I am having my 1st baby and dealing w/the fact that my brother isn't here

I don't know why I am surprised that I am in tears everyday thinking about him. The pain never really goes away, it just becomes part of your "normal" life. I guess subconsciously, I never let myself focus on the fact that my child will NEVER meet him. My god, even typing that out makes my heart hurt. He passed away almost 9 yrs ago so his absence has been a reality for a long time. I know I'm super hormonal but I feel like I am losing him all over again.

He is (I never refer to him in a past tense) the most amazing person. I just am amazed that my little miracle is never going to have a picture taken w/him. All these ppl are going to hold and see the baby and the 1 person, aside from DH, who means the most in the world to me can not.

I'm sad, angry, mad, hurt and ticked off! He did not deserve to die, miss out on raising his own son, being a uncle and especially to grow old.

IDK what I need, maybe just to get this out or maybe some one else who has experienced this w/a loved one. It means the world to me that my children KNOW who my brother is. I am petrified that they never will and his memory will eventually die. He is too important of a person to just fade away. So if anyone has any advice on how you handled or would handle this type of situation, I would def appreciate it.

TIA

Re: I am having my 1st baby and dealing w/the fact that my brother isn't here

i'm so sorry i have not been in this situation but all i can suggest is to keep his memory alive by talking with your kids about him...

I am having my 1st baby and dealing w/the fact that my brother isn't here

His memory will never die as long as you keep it alive. Tell your Lo tons of stories, show his pictures, and his memory will always be there.
I lost both my parents, and my DH lost his dad. My LO is only 3 months old, and I am planning on always talking about my parents and DH's dad. It absolutely breaks my heart that he only has 1 grandparent now, but I plan on letting him know that he is loved by his other grandparents even thoufh they aren't here.

It SUCKS that our loved ones are taken from us too soon, lots of hugs for you sweety!!

Edit to say maybe if you want to honor your brother, if you have a boy, you can make your DS's middle name his name. (or if its a girl you can give her a middle name with your brother's first initial).

My son has my FiL's name, which I think is a nice way to honor him always

Message edited 7/11/2012 11:47:33 AM.

Re: I am having my 1st baby and dealing w/the fact that my brother isn't here

I couldn't have written much of your post myself. I lost my brother in 2006. When I had my daughter in 2009 I struggled with a lot of the emotions that you mentioned in your post.
I also had a tough time with my daughter being the first new member of the family since my brother passed. She will be the first with out any pictures with him. My youngest nephew will not remember my brother but at least they have pictures together.
My brother has equal wall real estate of pictures, and appears in my daughters pictures books, with my other siblings. Now that DD is getting close to 3 she is asking about him, and wondering where he is. It hurts that she doesn't know him, but it's great to talk about him with her.
You are right, it NEVER goes away

I am having my 1st baby and dealing w/the fact that my brother isn't here

Thanks ladies for your replies. I am feeling a bit better now, I guess I just needed to get it out.

Re: I am having my 1st baby and dealing w/the fact that my brother isn't here

Re: I am having my 1st baby and dealing w/the fact that my brother isn't here

Posted by MeganMylo

I couldn't have written much of your post myself. I lost my brother in 2006. When I had my daughter in 2009 I struggled with a lot of the emotions that you mentioned in your post.
I also had a tough time with my daughter being the first new member of the family since my brother passed. She will be the first with out any pictures with him. My youngest nephew will not remember my brother but at least they have pictures together.
My brother has equal wall real estate of pictures, and appears in my daughters pictures books, with my other siblings. Now that DD is getting close to 3 she is asking about him, and wondering where he is. It hurts that she doesn't know him, but it's great to talk about him with her.
You are right, it NEVER goes away

Re: I am having my 1st baby and dealing w/the fact that my brother isn't here

I'm so sorry you're going through this

Re: I am having my 1st baby and dealing w/the fact that my brother isn't here

Re: I am having my 1st baby and dealing w/the fact that my brother isn't here

I too lost my brother in 2006. He was my best friend and I had the same sadness when my DD was born in 2009. We have pictures of him all over our house and she knows his face. I know it's not the same as having him here, but she knows him and we tell her stories about him so that she will have the memories of him that my family has. I truly believe that he is watching over her (and DD2). I hear her say things like "Oh, Hi Uncle ....!!!" when she's alone in her room.

I am so sorry for your loss, its such a different pain when you lose a sibling. My heart is with you!

Re: I am having my 1st baby and dealing w/the fact that my brother isn't here

I'm so sorry you're going through this! I lost my mother 7 years ago and I've been having a lot of the same feelings. I can't believe she'll never get to meet her first grandchild and that my daughter will never know her

Re: I am having my 1st baby and dealing w/the fact that my brother isn't here

i am so sorry you are going through this

Re: I am having my 1st baby and dealing w/the fact that my brother isn't here

First I am so sorry that you are sad, and that you lost your brother. My grandma passed away before DD was born. I have a few photos of my DS with her, but he was very young. I show my kids her photo and they know that she passed away. Even though she and I were not close I still feel that it is extremely important that my children "know" her. They recognize her from photos and know that she was/is my father's mother. I have always painted her in a positive light even though we did not have the best grand-daughter/grandmother relationship. I try to share stories and show them things she left me. If you don't let his memory go, share stories, places that were special to both of you, photos or videos they will know that there was someone who was a shining star in your life. Again, I am very sorry for your loss. May sharing his life with your children provide new wonderful memories for you.