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pnbplus1
Family
Member since 5/09 5751 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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New to this board and feeling...down I guess
Hi. I''m not new to LIF but I am new to this board.
We have just started our road to trying to have DC#2. I was dx with PCOS at 26 (35 now) and so when we decided to try for DC#1, I went straight to an RE. We were really lucky in that we got pregnant with our son on our 1st cycle trying - I did clomid, triggered with Ovidrel, and had back-to-back IUI's, used Crinone too.
I feel like I was very naive going into the process of trying for our son. I wasn't that educated about it, didn't know what to expect, and quite frankly, wasn't stressed about it. Seems surreal looking back now.
But this time around, the reality of it all has set it and I'm just feeling so down about it all. I resent that I have to be at the RE's office several times a week and have to have water sonos, HSG, ect. I hate that we can't just have a baby like "normal" couples. I'm scared of what's to come, and of the undoubted disappointment that will come with every failed cycle.
It's so hard to schedule everything when I have my son to take care of and to do everything in "secret" since this isn't something I want to share with my parents or really anyone IRL, besides DH of course. I can't even pinpoint what it is I feel but it's definitely not optimisim, more like dread. Sometimes, like today, I don't even want to go to get whatever test I need.
Anyway, just figured I'd put this all out there. Guess it wasn't really a good intro since this post is just depressing. Looking forward to posting on here though.
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Posted 10/11/12 2:54 PM  |
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ac13
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/09 745 total posts
Name:
A
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Re: New to this board and feeling...down I guess
i know how you feel. You have to try to stay positive. Otherwise, it'll just drive you crazy and get you depressed. you have to try hard to believe and have hope...
Dont get me wrong, there are times, mostly CD1 as AF arrives, that I break down and just say that I cant do it, but as soon as start my meds, I feel hopeful again. i feel like i'm doing "something". I just look at it as just another step towards my BFP and for whatever reason, this is the path that i'm supposed to be on. I dont like my path right now, but once I get my DC #2 (or #3 LOL), i'm sure i'll see things differently!
I have let very few people IRL in on my journey, and it has helped a lot. Especially in regards to having somebody watch DD. I even told my boss because of the time off. sometimes it just helps for some folks to know. I understand that not everyone has the ability to be able to do that, but if you can...i highly recommend it.
Good Luck to you! I hope your stay on this board is short.
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| Posted 10/11/12 3:36 PM |
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NYCGirl80
I love my kiddies!
Member since 5/11 10413 total posts
Name:
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Re: New to this board and feeling...down I guess
I just wanted to say that I'd reconsider keeping this journey a secret. It can be very stressful at times, and it helps to have a someone to talk to besides your husband. Consider a parent or sibling, if you're close to your family. Or maybe a close friend. There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING shameful about going through IF treatments. And you'd be surprised by how many of your friends may have been through this/are going through this, too.
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| Posted 10/11/12 4:20 PM |
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pnbplus1
Family
Member since 5/09 5751 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: New to this board and feeling...down I guess
Posted by NYCGirl80
I just wanted to say that I'd reconsider keeping this journey a secret. It can be very stressful at times, and it helps to have a someone to talk to besides your husband. Consider a parent or sibling, if you're close to your family. Or maybe a close friend. There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING shameful about going through IF treatments. And you'd be surprised by how many of your friends may have been through this/are going through this, too.
I definitely do not consider infertility to be anything shameful. On the contrary, I'm quite open about the fact that I underwent treatment to conceive our DS.
I just don't want my parents (I'm an only child) to know for now. I don't want someone else also waiting for results and experiencing disappointment, at least not them. I'll share with friends soon enough. It's hard though getting someone to watch DS so often. We just started so I need a little time before opening up about it.
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| Posted 10/11/12 4:27 PM |
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gina409
TWINS!
Member since 12/09 27635 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: New to this board and feeling...down I guess
it suucks..it really does
i hate that anyone has to go through it
and to prove how crazy it made me i am still as bitter as ever to all my friends who get pregnant right away and i am now 31 weeks with    
just gotta keep telling urself it is all worth it in the end
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| Posted 10/11/12 7:41 PM |
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DitD
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/12 650 total posts
Name:
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Re: New to this board and feeling...down I guess
Posted by pnbplus1
I definitely do not consider infertility to be anything shameful. On the contrary, I'm quite open about the fact that I underwent treatment to conceive our DS.
I just don't want my parents (I'm an only child) to know for now. I don't want someone else also waiting for results and experiencing disappointment, at least not them. I'll share with friends soon enough. It's hard though getting someone to watch DS so often. We just started so I need a little time before opening up about it.
I totally understand this. My family knows NOTHING about what is going on. I have a few friends that know about my cycles, but that is it. I am not ashamed, I just don't need to let others down.
I understand your frustration. With my child I make a fun day out of our doctor appointments. He has to come with 99% of the time, and if he is good we have an ice cream date. He loves the doctor so much now he asks to go every morning :)
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| Posted 10/11/12 10:36 PM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Re: New to this board and feeling...down I guess
Posted by pnbplus1
Posted by NYCGirl80
I just wanted to say that I'd reconsider keeping this journey a secret. It can be very stressful at times, and it helps to have a someone to talk to besides your husband. Consider a parent or sibling, if you're close to your family. Or maybe a close friend. There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING shameful about going through IF treatments. And you'd be surprised by how many of your friends may have been through this/are going through this, too.
I definitely do not consider infertility to be anything shameful. On the contrary, I'm quite open about the fact that I underwent treatment to conceive our DS.
I just don't want my parents (I'm an only child) to know for now. I don't want someone else also waiting for results and experiencing disappointment, at least not them. I'll share with friends soon enough. It's hard though getting someone to watch DS so often. We just started so I need a little time before opening up about it.
I completely identify with this. I feel like my journey went through phases... I was quiet about it at the beginning.. then I got pregnant and lost my baby in the 17th week and EVERYONE knew... since everyone knew I was pregnant. At that point, I "came out" with all the infertility stuff. Then after a while I went through cycle after cycle.. loss after loss... and it just started to become grueling when too many people knew my business I felt like I was disappointing so many people  so... now I'm back to the down low thing.
I don't think keeping it to yourself has to do with shame. I think it has everything to do with your entitlement to privacy. Also, don't underestimate the significance of the support on these boards. These ladies are amazing.  
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| Posted 10/11/12 11:27 PM |
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Re: New to this board and feeling...down I guess
I feel your pain. I am finding it harder to deal with all the scheduling, juggling appts and resentment over not being able to this the "normal" way the 2nd time around.
And I am quieter about it this time too because I don't want to hear the "you should just be happy you have a healthy baby" critique so I am lacking some natural support I had last time.
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| Posted 10/12/12 11:51 AM |
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pnbplus1
Family
Member since 5/09 5751 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: New to this board and feeling...down I guess
Thanks everyone for the support, I really appreciate it! I was a little nervous about posting on this board since I have already been blessed with our DS.
It just seems even harder this time around, I guess bc I know what I am up against.
Thanks again!
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| Posted 10/12/12 2:46 PM |
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