Upset with family and friends

I am going to be entering my 21st week tomorrow, and I realized... how none of my family or friends have ever checked in with me and/or asked me how I am doing since we told them the news.

Only one of my friends talks to me about it (and I assume because she got pregnant 9 weeks after I did, that has a big part to do with it because she is experiencing it with me).

But mainly, my brother and brother-in-law upset me. They both knew we were going to find out the gender too, and we had to contact them to tell them. We always have to reach out.

So many of my friends since childhood said to me when they first found out how excited they were, but why can't I get a phone call or e-mail or text or FB message that just says "hi, how are you feeling? how is the baby?".

I also expected my in-laws to start reaching out to me more. They complain they don't know anything but they never call me or e-mail me. They always go through DH and I can't have any input on their own private conversations... and even DH said the only thing his mother ever asks is always related to "how big is she getting?". All she ever seems to care about is the size of my belly. Not about how I am doing or how we are preparing for the baby or anything else...

This kind of makes me feel sad and lonely. I always try to remember what vacations my friends are taking, what jobs they are applying to, who they are dating etc. And I always make sure to ask them about it the next time I speak with them. Why doesn't that interest get reciprocated?

Re: Upset with family and friends

I'll be honest, it was very similar with me with my first pregnancy. I was a little surprised and taken aback by it, but in the end I realized that having a baby is the biggest thing in MY life, not theirs. And if they didn't want to reach out and ask, then fine that's on them. I ended up having an early preemie and the outpouring of love and support from friends and family was amazing! They DID care, they just weren't asking etc. I wonder if some people don't ask because they don't want to overwhelm the mom to be and some just don't ask because they don't think to, but that doesn't mean they don't care.

Re: Upset with family and friends

sorry and I hate to say it but kinda get use to it I went through the same thing...I was really shocked too!
Once my dd was born I would get a call from my mom or MIL to see how the baby was doing once she was born

Also towards the end of the pregnancy the calls will start a little bit more

Look at the bright side...sometimes its better they dont call and ask cause then they will just compare you to their pregnancy which is even more annoying

Re: Upset with family and friends

Im 31w and my friends haven't really check on me either :( I'm on strict bedrest now and I thought they would've came to visit every now and then or at least call to see how I'm doing - but nope. None of them are married or have children and tend to go out a lot so maybe they feel they can't relate? Idk, I figure I'll meet new friends that I can relate to and old friends will come around when they're ready.

Re: Upset with family and friends

Posted by LoveyQ

I'll be honest, it was very similar with me with my first pregnancy. I was a little surprised and taken aback by it, but in the end I realized that having a baby is the biggest thing in MY life, not theirs. And if they didn't want to reach out and ask, then fine that's on them. I ended up having an early preemie and the outpouring of love and support from friends and family was amazing! They DID care, they just weren't asking etc. I wonder if some people don't ask because they don't want to overwhelm the mom to be and some just don't ask because they don't think to, but that doesn't mean they don't care.

Re: Upset with family and friends

Posted by LoveyQ

I'll be honest, it was very similar with me with my first pregnancy. I was a little surprised and taken aback by it, but in the end I realized that having a baby is the biggest thing in MY life, not theirs. And if they didn't want to reach out and ask, then fine that's on them. I ended up having an early preemie and the outpouring of love and support from friends and family was amazing! They DID care, they just weren't asking etc. I wonder if some people don't ask because they don't want to overwhelm the mom to be and some just don't ask because they don't think to, but that doesn't mean they don't care.

Re: Upset with family and friends

Thanks for talking it through with me. I agree with everything I am reading. I have just been really emotional and lonely lately and I know I shouldn't necessarily be upset over it, but sometimes I get sad thinking about those things.

Re: Upset with family and friends

I know how you feel.

Re: Upset with family and friends

My dh family treated me the same way both pregnancies. They just don't care about me and never once against me how I was, what was going on with either of my girls. It's true I had to accept that it's the biggest thing to happen in my life and not theirs. I have to say it didn't get better after my dd was born. My mil has seen my dd twice in her life she is 20 months. It stinks that one say my dd will ask about her and I'll have to give her some reason as to why she never sees her.

