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MandJZ
Time for Baby #2!
Member since 8/10 4194 total posts
Name:
M
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I love a house that DH has vetoed...
I'm so sad. We saw a house that I absolutely LOVE, and DH has, after days of saying he was thinking about it, vetoed it. He doesn't like the area. Objectively there is nothing wrong with the area, he just doesn't like it. I'm sad and so angry at him. I'm doing ALL the house hunting work, finding everything, making appointments, etc. and he finds 'dealbreakers' with EVERYTHING. He goes back and forth about what he wants and I'm getting so fed up with him!
Just needed to vent that all out. House hunting is the worst thing to happen to our marriage yet. 
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Posted 1/24/12 10:11 PM  |
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Dulcinea
Weekend Warrior
Member since 3/08 2530 total posts
Name:
Dulcinea
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Re: I love a house that DH has vetoed...
How many homes have you seen? And does he really want to move? He may be vetoing 'cus he's scared of change, if so you may want to rethinking looking to get your heart broken again... Get him on board with moving first...
If he is really ready to move, and you really want the house, then give him a choice. If he can't find anything else you like in 2 weeks or 1 month, then you're buying that house...
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| Posted 1/24/12 10:18 PM |
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MandJZ
Time for Baby #2!
Member since 8/10 4194 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: I love a house that DH has vetoed...
Posted by Dulcinea
How many homes have you seen? And does he really want to move? He may be vetoing 'cus he's scared of change, if so you may want to rethinking looking to get your heart broken again... Get him on board with moving first...
If he is really ready to move, and you really want the house, then give him a choice. If he can't find anything else you like in 2 weeks or 1 month, then you're buying that house...
Oh he really wants to move. We rent a 1 bedroom apartment in Queens, he works on LI. he wants a house, more space, a yard. He's a suburban guy through and through. He's just inflexible in his thinking about areas.
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| Posted 1/24/12 10:22 PM |
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AScottWolf
I <3 our squish!
Member since 11/10 2237 total posts
Name:
Adriana
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Re: I love a house that DH has vetoed...
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| Posted 1/24/12 10:28 PM |
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ave1024
I Took The Wrong Road
Member since 12/07 6153 total posts
Name:
That Led To The Wrong Tendencies
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Re: I love a house that DH has vetoed...
Posted by Dulcinea
If he is really ready to move, and you really want the house, then give him a choice. If he can't find anything else you like in 2 weeks or 1 month, then you're buying that house...
Giving him an ultimatium is one of the worst things you can do when buying a house.
People can take months (if not a year) to find a house.
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| Posted 1/25/12 8:40 AM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: I love a house that DH has vetoed...
Posted by ave1024
Posted by Dulcinea
If he is really ready to move, and you really want the house, then give him a choice. If he can't find anything else you like in 2 weeks or 1 month, then you're buying that house...
Giving him an ultimatium is one of the worst things you can do when buying a house.
People can take months (if not a year) to find a house.
I agree! How would you feel if he pulled that on you. I think it's a terrible way of going into a home.
If you love it that much maybe you can take a ride around the neighborhood with DH at different times of day to check out the area.
If you don't see anything else, see if DH would consider going back for a 2nd look. Sometimes it takes 2-3 visits.
Good Luck. The perfect house is out there for you BOTH.
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| Posted 1/25/12 9:04 AM |
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PhyllisNJoe
My Box Is Broken
Member since 6/11 9145 total posts
Name:
Phyllis
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Re: I love a house that DH has vetoed...
my DH was impossible about some houses we saw. No matter what, it had to have a huge backyard. Didn't matter if they house was PERFECT for us, he refused to even entertain the idea unless the backyard was oversized.
I grew up in brooklyn, so anything with grass is a good backyard to me. He grew up out here on a massive piece of property and nothing compared.
The house we bought makes us both happy. House has everything i want and need and the yard is awesome - front & back!
Hate to say it, but he's gotta love it too! 
and it'll feel much better when you both love the house equally and can't wait to move in.
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| Posted 1/25/12 9:13 AM |
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MandJZ
Time for Baby #2!
Member since 8/10 4194 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: I love a house that DH has vetoed...
Thanks for the replies. I'm definitely not going to give an ultimatum and sadly the house is off the list. Of course I want him to love it too it's just very difficult when he can't even articulate why he doesn't like an area (that is less than a mile from the area he does like), he just doesn't like it. He has limited our search radius to a VERY small area and unfortunately at this point we've seen everything out there in our price range. We're going back for second looks at some houses but I'm not 100% feeling any of them. It looks like we're going to be waiting to see if anything else comes on the market.
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| Posted 1/25/12 9:18 AM |
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PhyllisNJoe
My Box Is Broken
Member since 6/11 9145 total posts
Name:
Phyllis
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Re: I love a house that DH has vetoed...
Spring is around the corner. You will see many more houses come on the market and one's that were out of your price range will drop closer to your range.
People who have their houses on in the winter usually have the prices a lil high because there isn't that much competition, but once spring rolls around, there's a lot of competition and everyone drops it a bit to get in the game.
Don't fret. It'll happen. Just don't settle.
also know you can look somewhat above your range if they have been on the market a while. We got our house almost 30K less then asking price
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| Posted 1/25/12 9:22 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: I love a house that DH has vetoed...
This is a huge purchase. You both have to be happy. Let him dig up some options. Tell him since he can't articulate what he wants he should do some of the leg work. If he really wants to move that will motivate him.
