fear of letting people hold the baby in the begining

this will be dc#2.

#1 was in the nicu 10 days, so no one got to hold him. We brought him home at night and the next morning relatives came over to hold him(they wanted to come the night we brought him home). After that visit we basically just stayed inside with the baby- it was swine flu season and the nicu/pneumonia thing was more susceptible to getting sick....

I see so many pictures of relatives visiting the hospital and holding the baby. On one side I feel like whats the big deal letting them hold baby, but then I feel like I don't want the baby to get sick, and the fact people can be sick before symptoms show up make me nervous. Then I feel like perhaps its maybe certain people/family I don't want holding the baby because I don't want them to bond with the baby before I and dh have been established.

Then I kinda think I want a week at home before the relatives visit to hold the baby. Last time I felt like I didn't get enough time to bond outside the sterile nicu lights before I had to pass him off and share.Plus, I had over a week to recover at home before ds was released....

fear of letting people hold the baby in the begining

I feel exactly the same way. DH and I basically just told our family that we don't want visitors the first few days at home because we want to just have some peaceful bonding time with our DD. They say they understand, but even if they didnt, too bad because its our child. As far as visitors in the hospital, you could ask the nurses to put your baby in the nursery during visiting hours. I know the hospital I'm delivering at does that for general visiting hours and only allows the baby to stay in the room during grandparents-only visiting hours.

fear of letting people hold the baby in the begining

Seems 100% reasonable to me! First week is just for you! They should all understand.

I only had 2 visitors in the hospital and they bathed themselves in purell upon entry into the room. When we got home, no one came to visit until she was almost 2 weeks old. Rough two weeks with zero help, but it's a give-and-take I guess. I'm sure it'll all be fine!

Re: fear of letting people hold the baby in the begining

I kinda feel the same way about germs and the getting my time with the babies. I'm not too worried about them not bondingwith us because they know us. Our voices, etc. It's very familiar to them already.

My main concern is that I want at least a half hour or so for DH and I to just have alone time with the babies before anyone comes in. I know our families will be there waiting while I have a CS. I don't care if it's 2am and they have been there all day because my surgery was pushed back by other emergencies, etc. If they have an issue, they can come back in the am.

I know they will want to hold them, but I have an issue with people kissing my babies on the face and hands so I'm instituting a rule. Like you said, people can be sick and not know it. I know they have our immunity but that means nothing. If we get sick, we can take meds. They can't take anything for 2 months and would need to go into the hospital for basic illnesses and get spinal taps and all that.

As for not wanting guests the first week, thats totally your perogative. It's ok to tell people you aren't up to it. You have a newborn and people should understand that you might not be up to visitors. I'm sure I'll have immediate family here because they will be helping, but I have no problem holding off other guests until after a week.

Re: fear of letting people hold the baby in the begining

As usual I'm the odd ball. DD is my first and I had no problem with letting anyone hold her. After my bonding/first nursing time with her my in laws sister and close friend came into the l&d room to see her. I was so happy to let everyone see us together. Once I was transferred to my room I was able for share my experience with them and they brought in DD. After DH held her for a bit I wanted them to hold her. They were so happy to. It was the same when other family came to visit the next day. Once the meds wore off I wanted no one near dd or me.lol
By the time the weekend came I was happy to have family and friends over. It's amazing how much joy she brings to others and I love to watch that.

Re: fear of letting people hold the baby in the begining

I'm on the other end. With dd #1 we lived in Utah and our families lived in NY. My FIL was the only one who was able to come visit a few days after she was born. We were home for a day or day and he flew out. Nobody got to meet her for a while. When she was 1 month 2 of DH's aunts came for a visit and then we moved back when she was 4 months old.

I missed the whole people "celebrating" right when she was born. Nobody got to meet her hours old, or even a few days. It was lonely, I was sad for my family, and for us.

While it wasn't crazy busy and it was relaxing not having to take care of anyone besides us I stlll missed it. My sisters have pictures of all family and friends in the hospital holding their LO's.

This time for #2 we are in Boston. I am not sure if we will have people int he hospital but we will def have people at a few days old which I am very happy about.

Re: fear of letting people hold the baby in the begining

My boys were in NICU for 30 days, while there, the doctors and nurses put the fear of God in us. I didn't even tell our families the day the boys were released. I waited a few days and then begrudgedly had the adults over. All little people (school age) did not get to meet them until the boys were 3 moths old. I think they all still hate me for it

Until they were 6 months old I told people (esp boogery kids) to wash their hands before holding them.

I am HOPING that 1) this one isnt a preemie and 2) that i wont be such a neurotic mess, since i am a seasoned vet already We shall see.

Honestly, I remember HATING anyone holding them besides DH for months

Re: fear of letting people hold the baby in the begining

I LOVED that everyone came to the hospital to see us after our DD was born, I think that is part of the fun and excitement of having a baby. That being said, I was also glad though that in the hospital the baby was kept in the nursery during general visiting hours because I really didn't want her passed all around at only a few hours old. She was in my room during grandparent hours but I was okay with that.

When we got home, I was excited to have everyone come see her. However, we came home on a Monday and nobody (except my parents) came over until the weekend so we had a few days alone. I would've been okay if people had wanted to come during the week but since I was recovering from a C-section I was okay with not having anyone too. I wouldn't have told anyone no if they did ask to come during the week.