Re: Upset with family and friends

Unfortunately, I think this is really common. I expected my family to not be very involved and I was right. Of course now that I'm at the very end they call much more often. It would have been nice to have that kind of support earlier on but it is what it is. Like the PP said, this is the biggest thing going on in our lives but family & friends are busy with their own lives as well. Just know you're not alone! I'm sure your loved ones will be there for you when you need them.

Re: Upset with family and friends

Posted by LoveyQ

I'll be honest, it was very similar with me with my first pregnancy. I was a little surprised and taken aback by it, but in the end I realized that having a baby is the biggest thing in MY life, not theirs. And if they didn't want to reach out and ask, then fine that's on them. I ended up having an early preemie and the outpouring of love and support from friends and family was amazing! They DID care, they just weren't asking etc. I wonder if some people don't ask because they don't want to overwhelm the mom to be and some just don't ask because they don't think to, but that doesn't mean they don't care.

Re: Upset with family and friends

My friends and ils have been such a great support system for me its my family that suckssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!! this is my first child and i do get that they have their own lives and children but i feel like theyve forgotten how involved i was in their lives when they were expecting. i did so much for everyone and im getting shit from them!!! all i can say is thank god for my friends and ils

im sorry youre going through this
i really they come around

Re: Upset with family and friends

may be sexist but I wouldn't expect my brother in law to ask me how I am........and I was in college when my sister had her kid, so I don't recall asking her how she was......

our parents, grandparents and closest friends ask when they see us.... I sometimes think maybe its a until people are parents themselves they don't think to ask thing.

Re: Upset with family and friends

I felt this a little. I have always been close with my ILs but when I was PG I thought they would be much more involved and calling asking how I was, and that didn't happen like I envisioned. I was really surprised.

I think when we are PG we think everyone has to see its all about us, bc to us it is one of the biggest things we do in life.

Try not to fixate on this. Honestly the constant "how are you's" get old fast!

I will say that once DS was born my ILs couldn't be more involved and couldn't love him anymore. They give the attention I thought I needed when PG, but really, when the baby is here is when you need it!

Re: Upset with family and friends

I hate people. LOL.. seriously though.. I always feel like I try to go so above and beyond as a friend/family member.. and people don't do it back!

Re: Upset with family and friends

My parents are SO involved. They know when all my appointments are and both call to see how they went, how I feel, etc. My ILs NEVER call me.
Every now and then they will ask my DH how I feel but they almost never ask me. The most annoying part is that my MIL always says things like " oh I didn't know you had an appointment...no one tells me anything" or "how come no one told me this" or "how come I am the last to know" bla bla. She makes everything into something about her. I tell her when I have appointments when I speak to her but she thinks it's MY obligation to call HER all the time to let HER know how everything is going. Meanwhile she is basically retired and I am working practically full time with a child already at home and uncomfortable and 8 months pregnant. I Think she could call ME! It offends me but I'm used to it.

Re: Upset with family and friends

This is my 2nd pg and if people see me they will ask "How are you feeling?" or " How far along are you?" but even my family and best friends dont call on me to check.

It was actually good because all those 9 months of not being fussed over prepared me for when DD came and everyone wanted to see and hold her but ignored me completely. It is what it is.

Re: Upset with family and friends

Re: Upset with family and friends

A few of my friends are the same way.. I will text or FB message them to say hi and they won't really ask how i am etc... I guess its just something that is not on their mind... it seems that people just like talking about themselves.

Re: Upset with family and friends

I just wanted to add that I just realized that it's definitely better this time around, very surprisingly. Now my mom knows and asks about every single appointment. Even my BROTHER asks how I'm doing and how the baby is. And my MIL too. I wonder if it's because I am also at the end now so people are anticipating her birth. With my first I gave birth so early that maybe it seemed very abstract like someone mentioned above. Or maybe it's because they know what happened last time and how it's a possibility again that makes them ask this time around.

Bottom line is you never know how friends and family are going to react. All you can do is enjoy your pregnancy and know that they love you no matter what, even if they don't ask you how you or baby are doing