Spinoff to coming out... other people outing you on FB?

DH and I are both on facebook and while we post random status updates here and there, we've posted NOTHING to indicate anything about our pregnancy. No cryptic smiley faces, no messages about exciting things coming our way. We're so excited about this time in our lives, but we've preferred to be a little more private about this kind of thing.

We're definitely not against posting about it, and I know everyone's different when it comes to this kind of thing. This weekend for Father's Day (I'll be 16 wks) we finally will be posting our great news!

However, up to this point, in spite of asking people to hold off on putting anything on facebook, we've had a couple of friends and family member preemptively post on our walls about it. This led to a few awkward conversations about how we'd like to be the ones to make the announcement when we're ready and asking them to take it down in the meantime (ugh ).

I guess this is kind of a vent for our situation, but I figured I'd see if anyone else was "outed" before you were ready or if you were A-ok with someone else being the one to break the news?

Re: Spinoff to coming out... other people outing you on FB?

we told our inlaws and told them specifically NOT to tell anyone...

they went to a christmas party we weren't at and told everyone.

hubs' cousin then posted on my wall 'congrats on the baby' WAYYYYY before i was ready to tell my news. it was like 9 weeks?

i happened to have my phone in my hand when the alert came up THANK GOD because i dont think anyone saw it.

Re: Spinoff to coming out... other people outing you on FB?

DH wanted to scream it from the roof top and I preferred to keep it quiet. We compromised on he could post on his wall as long as he didn't tag me in anything. One of my friends saw his post and not only posted on my wall, but shared DH's post with all of her friends!!!!
I was so annoyed.

Re: Spinoff to coming out... other people outing you on FB?

Because of my history I didn't post anything until I was 26 weeks, I actually disabled my wall for that exact reason. I would suggest doing the same until you guys make your announcement!

Re: Spinoff to coming out... other people outing you on FB?

It would really upset me if someone broke the news. My cousin and I are both pregnant and due 4 days apart so when we told our grandma we had to make sure my aunt told her no facebook at all!!! Luckily no one has really said anything. My manager at work told someone and I flipped. I thought it was rude especially because it wasn't common knowledge at the time. I feel like its a special time for us to tell the news with Dh.

Re: Spinoff to coming out... other people outing you on FB?

To avoid this scenario I blocked everyone from being able to write on my wall or comment on any wall posts. I did this as soon as we told our families early on - even though the promised not to tell or post on social media. Just a little insurance plan

Re: Spinoff to coming out... other people outing you on FB?

My mom outed me this time. I specifically said no facebook please when I told my family. However, she took it to mean no facebook until we told the inlaws a week later. So she waited the week and then posted. I was upset, but I know she was just excited and it was really only family members that saw as we don't have any non-family mutual friends. She posted on her wall, not mine.

Spinoff to coming out... other people outing you on FB?

I posted a food status (nothing unusual) and coincidentally I had just gotten my BFP. A family member who I don't even know commented about me being pregnant. I shot her down real quick saying that it was the anniversary of my grandfathers death.

Since then, no issues. Last pregnancy I blocked my wall. I plan on coming out tomorrow so I hope all the big mouths in my life can wait 24hra.

Spinoff to coming out... other people outing you on FB?

really good idea to block your wall i didn't even know you could do that!

Spinoff to coming out... other people outing you on FB?

This happened to us the first time around. Totally innocent but DHs cousin posted congrats on our wall. We just quickly erased it! Another friend posted a text between her and I about me wanting wine and her bringing it to the hospital. I told her work ppl didn't know yet and she took it down right away and felt terrible. I just don't think people think and don't realize you haven't posted on fb yourself yet!

Spinoff to coming out... other people outing you on FB?

I told people who know that I'm not talking about it on FB (even though I'll be 18 weeks tomorrow). Luckily if someone has mentioned something about it on FB it's through private message. I have some very good friends on there who I want to tell in person and with a lot going on (her anniversary, her own 6.5 month old baby, my DS' birthday, our recent vacation...) we haven't had any chance to talk.

Spinoff to coming out... other people outing you on FB?

I'm on social media and love that I can keep in touch with people who I may not always be able to see, but this is my HUGE problem with social media. People put anything and everything on social media, even if it isn't their news to tell. I actually left FB for almost a year because my MIL kept putting posts up about my health when I was suffering through my cluster headaches.

