How do you explain other children's bad behavior to your (generally) well behaved DS?

My DS is almost 3 and is generally a really good boy. He would never intentionally hit or bite someone... he knows to keep his hands to himself. Of course he has some sharing issues, but for the most part is very well behaved and if he's not, I immediately reprimand him. If he does it a second time, it's an immediate time out. This has really been effective with him.

Anyway... He has a cousin and 2 friends in particular that constantly push, hit, grab things out of his hand, etc. When they do this, he will yell at them to stop and sometimes will hit back. I don't want him to start thinking that this behavior is acceptable and the norm. How do I address this with him? The other kids parents seem to think its just their age and shrug it off. I guess maybe I'm a lot more strict with him, but I really feel like its important to teach him right/wrong now. I don't want him to become a punching bag to these kids who feel the need to hurt him all the time.

For example... Yesterday we had a play date and his friend was just beating on him the whole time. He was hitting, pushing my DS down, grabbing everything out of his hands. At first my DS just yelled for him to stop, but by the end of the playdate he was hitting and pushing him back. I want him to defend himself of course, but I'm not sure how to handle this. On the car ride home he kept asking me why L kept hitting him and why L didn't get a time out. He even came out and said that L makes him nervous! WWYD?

Sorry for rambling... I guess this sort of turned into a vent.

Re: How do you explain other children's bad behavior to your (generally) well behaved DS?

Continue what you're doing with your DS. When he asks why L hits, just explain that he plays rough and he's still learning how to share and pay nicely. And if you are witnessing it, there's nothing wrong with going over to both boys and saying, "that's not how we play. Everyone keep their hands to themselves." Obviously you can't put someone else's child in time out, but if you bring up the behavior instead of ignoring it, the other parent is more likely to get involved too.

Re: How do you explain other children's bad behavior to your (generally) well behaved DS?

Thanks so much!

The first couple of times, I let it go. By the 3rd or 4th time, I started saying "oh no, that's not nice" and things like that. The mom was sitting right next to me and was oblivious!!! When my DS hits back, do I yell at him or just let him defend himself? I just don't want him to be the kid that doesn't fight back, but I don't want him to think it's ok. So frustrating! My DH had a talk with him last night about hitting back when he's hit, but I don't feel like that will help the situation.

Re: How do you explain other children's bad behavior to your (generally) well behaved DS?

the others gave good advice also if the mom just sits there and says nothing even after you try to intervene I would probably limit playdates with those children

How do you explain other children's bad behavior to your (generally) well behaved DS?

I'm with you and while we don't have many play dates, we see it at the park.

I take him to the side and basically tell him that what the other boys are doing is not right, they are being mean (if they ARE in fact being mean) and that I'm proud of him for being a good boy. I just keep telling him that we don't act like that and that he's such a good boy and I'm so proud of him.

Re: How do you explain other children's bad behavior to your (generally) well behaved DS?

How do you explain other children's bad behavior to your (generally) well behaved DS?

Learning I handle conflict is important and it seems you child has a good handle on it- by saying stop all on his own. I would probably tell DS that those children are still learning how to behave and that we need to give them time to learn. I would then limit interaction.

How do you explain other children's bad behavior to your (generally) well behaved DS?

I agree your doing great with your Son and the explanation about his friend learning. BUT I would not let the other child's behavior continue especially if its in my home. Once the hitting pushing started I would give a warning about playing nice, second time it's a directive to stop or we cant continue to play. After that the current activity would stop with a talk about we can't play X if we are not going play nicely and keep our hands to ourselves etc. I would then redirect to another activity like coloring or snack where there is more parallel play and less chance for conflict. If conflict continued its time to go home. Sorry I'm That Mom we play nice or we don't play at all.

Message edited 9/14/2013 2:33:21 PM.

Re: How do you explain other children's bad behavior to your (generally) well behaved DS?

Thanks for your responses! We will definitely be limiting playdates with this particular child. We were in their home, so I didn't feel comfortable telling him to stop... I would just make sure DS was removed from the situation.