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Rubylove
LIF Infant
Member since 4/11 191 total posts
Name:
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Fighting w/ DH over finding out sex
Ok, not really "fighting" yet but definitely arn't agreeing. It's making me so upset. I am DYING to find out because I have been looking forward to decorating the nursery and buying clothes etc even before I was pregnant, and DH never said a word. Now the past two weeks he's saying he really doesn't want to find out and wants to be surprised, and keeps saying "it's his baby too and not all my decision" and then doesn't want to talk about it anymore.
He's really been the best husband ever, before and after I got pregnant. But the 'nesting' part would be one of the best parts for me. It's our first baby and I want to have the room and name totally ready. I keep trying to talk about it but he's ignoring me now because he doesn't want to get into it. Ok, so what are we supposed to do now?
Anyone else disagree over this, and what did you end up doing? I'm really so upset I want to cry. Maybe it's preggo hormones but I've been looking forward to my 20 week sono since we found out. 
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Posted 3/2/12 6:21 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Arieschick29
aries+cancer= pisces&gemini
Member since 3/06 4268 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: Fighting w/ DH over finding out sex
I thought I wanted to find out with my first child too and DH nearly begged me to not find out. It was something very important and special for him to be surprised when the baby was born.
I realized that that moment for him ( and eventually for me!) was way more important than knowing ahead of time just to decorate.
The baby and I survived with a neutral nursery but I will never forget that second of time when the dr. announced "It's a girl!"
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| Posted 3/2/12 6:29 PM |
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mluvsj
LIF Infant
Member since 4/08 59 total posts
Name:
diane
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Re: Fighting w/ DH over finding out sex
I'm crashing as I already had my baby. I just wanted to give you hugs about this. Me and my dh agreed not to find out but I think it has to be just that an agreement. If you really want to find out you should be able to. I would tell him in a nonconfrontational manor why you want to find out. If he still does not want to know tell him you will have the soon tech write it on a piece of paper and give it to you. This is the tricky part do you think you could keep the secret?. If the answer is yes then you should find out. He will get over it
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| Posted 3/2/12 6:33 PM |
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InShock
life is good
Member since 10/06 9258 total posts
Name:
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Re: Fighting w/ DH over finding out sex
I actually know someone who found out the sex but didn't tell her DH since he didn't want to know. She decorated the nursery, etc, but kept the door closed the whole time!! Kinda crazy, yeah ... but it worked for them! 
ETA: This was their 3rd child, if that makes any difference ...
Message edited 3/2/2012 6:49:03 PM.
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| Posted 3/2/12 6:48 PM |
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MammaPajama
aka HelenZ :)
Member since 3/11 1010 total posts
Name:
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Re: Fighting w/ DH over finding out sex
Posted by Arieschick29
I thought I wanted to find out with my first child too and DH nearly begged me to not find out. It was something very important and special for him to be surprised when the baby was born.
I realized that that moment for him ( and eventually for me!) was way more important than knowing ahead of time just to decorate.
The baby and I survived with a neutral nursery but I will never forget that second of time when the dr. announced "It's a girl!"
I love hearing this stuff, I'm a team green girl all the way, DH wouldn't mind finding out, but I really want to be surprised.
to the OP, good luck, this is not an easy decision to make especially if you're a planner...if it really seems like your DH has his heart set on being surprised, I'd heavily consider it. How far are you from the 20 week mark?
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| Posted 3/2/12 6:48 PM |
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Jax430
Hi!
Member since 5/05 18919 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: Fighting w/ DH over finding out sex
It's a tough thing to disagree about. My DH was adamant about not finding out. I was on the fence, but went along with it. I had the same thoughts as you about decorating the nursery, but now I am so excited about our planned gender-neutral monkey nursery! We figure that we will use the same nursery for our next baby, and move our older child into the bigger bedroom, so it really makes sense to have it gender neutral anyhow. I can't wait to hear the doctor say, "It's a ___!"
