Question for those who are team green, but their husbands wanted to find out the sex

Has he ever mentioned to you that he doesn't feel a bond with the baby because he doesn't know the sex? My husband just said this to me tonight and it broke my heart . He said he feels no connection to this baby yet because "it doesn't have a sex, it doesn't have a name, it's just this amorphous being growing inside me." He said he can't envision future plans with the baby because he doesn't know what it is. It just made me so sad to hear this. Wondering if anyone else's husbands feel that way.

Re: Question for those who are team green, but their husbands wanted to find out the sex

My husband never said that to me, but kept bringing up finding out. I def didn't want to find out, but his wanting outweighed my feelings on the subject. So I gave in...

He just really wanted to know for some reason, maybe for some of the things your husband said.

Re: Question for those who are team green, but their husbands wanted to find out the sex

Lurker here. Tell him to blow it out his a s s . He is trying to guilt you into letting him find out the sex. My dh did the same thing with both my pregnancies. I told him when he carries and births the baby he gets to decide if we find you the sex. And to be honest most men don't form a bond like the mother until after the baby is born. It has nothing to do with naming or finding out the sex. We get to hold the baby inside us and bond the whole time. That is a very strong and instant bond. Don't get me wrong they love the baby from the first time they see the flicker on the screen but bonding usually happens after the baby comes out. If you want to wait to find out the sex then wait. It's well worth it :) i loved hearing it's a ...... in the delivery room!

Re: Question for those who are team green, but their husbands wanted to find out the sex

Thankfully my DH is the same as me we both want to wit until baby is born.

You should definitely do what you want to do. Did you stay team last time?? If so did he have any problems connecting with your DS??

Message edited 9/27/2011 7:26:18 AM.

Re: Question for those who are team green, but their husbands wanted to find out the sex

No he has not said that but he has a hard time "talking" with the baby without knowing what it is, he's just really awkward about it. Although I don't know how much different he would be if we did know the sex. It's crappy of him to say that to you even if that's how he feels... some things are better left unsaid.

Re: Question for those who are team green, but their husbands wanted to find out the sex

Is he trying to guilt you into changing your mind or does he really think this?

Being a first time parent we both had no idea what was happening or when it was happening. We both got to experience the firsts together, even though I was the only actually experiencing it. I made sure to tell him anything related to the pregnancy. Even if it was gas. I figured Hey, we did this, we should know what's happening.

I feel my DH really appreciated me telling him and including him on everything like that. He cuddles up to me every morning before getting out of bed and just holds my belly, feeling the kicks. That's his way of including himself.

I'm really sorry he said that to you.

Re: Question for those who are team green, but their husbands wanted to find out the sex

Nothing like that, but he does keep asking if I've changed my mind. I'm 37 weeks, not changing my mond buddy.

Re: Question for those who are team green, but their husbands wanted to find out the sex

Thanks for the responses, ladies. I should clarify- he was not making an attempt to guilt me into changing my mind. Let me give the background info:

For my whole life, I've always known that when I had children, I didn't want to find out the sex. My husband knew this when we started dating. We lightheartedly argued about it back then. Then, fast forward, we're married, get pregnant, and it was just understood that we were weren't finding out. He teased me a few times during that pregnancy that he was gonna figure out from the sono, etc. but nothing more than that. During the whole pregnancy, he was constantly touching my belly, talking to my belly, wanting to hear about everything, came to almost all doc appts. Then, when I got pregnant this time around, he swore up and down for the first few weeks that somewhere along the line I had made a deal with him that we would find out for the 2nd. I promise, no such deal ever occurred. But for some reason, he though it did. I think that is causing some bitterness for him because he had his hopes up. He spend the first month or two of this pregnancy making almost daily attempts to get me to change my mind. But one day, a few months ago, he said "Ok this is going to be my last attempt here." and gave me a whole long spiel with all the reasons for finding out. Of course, I still wasn't convinced, but he stuck to his word and hasn't brought it up since. Last night, I brought up to him that I feel like he has no interest in feeling this baby move. Every time I tell him the baby is kicking, he just comments on it or something. I always have to ask him to feel, and then he'll leave his hand there for like 30 seconds and pull it away. So I said to him "What's up with that?" and that's when this all came out. I said "But we didn't know the sex the first time around and you were all over my belly." He said "But it was all new then."
I don't know, it just made me so so sad. I don't know if he felt that way the first time around, but he does have an incredible relationship with our son, and that's been obvious from the second he was born.

