Feeling Guilty

My daughter was born in early December and was 7 weeks, 2 days early. After spending 19 days in the NICU she came home weighing 4 lbs 5 oz. As of Wednesday she is up to 8 lbs 9 oz (9 weeks, 2 days old). She is doing really well but the doctors and nurses stressed to us that it was important not to have visitors, let her be around young children and not to take her out to places like the supermarket, the mall, religious services, etc. She is no longer seeing the physical therapist or visiting nurse - so things are going great. This morning, one of my neighbors stopped by with her daughter. We only moved into our new home in October and between the hurricane, pre-eclampsia and being at the hospital so much, we have been less than neighborly. This new neighbor casually mentioned that she was looking for someone to put her son on the bus in the morning and pick him up after school. I am on maternity leave until the end of February and most likely I will take my unpaid leave until the end of May. Would you offer to put the son on the bus? I really am home everyday and I can't imagine it would be that much trouble. I really feel for the woman as I know I will have these same issues when I return to work. Still, I worry about exposing my beautiful preemie daughter to anything unnecessarily. I feel a lot of guilt not offering though. What would you do?

Feeling Guilty

i would not do it. Kids pick up tons of germs at school and i wouldn't want my baby exposed to them - if it was a one-time deal, i might do it ... but not every day till May.

Your daughter hasn't even gotten all of her immunizations - it's not worth the risk

Re: Feeling Guilty

Honestly, I wouldn't offer. My DD is 4 months with no pre-existing conditions, and she has only seen her school age cousins on Thanksgiving and Christmas. I feel bad, but kids are walking Petri dishes! There is so much going around the schools now, it is not worth the risk. Once the weather gets nicer and you are all out more, you will get to know your neighbors better!

Message edited 2/8/2013 12:32:17 PM.

Re: Feeling Guilty

um, are you saying this woman asked you (basically a stranger) to be responsible for her son?

You don't owe her anything and i think it was a little presumptuous of her to ask (i can't tell from your post if she did ask you, or if you're thinking of offering)

personally, i wouldn't do it. Why would you want that responsibility for someone you don't really know? It would be different if you had a DC you were also putting on the bus and picking up, but you don't so you'd be going out of your way every day for someone who you're not close to. That could get awkward very quickly IMO

Re: Feeling Guilty

No, I would not offer. It seems like a lot of trouble, especially for someone you just met.

I see parents freezing outside waiting with their kids for bus. No thank you.

Feeling Guilty

Don't feel guilty. I wouldn't have offered. That's way too much responsibility and there are way too many germs out there.

Re: Feeling Guilty

No. Make up a good excuse. You should be paid to do that anyhow.

Feeling Guilty

I would not offer and you should not feel guilty although I can completely understand your feelings of guilt!

Feeling Guilty

Nope. Don't offer, don't think twice. No need to feel guilty. You have your own things to worry about!

Re: Feeling Guilty

Being a 30 week twin premie mom... absolutely NOT. Not worth the risk.
If her child would be in your house at all there would be way too many germs.

Re: Feeling Guilty

Why do you feel so guilty? You have a preemie baby, and please don't let someone guilt you into it. My DD had a 5 day NICU stay, and I was super cautious with her.

Feeling Guilty

Definitely not.

Re: Feeling Guilty

You absolutely should not feel guilty. I would not do it either, and I don't even have a newborn. I think it was pretty ballsy of her to even ask-- it's not like you're close friends.

Re: Feeling Guilty

no way

Re: Feeling Guilty

Thanks - I'm feeling a lot better after reading these responses. She did not ask directly - it was more "do you know anyone" but the vibe I got was that since I was home all the time, I might be able to do this for her. She also brought a gift for the baby which was a nice gesture. You are right though - she hasn't gotten all her shots yet and so it really feels way too risky. I also spoke to my DH just now and he was not in favor at all.

Message edited 2/8/2013 1:58:07 PM.

Feeling Guilty

I def wouldnt do it. My cousins son started school this year and hes been sick at least once a month with something. Your baby is a preemie without immunizations if she got sick how guilty would you feel then ya know? Especially right now during flu season. My dd is sick and shes not even in school or around kids. Shea 7 1/2 months and it sucks to seebher in pain and uncomfortable.
Plus you dont know this woman why would you want to be responsible for her son? You dont know what kind of woman she is, if her son came home sick or with a new scratch she may blame you. You never know. And

Re: Feeling Guilty

I would not, but mostly because your schedule with a 9 week old is so unpredictable, and she will need someone to pick him at the same time every day. Enjoy your leave with your baby girl.

Feeling Guilty

No way and who asks someone with a nb preemie for a favor!

Re: Feeling Guilty

Re: Feeling Guilty

Re: Feeling Guilty

Nope! No way! And this woman would now be on my weirdo watchlist!

Re: Feeling Guilty

If she offered to pay you & you wanted some extra money during maternity leave then maybe. Personally I would not do it with a preemie in the house. In rainy weather it can be a pain to go to the bus stop and you can't just leave your baby in the house to go there.

Feeling Guilty

No, and don't feel bad!

Re: Feeling Guilty

There would be no way I would offer. I am sorry. You have a newborn, that was a preemie. I dont even see why it would be something you would feel guilty about.

Feeling Guilty

I wouldn't, and not because of the the germ factor, but just bc it's winter and I wouldn't want to bundle up a baby twice a day and drag her out o wait at the bus stop, in all types of weather, rain, wind, cold, etc. Plus I wouldn't want to interrupt her naps and feedings. If she was a toddler and you were home and didn't mind that would be different, but I think it would be too much to ask of you while you're caring for a newborn.