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| Posted 3/2/12 6:57 PM |
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hopingforbaby
We made a wish & you came true
Member since 2/10 2695 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Fighting w/ DH over finding out sex
Dh and I also disagreed on what to do. I wanted to be  But dh wanted to find out. After talking it out we decided that we would find out with the first baby and keep the second a surprise. In the end I think it worked out well because I was convinced it was a boy anyways and I was right so there was no surprise there! 
Maybe you two can come up with a compromise where only you find out or maybe you find out with one LO and not the other if you plan on having more children in the future.
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| Posted 3/2/12 7:05 PM |
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Rubylove
LIF Infant
Member since 4/11 191 total posts
Name:
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Re: Fighting w/ DH over finding out sex
Well we just talked about it a little bit and I started crying, and he was laughing at me (in a nice way). He said holy crap hormones, this is not a big deal and laughed about it. I told him that's exactly why I think it means more to me than him. He did tell me his side which I understand, and he understands mine.
I'm 13 weeks so we have time, and he said how do you know one of us won't change our minds? (I doubt we will).
So anyway I'm sure we'll figure it out, I think he'll wind up appeasing me but then I'll feel guilty about it anyway so it's really no win. Hopefully in a few weeks he gets excited and changes his mind, lol.
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| Posted 3/2/12 7:20 PM |
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petvet
LIF Adult
Member since 5/08 1238 total posts
Name:
Meredith
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Re: Fighting w/ DH over finding out sex
I left the decision up to my husband since I felt like he has so little control about everything else in the pregnancy (doesn't get to feel little one everyday etc) . He was team green all the way then switched and we found out. I was ok with either way but for the next baby we will definitely wait. I think it is fun to have both experiences:)
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| Posted 3/2/12 7:35 PM |
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mom2befeff
LIF Infant
Member since 11/11 276 total posts
Name:
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Re: Fighting w/ DH over finding out sex
DH and I had this issue. I told him that we have the technology to see the gender of the baby we should use it. I told him that I was gong to find out whether he wanted to or not. I also said I didn't want all yellow and green stuff. He was hesitant and then once we were in the room with th technician and she asked us if we wanted to know he said yes.
Our issue now is that I want to tell everyone I know the gender but he wants to keep it a secret. So I am working on him with this. I already slipped up with one of my coworkers and so I swore her to secrecy.
Good Luck. Hopefully he will come around. Tell him that you want toknow regardless and that he doesn't have to.
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| Posted 3/2/12 8:18 PM |
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Eireann
Two ladies and a gentleman!
Member since 5/05 12165 total posts
Name:
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Re: Fighting w/ DH over finding out sex
I was team with all three of my children; DH would have found out for sure, but left the decision up to me.
Anyway, in your case, the way I see it is that you're going to find out anyway one way or the other--whether it be 20 weeks or 40. Do you think you're going to be upset the moment of your child's birth when it's announced, "It's a ....!!!!" 20 weeks is a moment in time in the scheme of your lifetime. However, I'm the wrong one to ask! 
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| Posted 3/2/12 8:45 PM |
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mnmsoinlove
Mommy to 2 sweet girls!
Member since 3/09 8585 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Fighting w/ DH over finding out sex
Dh and I did not agree on finding out the gender with dd. He really wanted the surprise and I wanted to shop for gender specific clothing and do the nursrey. We agreed that I would find out and not tell him so he could be suprised but than he started having mixed feelings about me knowing and hm not knowing. One of his friends who has a ds told him how much he loved knowing what the baby was while his wife was pg and how he bonded before the baby was born. So ultimately he choose to find out with me and it was an awesome moment. This pregnancy I thought I wanted to be but dh wanted to find out so we found again.
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| Posted 3/2/12 9:53 PM |
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Rubylove
LIF Infant
Member since 4/11 191 total posts
Name:
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Re: Fighting w/ DH over finding out sex
Well, we went bowling last night with friends and one of them asked us if we were going to find out. I looked at DH and he said, "yes we're finding out" and winked at me.
