WWYD? Not sure when/how to tell family

Sorry this is kind of long and confusing! Please don't quote, thanks!

DH and I both agree that we want to wait for my 12 week sono to make sure everything is ok before we spread the news. Which will put us right around Easter, so that is probably when we can tell our families. We both have large extended families, and many relatives who we don't trust to keep a secret before we get a chance to tell everyone, so we're trying our best to plan it out so we get to most families on or around the same day before it ends up on facebook or something and ruins the surprise.

The problem we're having right now, is that DH's mom lives out of state, and she's already said she's not coming out for Easter. She will be out here in a couple weeks, but that will be before 12 weeks. And DH doesn't feel she'll be able to keep it a secret, which to be honest annoys me because she's a grown woman and should be able to keep a secret for a couple weeks, but DH knows her best and if he says he doesn't think she can do it, then that means we can't tell her when we see her because she'll tell other family members. But DH also doesn't want to tell everyone else in our families on Easter without telling her and we might not see her again for several weeks or even not until Mother's Day, which is way too late because I'll be like 4 months by then.

So basically, that leaves telling her over the phone, which DH feels really bad about. Do you think it's understandable to tell a parent this kind of news over the phone given the circumstances? I suggested that we email her a picture of the sono while we're on the phone with her and then tell her to check her email so at least she gets to see the sono. I know she's going to want to hug us and all, but we can't think of any other way.

Thanks if you made it this far! I know it was kind of long, but we're just really not sure what to do!

Re: WWYD? Not sure when/how to tell family

We also waited until the 12 week mark to tell everyone. My entire family lives out of state. My parents are in Vegas. So we had to tell them over the phone. Good news is good news no matter how it is told.
Good luck!

Re: WWYD? Not sure when/how to tell family

Re: WWYD? Not sure when/how to tell family

My parents live in FL and I told them over the phone. They didn't mind one bit. I told them the day I got my BFP because they knew the struggles we were going through.

Re: WWYD? Not sure when/how to tell family

I told my parents about all my pregnancies over the phone. And they don't even live that far, I am just impatient.

Re: WWYD? Not sure when/how to tell family

what about skype???

or if that isn't an option what about sending a video through email of you guys announcing it in some creative way? then you can call her & have her open the email video?

that way it's not just "telling" over the phone (which i really dont think theres anything wrong with if you want to stick with that)

Re: WWYD? Not sure when/how to tell family

I would tell her in person. I know you dont trust her but who do you think she would tell? Family? Here is the deal…everybody tells one person. Not sure why but they just feel like they have to. So know she will tell at least one person. Tell her if she has to tell someone it should be one of her work friends who you never see or whatever. But I think it would be great to tell her in person and their is just something about seeing the persons expression. i.e. my sister cried and my dad almost did too.

Ok and both of our parents are out of state. My dad was here when I was 7 weeks so I just had to tell him bc I couldnt hide my nauseas and non-drinking. And I just felt bad not sharing the news in person when I had the perfect opportunity with him visiting. My mom wasnt here but I ended up just blurting it out on the phone which I sorta regret…I wish I skyped with her.

Then we skyped with my inlaws. I was worried to tell them bc they dont "get" the whole wait till 12 weeks thing. But they also know I miscarried last year and I stressed to please not tell anyone yet. We told them NOBODY knows, only parents and siblings. I believe they will respect our wishes. However I bet MIL told someone at work, lol! And I bet my mom told her bf.

Sorry I am writing a book. I used to be gung ho wait till 12 weeks but I found myself caving and telling people sooner. Only bc we had a bit of struggle and now we are just excited!!! So I vote for share in the joy and tell her sooner!

Re: WWYD? Not sure when/how to tell family

Ok, if it was my MIL, I know we'd have to tell her in person or we'd never hear the end of it "you knew when you saw me and you didn't tell me even though you KNEW you wouldn't see me on Easter??" that's just the type of guilt trip I'd expect! lol So, if it were me, I'd probably cave and tell her.... I know it's not easy though b/c you don't want everyone else hearing about it from her....but let me ask does she talk to your husbands brothers/sisters often? Like will she have interaction with everyone else that she'll be tempted to spill? If she already knows that she can't keep a secret, than perhaps she won't be too offended if you didn't tell her while she visited, and if you stick with saying you wanted to wait until you were 12 weeks that should avoid any guilt trips she tries to give you or DH! Good luck!!!

Re: WWYD? Not sure when/how to tell family

Message edited 3/6/2012 5:52:21 AM.

Re: WWYD? Not sure when/how to tell family

My MIL can't keep secrets but when we told her we asked her not to say anything to family. We told her she could tell people at work bc they don't know us and we didn't have to worry about it getting out. She was really good about it and didn't slip. Does your MIL have the same kind of outlet where she can let others know?

Re: WWYD? Not sure when/how to tell family

double post

Message edited 3/6/2012 8:23:41 AM.

Re: WWYD? Not sure when/how to tell family

I understand you wanting to wait until 12 weeks (warning you it will be hard ~ 12 weeks can be a really long time lol) You will have a sono 6-8 weeks and see the heartbeat. If I was you I would want to tell her in person. But if you want to wait until the 12 weeks then the phone and e-mail sounds nice too.

For our DS #1 we told parents and siblings at the BFP ~ we were in shock and could not wait. Close friends were shortly after that ~ I had a couple of friends that figured it out and I can't lie. We got together with family for xmas and I had a belly early on and we spilled the beans sooner than 12 weeks.

For our DD #2 I was a little more leary to tell because I was in shock we got preggo a 2nd time ~ we are so blessed and grateful. So we waited a week a two after BFP to tell the parents (My hubby's parents we on vacation and we wanted to tell them the same time) we told close friends but the remainder of the family was closer to the 12 week mark and I did not come out on FB or anything until 20 weeks (recently) due to some test coming back as possible problems.

Good Luck in your decision!!!!

PS Congratulations