Those pg with their 2nd...

Do you ever feel sad that it wont just be you and your lil one anymore? That suddenly he/she will have to share you and you cant give 100% of yourself to them anymore? I started crying the other day cause I realized I have less than a month to go and I felt really guilty that I cant just sit and do a puzzle with DS anymore anytime he wants me to...DD will need me more I guess and it made me so sad.

Anyone else?

Re: Those pg with their 2nd...

Yes, I feel guilty about it. DS is also at the stage where he is getting jealous of the baby. He asked me why I wanted another baby- was he not a good boy. I almost cried when he said that.

Re: Those pg with their 2nd...

Posted by babyfever08

Yes, I feel guilty about it. DS is also at the stage where he is getting jealous of the baby. He asked me why I wanted another baby- was he not a good boy. I almost cried when he said that.

Those pg with their 2nd...

Yes, I could have written your post word for word. Having my second this week and I do feel a little sad that it won't just be the three of us anymore. I am excited to meet the new little one, but I'm scared that DD will be sad that I can't put 100% of my attention on her :(

Re: Those pg with their 2nd...

Yes, I feel like that often. We just got back from a mini vacation and during the vacation Dh, DS and myself went and got ice cream and I just started getting teary eyed out of nowhere. When Dh asked what was wrong, I said I was just sad that this was prob the last mini vacation as just the 3 of us.

Re: Those pg with their 2nd...

I battled these emotions a lot when i first got pregnant. Now i'm looking at it as i'm giving DD a sibling and she is sooooo excited about it and that is whats keeping the guilt away. She keeps asking when baby will be here so i know shes excited. If she starts acting out i may feel the guilt again but for now i'm excited to see her interact with the baby.

I have heard that when the baby comes to make sure you make the time for the older child. Try to set aside time where its just the 2 of you if you can. For me, DD loves going grocery shopping with me so that will still be part of our alone time together when baby comes.

I think your feelings are totally natural and i'm sure i will be getting more emotional about it the closer i get.

Those pg with their 2nd...

Not really because im an only child and i didnt want my DD to be the same.

Those pg with their 2nd...

No, never. I see this second baby as my ultimate gift to her!

I think your feelings on it are more common than mine, though, from what I hear from others.

I also secretly tell myself that I will always love DD more since she came first. I can say that now, but don't promise to say it forever.

Message edited 7/16/2012 4:17:17 PM.

Re: Those pg with their 2nd...

Posted by springsandra

No, never. I see this second baby as my ultimate gift to her!

I think your feelings on it are more common than mine, though, from what I hear from others.

I also secretly tell myself that I will always love DD more since she came first. I can say that now, but don't promise to say it forever.

Re: Those pg with their 2nd...

I felt like that when I had my second. I loved it being DD and I - going shopping, playing etc. Everything was so great and I was so worried about ruining that somehow. My DD's are now 5 1/2 and 3 1/2 and I couldn't imagine it being any different. It is so nice to see them playing together and it totally melts my heart when something happens and my older DD sticks up for her little sister

I'm on girl #3 now and once again have concerns about changing the dynamic of the family - I love how it is now but I know it will be great with the new little one too - just in a different way!

Re: Those pg with their 2nd...

I pg with #2 and this poem made me feel better, of course I cried my eyes out too!

As I hold your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship, I suddenly feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited.
And I wonder: How could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then she is born, and I watch you.
I watch the pain you feel at having to share me, as you've never shared me before.
I hear you telling me in your own way,
"Please love only me."
And I hear myself telling you in mine,
"I can't," knowing, in fact, that I never can again.
You cry. I cry with you.
I almost see our new baby as an intruder
on the precious relationship we once shared.
A relationship we can never quite have again.
But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and
feeling almost guilty.
I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying her.
-- as though I am betraying you.
But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.
More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine.

The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast. But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two.
There are new times -- only now, we are three.
I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch
each other.
I watch how she adores you -- as I have for so long.
I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments.
And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given
something to you.
I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of
you.
I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally
strong.

And my question is finally answered,
to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you-- only differently.
And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my love.
There's enough of that for both of you
-- you each have your own supply.
I love you -- both and I thank you both for blessing my life.

~author unknown

Re: Those pg with their 2nd...

I'm excited they'll have a playmate......

dh at times is kinda said they'll have to share attention.

Re: Those pg with their 2nd...

Yes and no. On one hand, I'll miss our "alone" time. I know it'll be hard juggling a 2 year-old and a newborn, and I can't say I'm looking forward to that. On the other, I loved growing up with a sister, and literally don't remember my life without her. I feel so lucky to be able to give my DD a sibling, and I hope she agrees with me someday.

Re: Those pg with their 2nd...

Re: Those pg with their 2nd...

Those pg with their 2nd...

I felt this way before having #2, i think it is a totally normal and natural way to feel.
Seeing my two together now (3.5 yo DS and 2yo DD) is the most amazing thing in the entire world. The first thing they ask for in the morning is each other and they are as thick as thieves. Last week my son was in time out in his room and I put the gate on the door. He coached his sister on how to open the gate to set him free and she cheered when she got him out. Totally precious. They are best friends and I truly believe each other's greatest gift.
Also, you will find time to have alone time each. Aside from feeling sad that it wouldnt just be DS and I anymore, I had guilt that I never had that alone time with DD that I had for 18 months before she was born. But now a couple of years later, DS is heading to preschool and DD will have some time together to do fun things. She is also going to "school" 2 days a week as well, one of those days purposefully being on ano opposite day from him so that me and DS have some time together too. You find a way!

I never imagined I could love anyone as much as my DS. He is my best little buddy and my biggest fan. But my heart has grown exponentially and my love for DD is just as strong, and the love and adoration they have for each other is my greatest joy. I know it will be the same for you and for your LOs. Good luck!!