I feel a little guity that I got my way but hopefully now he will start to get excited about it. AND my 20 week anatomy sono is scheduled on his birthday!!! I think that's a great bday present!
I probably overreacted. He's such a good hubby. Thanks for reading
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| Posted 3/3/12 11:14 AM |
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Rubylove
LIF Infant
Member since 4/11 191 total posts
Name:
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Re: Fighting w/ DH over finding out sex
Posted by mom2befeff
I also said I didn't want all yellow and green stuff.
Lol- THANK YOU! I know it sounds SOO dumb and petty but I REALLY didn't want all yellow and green- the nursery is already green. I asked him if we had a boy if he really wanted to put him in all bright yellow stuff anyway lol.
As for him not wanting to tell anyone, you will be registering for NOT yellow and green so ppl are going to figure it out I guess. I think now that he knows he will want to tell everyone. At least I can't keep exciting secrets!
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| Posted 3/3/12 11:17 AM |
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OrganicMama
So in love with my little man!
Member since 6/08 5172 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: Fighting w/ DH over finding out sex
Posted by Rubylove
Well, we went bowling last night with friends and one of them asked us if we were going to find out. I looked at DH and he said, "yes we're finding out" and winked at me.
I feel a little guity that I got my way but hopefully now he will start to get excited about it. AND my 20 week anatomy sono is scheduled on his birthday!!! I think that's a great bday present!
I probably overreacted. He's such a good hubby. Thanks for reading
What about doing a gender reveal for his bday? Have the sono tech put the sex on a piece of paper inside a sealed envelope and bring it to a baker. Then when you have his bday dinner you both cut into the cake and it's either pink or blue inside. So there's still a little element of surprise for him.
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| Posted 3/3/12 11:45 AM |
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mrsmck
Be a big girl!
Member since 5/05 4898 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: Fighting w/ DH over finding out sex
Fortunately DH and I are on the same page on not finding out. We are Gender specific clothes and nursery weren't a priority to us.
I think it would've caused a lot of resentment down the road for us if one found out the the other didn't.
There's just something about hearing "It's a ______!" from the doctor.
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| Posted 3/3/12 12:08 PM |
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mommy2Alex
3 babies for me :)
Member since 5/05 6683 total posts
Name:
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Re: Fighting w/ DH over finding out sex
Posted by Rubylove
Posted by mom2befeff
I also said I didn't want all yellow and green stuff.
Lol- THANK YOU! I know it sounds SOO dumb and petty but I REALLY didn't want all yellow and green- the nursery is already green. I asked him if we had a boy if he really wanted to put him in all bright yellow stuff anyway lol.
As for him not wanting to tell anyone, you will be registering for NOT yellow and green so ppl are going to figure it out I guess. I think now that he knows he will want to tell everyone. At least I can't keep exciting secrets!
From my own experience and from going to showers over the years, when the gender is unknown most people tend to buy off the registry. I think you get more of the stuff you need rather than 400 cute outfits. After having 2 kids I realized dressing them everyday is pointless unless you are going somewhere. Why make all that unnecessary laundry. LOL. I don't know if that will sway your decision but I don't think people really enjoy buying clothes as much when the gender is unknown.
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| Posted 3/3/12 12:59 PM |
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Melmel821
Love being a mom!
Member since 5/08 2776 total posts
Name:
Melanie
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Re: Fighting w/ DH over finding out sex
We are the opposite. DH wants to find out and I don't want too. I started to sway at my 8wk sono because it was so amazing. We definitely still have time as well. I think DH is going to let it be my decision. There's definite pros and cons to each side so it's really up to the couple. Good luck onyour decision.
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| Posted 3/3/12 3:54 PM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
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Re: Fighting w/ DH over finding out sex
I NEEDED to know and honestly I wish I would (could) have waited bc I really think it must be the the amazing to hear It's a ....
