Moms to be who are not Breastfeeding?

How are you dealing with people comments and opinions about your personal decision not to Breastfeed?

I work with a lot of woman who all Breastfeed and I think its wonderful for them but for me its a personal choice not too. I constantly feel like I am being judged.

One co-worker asked me why I wasn't even going to try?? Really? Why is "it's a personal decision" not good enough for people?

I am dreading the lactation consultants at the hospital. I hear they can make you feel like a terrible Mother is you do no breastfeed.

I am 100% supportive of woman who choose too breastfeed - this post is in no way meant to put down breastfeeding moms.

Re: Moms to be who are not Breastfeeding?

When people ask I just say no I am not breastfeeding and its just my personal choice and I in no way judge anyone who does breastfeed its just not for me.

God help the lactation consultants if they try and force me and try to make me feel bad for not breastfeeding after giving birth.

When I had gone on the hospital tour they started talking about how they like to leave the babies in the room with the mother 24/7 for the duration of the stay to help with the bonding process. I raised my hand and asked what if you don't want the baby in the room with you at all times and the looks I got from other mothers were looks of horror. At this point i'm so over everyone and their opinions and them being judgmental that I just say what I feel now b/c they certainly don't have a problem saying what they feel when they have a difference of opinion with me.

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I'm with you, girl! It's just not something I have any desire to do.
I've also heard that they can be a little tough on you in the hospital but I plan to be very clear that I'm not intersted in discussing it.
Also, I know my husband will be mean to them for me if they get to be too much. Lol.

Re: Moms to be who are not Breastfeeding?

I delivered at Winthrop with my son. When he was born, they asked if I was BF to which I said "no, FF." That was it, they simply asked if I would prefer Similac or Enfamil and brought it to me. No stress, no pressure.

I honestly didnt have too many people ask. Those that did were friends or family and I was honest with them. It wouldn't work with our lives, my career and I just was not interested at that point in my life. For us, for our family, it was the right decision. It is a personal decision and different for everyone.

This time around, I am considering it. Simply because a few months after my son was born, I regretted not "trying". I will put no pressure on myself and see how I feel once this baby is born.

Do youself a favor, as with BF and with delivery, go in with an open mind. You never know, feelings may change, they may not but be open. I kind of wish I was more open to it first time around.

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This is just one of many examples where ppl feel, just b/c you are preggo, that they can comment on any choices you are making. IMPO, there is nothing you can do about their comments, but their is something you can do about how it makes you feel.
You as a woman and a mother have made a decision. That decision is yours and yours alone. No one needs to know why you aren't breast feeding or using organic cotton swaddle blankets from Cambodia. I am a soon to be 1st time Mom and some of the best advice I have received is that "once I have made a decision that I know is best for me & my baby I should stick to it. As my child grows, my confidence and determination to stick to my decision will grow too."

Oh and another favor piece of life advice is "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Good Luck!

Re: Moms to be who are not Breastfeeding?

I am going to BF, however I read this and still wanted to comment.

I think you should handle the comments and questions like any other part of parenting where other people like to make remarks and give unsolicited advice and act like they know better or don't agree with your decision. Just ignore it and move on. If they are persistent repeat yourself (ex. well, this is my decision) or tell them you don't want to discuss this any longer (ex. i know bf-ing is important to you, but i'd rather not discuss it anymore) or just stop talking altogether... maybe change the subject.

I agree with the PP, that you may regret not trying. The reason the people at the hospital encourage it or get a little pushy, is because the first few days of milk are SO full of nutrients and benefits for the baby and you can't get that back. What I mean is, if later you change your mind, that small window of providing that for them is lost. However, if you do it for a few days and THEN switch to FF, that's easier. But essentially, what you want to do is up to you and not them.

I've had people already criticize and question me about why I am not taking lamaze classes and why I don't want a mobile above the crib and why I don't have a name picked out, etc. etc. No matter what the topic is that people choose to judge you on, you have to handle it the same way. If you are strong in your decision, then you stand your ground and don't let it bother you.

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I am on the fence about BF. With DS I tried, but we both failed (he wasn't latching on and I lost patience).

