Terrible 2's... Advise

DS has been in the terrible 2's since pretty much 17 months. He's got a big heart and a mush, but he has a strong personality. He's stubborn and bossy. DS1 was nothing like that. He's 4 now, but always was more easy going and a lot more patience.
Anyway, DS2 just turned 2 and I have put him in a few programs. All of which he does his own thing. Mommy and me he plays on the side while the other kids sing songs, dance, sit and listen for story or do art, etc. In swim class he screams bc he just wants to play on the steps while the rest of the class sings songs and learns to swim. You get the point. We are usually on the outside of class. I am not saying it's not normal. I just know it's his personality. DS1 can play nicely for hours, loves songs and story, etc.
So, do you think maybe a separation class would be good for him. I tried it once with the last mommy and me class and he pretty much cried the entire time.
Advise? I know I don't have to force him to join, but would be nice not to always be the one on the side. LOL
I keep joining him in programs bc I know it's good for him too. Funny thing is he was such an easy baby and just sat there looking around and smiling. So much patience. Once he started walking that was it. Good thing he was a late walker.
Sorry so long...

Re: Terrible 2's... Advise

First you have to remember he is only 2. I wouldn't bother with to many programs at this point since they only seem to be giving you and him stress.
My 2nd ds is very much like yours a soft but a tough stubborn nugget at the same time.
When he started preschool at almost 3 he was miserable. We waited a few months after he turned 3 and he likes it. He is still is more apprehensive when getting together with other kids but eventually will join in.

Re: Terrible 2's... Advise

I think he needs a nursery program. They are usually only 2.5 hours, twice a week. The structure will be good for him. I am doing that with M, I know she needs it. She can't wait to go to school. He also may just be bored and those programs don't hold his interest.
I know a few moms that have there kids in little rockers on rt. 79.

The rest is normal 2 year old behavior.

Re: Terrible 2's... Advise

Re: Terrible 2's... Advise

I feel you. I don't like to say my son is BAD or TERRIBLE because he's not. He's a good boy and he's VERY smart and loving. BUT...he has definitely been in a phase of defiance and pushing boundaries.

The first advice I would give...is to remind yourself that this phase is normal and that he is right on track with his development. It is HEALTHY AND GOOD for them to know what they do and don't want and it is healthy for them to explore and push boundaries. It doesn't mean we need to let them behave like brats or animals, but it doesn't mean we need to worry or that they will always be this way either.

I forget where I read it but i think it was an article I once read that talked about kids as tiny scientists. This description really helped me to change the way I view my son. He's not always misbehaving...he's EXPLORING. he's learning about his environment and experimenting. and that is GOOD for his development.

Learn to pick your battles. Some people will helicopter over their child and "NO NO NO NO NO NO NO" them to death. Sometimes, you just have to learn to say yes for some things as long as it'snot dangerous. If the worst consequence is that you need to put him in an extra bath bc he's doing something messy...let him do it in a contained environment once in a while. For instance: you let him color or paint but he attempts to do it all over the house and on himself? strip him down to his diaper and find a cardboard box...let him color inside the box (open top or side for ventilation of course) Instead of saying NO try to find ways to foster his wants and needs in a way that would be less upsetting to you.

repercussions for tantrums or violent behavior could be an early bedtime...taking a toy away or time out.

also...wine...lot's of wine

as far as the classes go...don't try to inundate him with different classes. it might be too much for him...he may have too much running through his head to focus OR it just isn't exciting enough for him. You don't need to spend money on classes...there are plenty of things you can do for little to no money.

Message edited 7/10/2013 12:51:26 PM.

Re: Terrible 2's... Advise

He's too young, and sounds like he's less mature.
Give him a half a year and try again.

Re: Terrible 2's... Advise

Terrible 2's... Advise

My older son is well behaved but, he doesn't do well with structured activities when DH or I were present - he does well with them through daycare but, not when I signed him up for Mommy and Me Yoga and swimming for awhile (he's gotten better).

It's totally normal - I know you have a pool but, I would take some time off from swimming and start again in a year or so - it makes a world of difference when they want to learn then when you want them to learn.

Re: Terrible 2's... Advise

DD is like that (2.5). She is a very fun-loving, sweet, funny child at home and plays good with kids she knows one-on-one, but in a group setting, she's really shy and doesn't like to join in. I've been taking her to mommy and me classes since she's 7 months. She will participate when I'm there (most of the time), but we just started separation classes and whenever I peek in the door, she's kind of off the side. Today, she didn't cry, she actually seemed to be enjoying herself at times, but she wouldn't do ring around the rosy (which she loves) or any of the group things. It makes me upset to see her not allowing herself to have fun with the others, but I know she's young and shy and this is how she needs to deal with the class for now. I'm hoping it gets better. They teachers say it's normal and all the kids do things at their own speed.

She's going to a 2.5 year old program in the fall 2 days a week. I'm hoping the steady structure will help.

Message edited 7/10/2013 2:16:57 PM.

Terrible 2's... Advise

Please don't take this the wrong way but I think you need to stop comparing your 2 boys. Your younger one sounds just like my DS who I consider a normal toddler

If you only had him you would thing the same but because your older one was completely different you are trying to get the younger one like him. Different kid different personality.

Re: Terrible 2's... Advise

Message edited 7/10/2013 5:11:14 PM.

Re: Terrible 2's... Advise

I learned the hard way that at 2, those programs are a big waste of time and money. They don't need a structured program at that age - they just want to wander, explore, and play for a few minutes ata time with anything that catches their fancy. I stopped and didn't start again until he was 5.

Re: Terrible 2's... Advise

I think he sounds like an average 2 yr old. I had similar issues. My first child was more of that rule follower and easy going at that age. My DS#2 - not so much - it got better between ages 2-2.5yrs. He had different likes and interests and now at 6 and 8 - still does. They are very different kids. I find many boys at that age are not ready for structure.

Now my #3 is just under 2.5yrs and she is a terror. I found she performs/behaves differently in different classes. Swim - I had to stop completely. She was so stubborn and wouldn't do anything and just scream!!!!!!!!!!!! One day she spent 5 minutes of the 30 minutes not screaming and it was when they let her just sit on the steps and pour water over the teachers' head! One mommy and me she was always guarded and screamed any time any one came near her and even hit kids. I switched schools and she was an angel! it was weird. She is doing better now at mommy and me's but at home -those terrible 2's - whoa!!!!!!!!!! none of my kids were as stubborn or strong willed as her....and al she does is scream and tantrum!