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| Posted 1/25/12 10:00 AM |
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MandJZ
Time for Baby #2!
Member since 8/10 4194 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: I love a house that DH has vetoed...
Posted by Blu-ize
This is a huge purchase. You both have to be happy. Let him dig up some options. Tell him since he can't articulate what he wants he should do some of the leg work. If he really wants to move that will motivate him.
He'll go online and find options but I've seen them all (the online listings) and have ruled them out for one (legitimate) reason or another - like it's on a main road or is in 'poor' condition and is a fixer-upper, which is not what we're looking for. We have literally seen every house on the market in our price range (and in the 50k above our price range) in the tiny area he's interested in that isn't on a main road.
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| Posted 1/25/12 10:34 AM |
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LiveItUp
Love my babies!
Member since 8/11 4096 total posts
Name:
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Re: I love a house that DH has vetoed...
I felt the same way when my DH and I were house hunting. We saw sooo many homes and I always tried to be openminded, but DH was pretty quick to find things he didn't like. It was so frustrating! When we finally saw the house we ended up buying, I was so happy when DH whispered to me "I like it!" while we were at the open house. Try to be patient, it's a huge decision, and you both have to be happy with the home you choose. Good luck!
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| Posted 1/25/12 10:36 AM |
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jana
LIF Adult
Member since 3/06 1134 total posts
Name:
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Re: I love a house that DH has vetoed...
This was my DH..in the beginning. He only wanted HUGE properties because thats what he came from, meanwhile I grew up in Queens and anything over 40x100 was basically an ESTATE to me.
After seeing 70+ homes. He changed his tune. I think it all depends on what stage of the house hunt you're in. After a while, he became more flexible or should I say, reasonable.
Good Luck.
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| Posted 1/25/12 11:55 AM |
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Re: I love a house that DH has vetoed...
My advice would just be too stay open-minded. Don't be too quick to rule out online listings before you see them in person.
Obviously, if a house is on a main road, and you don't want that, there's no point in seeing it. But online photos and descriptions can be deceiving. It depends on the photographic and descriptive writing skills of the agent, and some terms related to condition or how much work a home needs are subjective. You may be pleasantly surprised by a house that you dismissed based on the online listing. I've had many customers comment on how much bigger/nicer a house is (compared to what they expected from viewing it online) once they see it in person.
I also know from my own experience that sometimes you find that the best house for you is what you thought you didn't want. I know I've shared this several times, but I honestly did NOT want a split level home and my husband did not want a corner property. Well, we bought a split level on a corner and we LOVE it.
It sounds like what you can afford in your price range in the area you want are homes that need some work/updating. That may just be the market in that area. So you may have to decide -- do you want a more updated, move-in ready house in another area, or do you want a home in that area that is in less than mint condition? After you look for awhile, you start to realize that some compromises will need to be made, and compromising does NOT equal "settling." It's just being realistic about what your dollar will buy you in different towns/areas.
Good luck!
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| Posted 1/25/12 12:08 PM |
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GoldenRod
10 years on LIF!
Member since 11/06 26792 total posts
Name:
Shawn
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Re: I love a house that DH has vetoed...
You mentioned that he doesn't like other areas, but has he listed why he DOES like the area he likes? Maybe if he can actually list what he likes about that area, it will help both of you find a similar area with similar positives.
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| Posted 1/25/12 1:14 PM |
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8ternity
<3
Member since 11/08 10586 total posts
Name:
Formally NYPD-Wife
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Re: I love a house that DH has vetoed...
My DH did not like our house in the beginning, there were some things about it that he didn't like. I told him why don't we look at the house again and I explained where the furniture will go, we took a measuring tape with us. After looking at it for the 2nd time, he fell in love with it.
Maybe if he looks at it again and sees the picture he might change his mind? otherwise unfortunately you just have to find that home that your both happy with.
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| Posted 1/25/12 2:16 PM |
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Dulcinea
Weekend Warrior
Member since 3/08 2530 total posts
Name:
Dulcinea
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Re: I love a house that DH has vetoed...
Posted by MsSissy
Posted by ave1024
Posted by Dulcinea
If he is really ready to move, and you really want the house, then give him a choice. If he can't find anything else you like in 2 weeks or 1 month, then you're buying that house...
Giving him an ultimatium is one of the worst things you can do when buying a house.
People can take months (if not a year) to find a house.
I agree! How would you feel if he pulled that on you. I think it's a..
If I've seen countless houses, am indecisive about what I want and have unrealistic expectations, I would defer to my husband's decision regarding choice of home if there's nothing else better and we absolutely have to move.
This has happened to me 2x when my indecisive husband can't make up his mind and I found us the almost perfect home. He eventually grew to love both the homes we purchased together.
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| Posted 1/25/12 2:31 PM |
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MandJZ
Time for Baby #2!
Member since 8/10 4194 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: I love a house that DH has vetoed...
Posted by GoldenRod
You mentioned that he doesn't like other areas, but has he listed why he DOES like the area he likes? Maybe if he can actually list what he likes about that area, it will help both of you find a similar area with similar positives.
What he likes about the area that he likes (haha weird sentence) is that it's where he grew up and where his parents live, so unfortunately no other area will quite match that criteria. That's one of the major reasons I feel stuck. he is dead set on this ONE area and really won't entertain going outside it....so it really, really limits us, especially because our budget, even in this market, is fairly low for the area.
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| Posted 1/25/12 3:22 PM |
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