I want to try again, but there are other factors that will make the determination.

I actually receive the opposite reaction. When I tell ppl I am considering BFing, most say "Really? Why?"

To each his/her own I guess

Re: Moms to be who are not Breastfeeding?

Ugh! Aren't people so annoying?! First of all, even asking the question is so personal and noone's business, but your's and your husband's. I would come right out and say "that is a rather personal question, and frankly none of your business." Why should we be polite if they're not? My sister had a really tough time with her first child and then when she had her second she didn't even try it. The lactation consultant started in on my sister and she and her husband cut her right down. The LC turned right on her heels and walked out.

You could even say to your nurse that you want it marked in your file that you are not to be visited by a LC.

Good luck!

Re: Moms to be who are not Breastfeeding?

I delivered at Southside and never once did a lactation consultant come near me.
I never even saw one.
After she was born the nurse in the delviery room asked- are you breastfeeding?
I said No.
She wrote it on the chart and that was the LAST I heard of it.
At no point did any Dr, Nurse or LC, try to say one word to me about it.
So it may not be an issue for you.
I can tell you though- that if a lacatation consultant DID try to pull anyting like that and come into my room to berate me for how I fed my baby I would have gone APE SHIT. Especially after giving birth, being hormonal, exusted, etc. Watch out.
I would have told them to leave immediately and threatened to call security if they did not. They have NO right to bother and harrass you. NONE.


As far as other people- when they asked- I'd say "No I am not breastfeeding" Firmly.
For me it was enough- nobody asked anymore questions.
I don't know if this is because I just encountered people who weren't pushy in my life- or- if it is because anyone who knows me knows I am not to be screwed with! I do have a rep of a bit of a beyotch.

Either way- if they get pushy with you- just get pushy back. Say, "I am sorry but unless you are feeding my child for me, you have no say in what I do"
Or a simple - I am not going to discuss such a personal issue with you any further.

Don't let anyone bully you or make you question your PERSONAL decisions.
Period.

Message edited 5/25/2012 11:06:50 AM.

Re: Moms to be who are not Breastfeeding?

Re: Moms to be who are not Breastfeeding?

OMG - I plan on breastfeeding and I'm hearing the opposite!!!

Everyone within arms reach of me spews about how much better/easier it is to formula feed!

I just don't bring it up anymore ever and try and dodge the feeding questions. Usually I just say 'whatever works'.

Be prepared for comments on everything. Just know you're doing your best.

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Re: Moms to be who are not Breastfeeding?

I decided I would try but if it was nto goign well or it just was nto fititng into our lifestyle I would switch. Well DS was screamign his head off at the hosptial cause he was hungry. BF was not goign well and for my DS and my sanity I decided to FF. Did not go over well with soem of the nurses at Good Sam and some would nto even give me formula.

I had DH "steal" me formula from the cart at the nurses station.

Other than that I have nto had anyone question it. If they did I would polietly say I didn't question what you do with your child so please do not question the decsisons I make with mine. If I want your opinion I will gladly ask you for it.

And be done with it. Stand behind any desison you make. It will be right for you and do not let anyone make you feel bad about it.

I am happy everyday that I decided not to BF....the time commitment as a FTWM was not for me and I do nto 2nd guess it one bit.

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So with DD I tried but really wasn't into it and since I myself hadn't been BF by my mom, I didn't really feel like I was doing DD wrong by not BFing.

Of course, my friends who BFed gave me speeches about how it's better for the kid, etc. and they don't get allergies, etc... But even my pediatrician said that he's seen tons of BF kids with every allergy in the book.

Friends also quoted statistics that BF babies are thinner, etc. (My kid is 4 now and is in the like 20th percentile for weight so it's not the case).

So whenever someone told me it was more "natural" to BF, I was like, um think of all the artificial stuff you consume, and realize that's being passed to the baby through your milk. So at least with Formula, I know exactly what's in the milk, less natural or not!!!!

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I tried to BF in the hospital, but it was just not happening. They REALLY tried to push me into trying again, and again, and again. It got very annoying, and I just kept telling them I would try once I got home.