anyone feel kind of isolated?

AnaMaree's post got me thinking.

I guess I feel somewhat alone and isolated in this. Intellectually I know I am not the only person in the world to struggle with infertility. However somehow it just feels like I have to deal with my feelings alone, like a dirty little secret that I should feel ashamed of. I'm not really ashamed but b/c I don't feel I can share this with anyone in my "real" life, and that my DH doesn't truly "get it"

DH doesn't truly understand the stress the treatments will bring both physically and emotionally. While I know he wants a baby, I just feel like he is a bystander and only so involved in it. As a result of him not having to be as physically involved it feels like he doesn't have as much of an investment in it emotionally.

When we discussed the financial cost of the treatments he got very business like and began balancing the statistics against the cost and thinking of it how he would if he were doing a risk analysis (!) he would advise against this. Though, he was willing to go ahead w/ it to take a shot at it in spite of the slim to none chances. the whole discussion felt strange. I know it's a reality check in a way, but still....

Re: anyone feel kind of isolated?

I think you guys are relatively early in the process, no? He will probably get it eventually (of course some guys just never get ANYthing, but that doesnt have to do with IF). They need to go through it on their own as well. After asking my DH to be more involved, he became more emotionally invested as well. You need to be very open with him about what you're going throuhg, physically and emotionally so he can get the scope. All he sees is you injecting meds and telling him youh ave an appointment. You also need to tell him how the meds are affecting you and how the appointments went, small stuff like that.

As for feeling alone, I relaly recommend therapy because you have that time to talk exclusively (if you want) about IF and there's no pressure on asking the other person how they're doing It is very overwhelming and like I wrote in AnaMaree's post, you need to practice self care in order to preserve your sanity.

I definitely understand the "dirty little secret", we dont have many people who know what we're going through because we just are too exhausted to discuss it.

Re: anyone feel kind of isolated?

I like babyart's suggestion of therapy and think i'm going to look into this myself. I started off in this journey after DH was diagnosed with his illness thinking, THANK GOD that my husband can get treatment and whatever happens with fertility was meant to be. Fast-forward 3 years later and my desire to have a child is suffocating me. That mentality is great when it is not a reality. Reality is quite different. Realistically envisioning my life without a child makes me not want to face another morning. I've never been this way, i'm always one to bounce back and fight through but not with this. I just can't.

You are not the only one that feels isolated. There is nobody here that truly understands what i'm going through, not even DH. He is amazing and seeing the lengths that he will go to fulfill this wish of mine (ours but obviously this is more important to me), it makes me appreciate him so much more and shows me his selfless love for me. But does he completely understand? I really don't think so. I think women are built different and forgive me if you disagree, it's just my feelings. To me, motherhood and fatherhood are completely different. I feel like i'm also carrying this little secret around. When I hear stupid comments like, "what are you guys waiting for!!" or "it's about time you guys had a little one," I don't exactly scream out " I CANT!!!!" it's more along the lines of, 'well it's just not that easy.' I truly want to say, "** **** *********!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Re: anyone feel kind of isolated?

that is why i love this board

Re: anyone feel kind of isolated?

absolutely... if someone asks me about it i will tell them... but feels like a dirty little secret... and when ever I do talk about it with someone else they dont know what the fluck im talking about.... so its not even a real genuine conversation... and its great that most people dont say, oh relax and it will happen or try some other ridiculous line... and they just say im so sorry or something like that... but then it just makes it feel like a pity party for me...

Message edited 2/20/2012 12:29:07 PM.

Re: anyone feel kind of isolated?

When you go to the RE's office, they're always packed to the gills- that ought to tell you something! Not only is it commonplace, but it's definitely not an isolated situation at any age.
DH and I kept this dark little IF secret because they couldn't find a Dx and stress ruled our lives. In talking to my therapist, she gave me advice to let it out- within reason. Often times when I tell close family and close friends, I use the term "getting some help in that dept. *wink". Sooooooo liberating! And daily visits to this board help SO much

Doing post searches for older topics that dealt with IVF journals really helped me too, like "let me see what's ahead".

Re: anyone feel kind of isolated?

Totally normal, and yes we all feel isolated at times. That is definitely why this board helps so many of us. We're all in the same boat. Try to attend one of the g2gs!
Ive met some wonderful ladies!!!

one of the pp's suggested therapy, I totally agree.. it helps to really sort out what your feeling!
hugs!!!