makes their own decision in this situation. Do what YOU are comfortable with for your LO 
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| Posted 1/3/14 10:43 AM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Re: What's your take on this...
Posted by alli3131
My DH has divorced parents. We call all sets grandparents with various names. DH as very different relationships with all but IMO they are all grandparents even though they may take very different roles in DSs life.
This to a point.
I hate my step mother with a passion yet she was married to my father so she is AJ's grandmother. I call her Ruth and frankly choose not to refer to her at all in front of AJ but when AJ is in front of her I just get over it.
My grandparents were divorced when my father was 17 so I grew up with Grandma, Grandpa and Margarita (his wife).
Its just not worth the fight for me to correct AJ and its not worth her confusion. I am lucky that my step mother should be dead by the time it makes a difference (or one could hope).
In my mind she has only ONE grandma (hubby's mother) and ONE grandpa (my father). The others (his step father and my step mother) are just pretend and its just the nice thing to call them. Names are easy, being a good person/grandparent is up to them.
Heck I have totally unrelated people I consider AJ's uncle and aunts who treat her better and love her more. They mean more and so why not call them a family name?
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| Posted 1/3/14 10:59 AM |
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WannaBeAMom11
LIF Adult
Member since 1/11 7391 total posts
Name:
Name
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What's your take on this...
I have that same situation with an aunt she's close in age to me and my uncle's 1st wife is aunt but not her. She will be aunt to my dd though as my dd won't know any difference.
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| Posted 1/3/14 11:12 AM |
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