As much as you want to scoop them up and keep them all to yourself I think you also have to realize that your family and friends are equally as excited to meet your new little one and be a part of everything. I *personally* would've felt bad telling everyone to stay away and I know they all would've been insulted. You have to do what is best for you but I think it's important to include everyone (to some degree) in the excitement of a new birth, but that's just me.

ETA - As far as bonding, trust me, it doesn't matter who holds that baby..........they are going to know you and want you before anyone else. I was down and out after my C-section for 12 hours and didn't get to see or hold DD. All the grandparents and my DH held her that day but I can tell you, once she was in my arms that night, that is the ONLY place she really wanted to be. It's amazing how they just instantly bond with their moms, you don't have to worry about missing out on that because of visitors holding your LO.

Message edited 9/27/2012 8:29:20 AM.

Re: fear of letting people hold the baby in the begining

I want people to come visit us in the hospital, at home etc. I have no concern about our family and friends holding the baby. I know those who might be sick will now better and stay away and everyone will do the whole handwashing thing. I want them to be able to meet, hold and bond with out LO

Re: fear of letting people hold the baby in the begining

I felt this way. DD was born at 3am and my parents, brother and MIL had been sitting in the waiting room since about 2pm the day before. After DD was born DH and I had about 30 mins with her before they came in. I felt sorta bad but I didn't let anyone hold her right then, not sure if that's normal or not. DD went to the NICU shortly after and the grandparents held her while she was in there. I even let my mom feed her one of her bottles (I was BF but due to her blood sugar being dangerously low they insisted on giving her formula too).

My main concern was germs. I didn't worry at all about anyone bonding with DD. She knew my and DH's voices and knew who we were from day one. The only people that I didn't want holding her want holding her were kids and luckily the NICU prevented that from being an issue. I wasn't sure how it was going to go over when I said nieces/nephews couldn't hold her (they are preteens and think they're adults). I was glad I don't have any extended family around here (they would have all been at the hospital wanting to pass around baby, that's what they do) and DH's family aren't big on visiting new babies.

I do like the no kissing rule though. Passing on a coldsore to a baby under 1 month old can cause brain damage or be deadly and people can shed this virus even when no sore is present. Also if they pass on the cold or flu even that could have awful consequences. Make sure everyone washes well, and I prefer soap and water to purell any day. I really doubt just how effective purell actually is.

Re: fear of letting people hold the baby in the begining

Posted by caps612

I want people to come visit us in the hospital, at home etc. I have no concern about our family and friends holding the baby. I know those who might be sick will now better and stay away and everyone will do the whole handwashing thing. I want them to be able to meet, hold and bond with out LO

Re: fear of letting people hold the baby in the begining

Posted by caps612

I want people to come visit us in the hospital, at home etc. I have no concern about our family and friends holding the baby. I know those who might be sick will now better and stay away and everyone will do the whole handwashing thing. I want them to be able to meet, hold and bond with out LO

Re: fear of letting people hold the baby in the begining

I want my friends and family to be a part of welcoming my baby into the world and be able to bond with him or her too. I will enforce hand washing and sanitizer and not allow any face kissing (I know my grandmother is going to be the culprit here), but other than that, this is an experience I want shared with my family and friends.

I've been on the other side. When my old best friend of many, many years had her baby, I was the one in the waiting room all night with her parents and when I finally went in to see the baby, I felt a wall was immediately up. When I went back the next day, the wall was still up. I almost felt like I shouldn't even get within five feet of the baby. It was really upsetting. I vowed at that moment, I'll never be like that.

Message edited 9/27/2012 1:11:05 PM.

Re: fear of letting people hold the baby in the begining

I feel the same way. Its a baby, not a burrito to be passed around.

When my DS was born, if I didn't want people holidng him, I didn't let them. I don't care if they think I was nuts. I'd rather they think I'm nuts than me worry that he's going to get sick at that tender age. You're the mom....what you say goes. Who cares what other's think? As long as you are comfortable and baby is healthy.

To this day, I make people take their shoes off when they come in my house. My MIL has complained to my DH that she is "uncomfortatable with that" I gently confronted her and explained that my floors are my child's playground, and I don't need dung, dirt and crap from the streets outside in the floor that he crawls on. I don't care what she or anyone things. My child, my house, my rules. YOu will be surprised by the power of the word no.

Re: fear of letting people hold the baby in the begining

Posted by caps612

I want people to come visit us in the hospital, at home etc. I have no concern about our family and friends holding the baby. I know those who might be sick will now better and stay away and everyone will do the whole handwashing thing. I want them to be able to meet, hold and bond with out LO

fear of letting people hold the baby in the begining

I don't know, maybe I feel differently cause I didn't go to the hospital when my niece or nephew was born and it was only 20 minutes away....I haven't visited any babies in the hospital.

Maybe I feel differently because I haven't talked to my parents since June.Not complaining about that because my stress level has decreased alot. But maybe that makes me more nervous of my IL's being so eager, because its a reminder of my own parents/sister's lack of interest.

I do kinda like the PP above idea of holding, but not kissing the baby(plus hand washing of course), as a way to compromise on letting people hold the baby.My sons 3, and I'm still nervous people will get him sick when they kiss his face.