Need some encouragement

I'm 5w1d (I think..Dh and mom think I'm further along because of my symptoms and hte fact that I've grown an entire cup size. My cycle was weird in May, so I guess it's possible but I can't think of a time it would have happenned in April).

Since this time last week I have felt nausea, heartburn, cramps, GI distress, exhaustion, headaches etc.

I FINALLY got Zofran, which helped curb the nausea but still doesn't make eating any fun and I really have to get work done and I feel I'm in a fog.

I was so unprepared for this. I always told DH I didn't want to be pregnant and really wanted to adopt. I can't believe i have many more weeks of this to go.

It's only been a week but I already just feel so depressed I want to cry. Since Zofran and Benedryl seem to take the edge off, we're planning to go on a trip, but even at home I don't want to get out of bed, let alone a 4 hour plane ride.

Please tell me something. it gets better, it will be worth it. I don't know. I just want to cry. We were planning to TTC soon, but not this instant, so I can't say I felt the joy of a BFP that someone who'd be trying for months might. I'm happy we're expecting and even though I have always dreaded being pregnant I know it's time to start a family. I just don't know how I can take 35 more weeks of this. I feel so selfish but I'm crying because I just want my body and my life back. I don't know how I will emotionally take 7 more weeks of these symptoms, and that's IF they subside in the 2nd tri.

Since I have only told my mom, I also just feel like I'm suffering in silence.

I just can't stand being miserable 24/7.

Re: Need some encouragement

I read your post and needed to crash here to tell you that I felt exactly like you do.
Just reading it brought back so many memories and I felt so bad for you because I was there.
I wasn't ready to be pregnant either.
I thought I would have problems getting pregnant since I always had the wackiest cycles and was convinced I had PCOS.
When I got pregnant on the first try (which was really just a whim- hey let's see what happens!) I was not happy.
I hate to even type that, but I wasn;t.
I cried after the test came up positive. I was soooo scared. LIke beyond any fear I had ever had in my life.
I have major medical anxiety so the thought of doctors and test and invasive procedures and then giving birth and the hospital- well it was enough to throw me into a massive panic attack.

I cried for days. Days.
I felt awful for DH because he wanted to be happy but I was reacting so badly and he felt bad for me and in turn it took away his happiness about it.

I kept thinking it was a bad time career wies too as I was close to making a big career move that had been in the works for almost a year and was just finally coming to life. I thought for sure that a pregnancy and a baby would put that all on hold and maybe it would never even happen.

I really was not in a good place.

Add to that the feeling of guilt- that here I was pregnant, a thing that so many others wanted so badly, and I wasn't jumping for joy. How bad of a person was I? What a horrible horrible person I must be.

But I will tell you- slowly but surely, it DID get better.
I got through the first Dr appt. I did it.
I got through the next one.
As time went on I felt better and better about it.
Soon I was actually getting excited about it.
I was never comfortable with being pregnant, I never loved going to the Dr, I never got over my fear of child birth, and I really didn't flaunt my belly or tell anyone at work until I HAD to. I never took belly pics, I NEVER came out on Facebook. It wasn't my thing. I didn't even want a baby shower.
I wanted my body back so badly- I wanted to eat and drink what I wanted. I wanted to wear my form fitting clothes again.

But over time, it got better and to the point where I was excited and happy to meet my DD.
And once she was here- I coudln't believe I was a mom. ME! A mother. I did it.
I went through it all.
And I got the best prize of all- because now I coudln't picture my life for one second without that precious girl in it.
It brings tears to my eyes just thinking of her.
She was worth every thing. Every second of anxiety, fear ,stress, pain.

And the other stuff- my home life, my career, the new normal of being a family of 3- it worked itself out too.
I am a FTWM now in a great job I love and I couldn't be happier.


You will be ok. It will get better. You just need time.
Don't be too hard on yourself. Don't beat yourself up. This is a lot to process.
It's a HUGE change. It's the unknown and it's scary.
Add to that society making you feel like you are lacking as a woman or a human if you are not over the moon when you see those 2 lines... and it's a lot of burden on your mind.

But trust me- coming from somoeone who's been in your shoes- it will be ok!


FM if you ever want to talk or vent!

Message edited 6/11/2013 4:25:52 PM.

Re: Need some encouragement

Crashing but I just want to add that my best friend was going through the same thing. Never wanted kids, ever.. said over and over that she will never be a mom and is okay with it. Well, she missed a BCP and got a BFP! She cried, was angry, was scared.. everything you said... but she is now 6 months pregnant and is doing GREAT. Little by little, she got through those moments of anxiety and lack of control. She still freaks out that the belly is getting bigger and that she was totally not prepared but it gets better. I was happy when I was pregs with my DS but I still had moments of OMG, I am responsible for a human life! The fear and shock came and went and it's normal! You will be fine. Take it one day at a time!

Need some encouragement

The first trimester is tough. With DS#1 I had the worst time breathing. The pregnancy seemed to make my asthma flare up all the time. Once the 2nd trimester hit, it went away and I felt much better. You body is making a big adjustment and it will take some time for you to get used to it. THe more you stress, the worse it will be. You can do it!

Need some encouragement

Try vit B6 (a natural, not a synthetic) and unisom at night. That has changed my world. More than the Zofran.

Re: Need some encouragement

Re: Need some encouragement

I'm with you Adriana. I promised DH we'd have one this way, but I don't think I ever want to go through this again.

I've been doing 1/2 a benadryl and b6 at night. Seems to help as much as or more than Zofran but I didn't sleep last night due to anxiety - work stress since I can't concentrate to he anything done b/w nausea, fatigue, cramps, anxiety and general malaise and stress bc I have to go fly to Jamaica Sunday morning. DH really wants to and is ok with staying in the room. If I can knock myself out for the flight on unisom and b6 (Zofran too if I need it) I should be ok. I'm just in no mood to do ANYTHING. I'm never going to eat the food. I've lost 7lbs this week and I'm not even vomiting but terrified I will start.

Ugh. Wake me up in 6 weeks

Re: Need some encouragement

Message edited 6/12/2013 9:02:00 AM.