When we told people we were pregnant we made it VERY clear not to put anything on FB. My mom puts EVERYTHING on FB so we were most worried about her. We also told her that when we do post it to give us some alone time and don't jump right in to make her post. She drove me CRAZY about it and was demanding to put up a post. We made her wait until after midnight. SIL posted it around 11:45PM and my mom is still pissed about it :eyerolls: When we announced it was a boy we waited for a day until my mom was out and couldn't post right away.

I recently came back to FB (I permanently deleted my FB so I had to start all over again) and sent out an email to all of our friends and family asking them to not post anything until after we do when our son is born. It has caused some problems but I feel very strongly about the fact that people should be allowed to announce their own news on social media AND THEN others can post the news for their friends to see.

Sorry this is LONG but I HATE when people post news that isn't their's to post!!!

Spinoff to coming out... other people outing you on FB?

My c

Spinoff to coming out... other people outing you on FB?

My cousin did this to us we announced to family on Mother's Day within hours there was something on Facebook I totally freaked bc I didn't tell a lot of friends yet and I certainly didn't want it on Facebook until we were ready for it

Edited bc I posted before I was done typing lol

Message edited 6/12/2013 12:10:45 PM.

Re: Spinoff to coming out... other people outing you on FB?

I did not come out on Facebook, mostly because I had 2 previous m/c. Then my sister's MIL posted a pic on FB (and tagged me) of me and my sister at my sister's baby shower, big belly and all. By then I was just about 30 weeks, but I was still annoyed.

Spinoff to coming out... other people outing you on FB?

I agree with some of the previous posters. I didnt want anyone posting on FB and made it clear as we announced our news to each of our family/friends that this was important to us. It lasted until a few weeks ago and people started to post on my husbands wall for his bday saying he will be a dad etc. I know it wasnt intentional.

Ever since my cousin posted about my grandfathers death on FB before my mother had a chance to tell me the news I feel very strongly about this.

Spinoff to coming out... other people outing you on FB?

As soon as I started telling family I turned off my facebook wall so that people couldn't comment on it. (I logged into my husbands page and did the same to his!) I also made a big point to tell people NO FACEBOOK! My family and friends learned their lesson though- I had a miscarriage in August and went to a family party 2 weeks later where people who were NOT supposed to even know I was pregnant were congratulating me. I was SO pissed. Now this time they knew better.

Message edited 6/12/2013 12:59:48 PM.

Re: Spinoff to coming out... other people outing you on FB?

Although we're on #4, my husband are still pretty private and don't necessarily make announcements about our life on FB. We're on FB, but basically inactive when it comes to posting updates.

One BIL posted a cryptic message on his wall in in regards to us to having 4 and he tagged us in it. Fortunately, it was cryptic enough that no one had a clue.

Second BIL had visited us for the weekend for a party we hosted for his father's 70th. As a result, he took a lot of photos at the party, then put a collage together of my 3 DC, my DH and I with text captions showing that we're expecting. He then tagged us. The cat was out of the bag and he didn't even have to post on my wall.

It's not something we're upset over, but social media can be frustrating.

Re: Spinoff to coming out... other people outing you on FB?

I think most people who have made the mistake of posting too early have been well-meaning and it comes from a place of excitement, it's just annoying that this kind of disclaimer needs to exist.

I have my Facebook set to preview any comments before they're posted to my wall but a few people have posted on their own wall (and we have mutual friends, the whole thing) so I feel bad policing other people's walls.

in a way I'm looking forward to officially coming out because we are excited to share the news but also because it will finally be out there and I don't have to be concerned about anyone jumping the gun anymore.

Re: Spinoff to coming out... other people outing you on FB?

Eh. Someone made a comment that could have been read the wrong way.

To prevent this in general with things I have to approve everything that's posted on my wall or any photo's/status updates that I'm tagged in.

Re: Spinoff to coming out... other people outing you on FB?

We both shut down our walls on FB as soon as we starting telling people so they wouldn't ruin it for when we told everyone else, because we told people little by little. Also I didn't tell work until almost 30 weeks, so I didn't want people I work with to find out from FB before I wanted to tell them. I finally opened my wall again & posted about it on FB a week or so ago (I'm 33 weeks now).