We plan on having another child, god willing, and I really would like to be team green.
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| Posted 3/3/12 11:23 PM |
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gottaluvmusik
Just the 4 of us
Member since 12/06 3554 total posts
Name:
Andrea
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Re: Fighting w/ DH over finding out sex
he must remember that you are carrying the baby not him. if he doesnt want to know just dont tell him.
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| Posted 3/4/12 12:05 AM |
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MrsS2005
Mom of 3
Member since 11/05 13118 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: Fighting w/ DH over finding out sex
Posted by mommy2Alex
Posted by Rubylove
Posted by mom2befeff
I also said I didn't want all yellow and green stuff.
Lol- THANK YOU! I know it sounds SOO dumb and petty but I REALLY didn't want all yellow and green- the nursery is already green. I asked him if we had a boy if he really wanted to put him in all bright yellow stuff anyway lol.
As for him not wanting to tell anyone, you will be registering for NOT yellow and green so ppl are going to figure it out I guess. I think now that he knows he will want to tell everyone. At least I can't keep exciting secrets!
From my own experience and from going to showers over the years, when the gender is unknown most people tend to buy off the registry. I think you get more of the stuff you need rather than 400 cute outfits. After having 2 kids I realized dressing them everyday is pointless unless you are going somewhere. Why make all that unnecessary laundry. LOL. I don't know if that will sway your decision but I don't think people really enjoy buying clothes as much when the gender is unknown.
I agree with this. I hardly got any clothes at my shower. Only my mom bought a bunch of gender neutral stuff. I got tons of things from my registry though. Once DS was born, we got a lot of boy clothes as gifts. My mom also went out and bought a ton of boy clothes. At showers where everyone knows the sex, people tend to buy more clothes.
We didn't find out with DS and aren't finding out this time either. Prior to TTC, we talked a little bit about whether to find out. DH was the one who originally didn't want to find out. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it would be fun to find out in the delivery room. I'm so glad we were Team Green. Finding out in the delivery room is an amazing moment.
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| Posted 3/4/12 8:21 AM |
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Mimms
love my boys
Member since 4/08 2365 total posts
Name:
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Re: Fighting w/ DH over finding out sex
Posted by Rubylove
Posted by mom2befeff
I also said I didn't want all yellow and green stuff.
Lol- THANK YOU! I know it sounds SOO dumb and petty but I REALLY didn't want all yellow and green- the nursery is already green. I asked him if we had a boy if he really wanted to put him in all bright yellow stuff anyway lol.
As for him not wanting to tell anyone, you will be registering for NOT yellow and green so ppl are going to figure it out I guess. I think now that he knows he will want to tell everyone. At least I can't keep exciting secrets!
I just want to jump in here and let you know that I was team twice and this wasn't an issue at all. Neither of my  's ever wore any green or yellow clothing. In my experience friends and family will hear the news of boy/girl and will buy you tons of gender specific clothes. I bought one boy & girl coming home outfits ahead of time and had family wash what I needed and return the other. I'm not trying to sway you team although I will tell you it's a great experience if you can hold out!
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| Posted 3/4/12 8:29 AM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Fighting w/ DH over finding out sex
My thought is that you are the one carrying the baby you get to ultimately decide. I'm happy that he is willing to find out.
Do a search and see the pictures from my Gender Reveal Party. It was amazing and SO much fun. Since the Level 2 falls on his birthday I think this would be an amazing way to celebrate.
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| Posted 3/4/12 8:53 AM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: Fighting w/ DH over finding out sex
I had 2 team green babies...neither wore yellow or green.
the second that baby is out...the gender spreads like wildfire and you are bombarded with pink and blue.
I loved my kid clothes, while i was pregnant, we concentrated on white and red. love babies in white.
I would have never bought a crib/bumper set anyway, so i did not care about that.
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| Posted 3/4/12 8:56 AM |
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