BTDT and moms preg with #2 - How involved was DH?

DH is a very hands on dad and really great with our DS. I have no complaints in that area and want to make sure I give him credit where credit is due. BUT.....

We had a huge argument last night and I am truly very very upset. I am preg with #2 and I feel like DH isn't at all involved or invested in this pregnancy. 20 weeks in and he hasn't been to any OB apptmts (just 1 would be fine) and was annoyed yesterday when I was insisting that we go to Behr's today to look for furniture for the new baby. He has no interested in planning for this child at all. When I asked him what he thought we needed he answered "onesies, diapers, and bottles" as if that is all DC2 needs. Seriously?!?!? He was not like this my 1st pregnancy. I'm just so upset that this is all on me as if I made this baby myself. If anything, he pushed for this 2nd baby, I was honestly content with just having one.

I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable expecting him to at least pretend to want to plan and be involved in getting ready for this 2nd child. I feel that I shouldn't have to go to Buy Buy Baby alone to pick things out or to figure out alone what we might need and to always be the one "thinking." Is this just how it is for preg#2?

Re: BTDT and moms preg with #2 - How involved was DH?

My dh is the same way! I've done everything for the baby myself unless I had to nag him to death to put things up and together in the nursery. I bought everything myself, almost all appointments by myself (unless I told him it as really important and really wanted him to be there) but he has never touched my stomach to feel the baby move or anything. I try not to get upset because he's helped out a ton with ds and I know that when she is born he will be great dad but I guess since he isnt feeling how i am (being pregnant) he feels like hes been there, done that and is just waiting for the baby to get here.

BTDT and moms preg with #2 - How involved was DH?

I think after the first they are like"ok...been here, done that, you could go to BRU you know what to get"! That was my DH reaction when I was pregnant with #2, but once my DS was born DH was really involved. Would insist on changing his diapers, etc. I

Re: BTDT and moms preg with #2 - How involved was DH?

that sounds frustrating.. I would make a list of things that need to get done and hand it to him and say, "So, pick the five things you want to do"

Re: BTDT and moms preg with #2 - How involved was DH?

DH has done some (come to some appts, painting nursery etc) but its definitely not the same as the first time around. I think as we approach the date (this July) he is saying and doing more (like we just signed up for some classes--sibling class, tour of the new hospital etc). Give him some time but take him aside one night and tell him how its really bothering you. I think they think because he we made it w/the first one they forget...plus they're not pregnant and don't have a constant reminder that a new person is coming!

BTDT and moms preg with #2 - How involved was DH?

Mine is the same way. He did come to my level 2, but that was literally it. I have a sono tomorrow and he doesn't want to come to that (granted he would need to take a half day, but he has no interest - he says he will see the baby when she gets here!). I forced him to come buy the furniture with me after shopping for it with my mother. I am carpeting the room and he won't come look - says just pick out what I want (and the new room and furniture are even for DD1). I went to BBB alone and got everything I needed. I took all of DD's clothes out and sorted through them myself. Last night I finally washed a few nb sleep and plays and DH was like "why can't you just do this when you get home from the hospital?" I am almost 37w! Men just don't get it!

I really think with #2 they just know what to expect and for men I don't think the reality of a baby really sets in until they are here!

And my DH is also a very hands on father and I know he will be with DD2 also - guess it is just that they are hands off when it comes to the pregnancy!

Re: BTDT and moms preg with #2 - How involved was DH?

My ds has been the same too! I asked him if he was coming to the sonograms and he said pick one and I will come. It made it sound like such a chore to me. But then this morning he apologized for being so uninvolved. He is just stressed with work and cant think past this week. He is a teacher so I am hoping that this summer he will help me rearrange the bedrooms. I have given up all hope for him to buy baby items- he just doesn't have any patience for that.

Re: BTDT and moms preg with #2 - How involved was DH?

Same here..my DH this whole pregnancy has been in denial I think..I'm 34 weeks now and he told me to stop buying stuff...I was like well what do you think they need? You have no idea! He never wanted to go to BBB or BRU...never wants to do much of anything related to prepping for the babies...I really think he is in denial. The only time he got excited is when he got a good sale at BRU on diapers and wipes.

Re: BTDT and moms preg with #2 - How involved was DH?

BTDT with pregnancy #1 he was there 110%

with pregnancy #2 um about 20% and thats me being kind

I guess for my dh (dont want to include all in this statement lol) that after the first baby the second is not as exciting for lack of a better word.