Thanks for reading all of this. It just broke my heart, and I figured I'd let it out on here to see if anyone else was going through this.

Re: Question for those who are team green, but their husbands wanted to find out the sex

I'm really sorry that you are both feeling the way that you do. Maybe with telling him that you noticed he will put a better effort into feeling connected and making a bigger effort in general.

Re: Question for those who are team green, but their husbands wanted to find out the sex

Message edited 9/27/2011 2:05:25 PM.

Re: Question for those who are team green, but their husbands wanted to find out the sex

Re: Question for those who are team green, but their husbands wanted to find out the sex

My DH never said that, we were never team green but I sort of felt that way. Seems silly I know but honestly knowing the sex, for me, gave the baby more an identity. I DO think waiting to find out is wonderful & probably the best surprise ever, I just couldn't do it. Maybe next time I will be able to!

Re: Question for those who are team green, but their husbands wanted to find out the sex

I don't think your husband is wrong for feeling that way and I don't think he is trying to guilt you into finding out the sex either, I'm sure he honestly feels the way he does and he can't help it.

I say that because I feel that way a little bit. I can feel the baby move, I have a belly, I feel pregnant all of the time and I am so in love but there is a part of me that can't connect 100% yet because I don't know if I'm feeling and talking to a little boy or girl (and I'm the one who is pregnant! Imagine how my or any other DH feels!). That is the biggest reason we are finding out the sex. I feel like I will be able to be bond so much better once I know. For me it will give the baby more personality and it will make it feel more real, it gives the baby an identity like someone else said. Like your husband I have a hard time daydreaming because I find myself rotatating my daydreams from boy to girl and then I feel bad if I'm picturing one sex over the other more often. The same thing with names. So I can understand where he is coming from.

I'm sorry you guys can't agree but I don't think you should be mad at your DH feeling that way.



eta: I don't think you are mad at your DH, you didn't say you were, you said it broke your heart, I'm just saying in general you can't hold feelings like that against someone. I don't agree with what that other poster wrote. And I think you letting him choose the name is a nice compromise!

Message edited 9/27/2011 4:29:34 PM.

Re: Question for those who are team green, but their husbands wanted to find out the sex

That's sucky that your DH said that

I was team and I always knew that I would be.

DH wanted to find out so bad but respected my wishes to stay green.

He was so excited and happy when he got to walk out to the waiting room to tell our moms "It's a GIRL!" We have it on video and it melts my heart every time I watch it

Now he wants to be for our next baby.

Go onto Youtube and search for "It's a girl/boy" "Baby announcements" etc. Look for videos of the daddy coming out to a waiting room full of family and getting to announce the sex. Maybe that will get him excited about being green.

Re: Question for those who are team green, but their husbands wanted to find out the sex

so sorry your going through this, i am totally team green - although as it gets closer i see the benefits of knowing. dh has never pressured me or said he doesn't feel a connection, but i guess i can understand that, i mean we get all the interactions with the baby, the kicks the joy of knowing we are carrying our baby makes me feel bad for my dh in a way like i get all the joy!!
hope it gets better

Re: Question for those who are team green, but their husbands wanted to find out the sex

Posted by ItsaJoya19

That's sucky that your DH said that

I was team and I always knew that I would be.

DH wanted to find out so bad but respected my wishes to stay green.

He was so excited and happy when he got to walk out to the waiting room to tell our moms "It's a GIRL!" We have it on video and it melts my heart every time I watch it

Now he wants to be for our next baby.

Go onto Youtube and search for "It's a girl/boy" "Baby announcements" etc. Look for videos of the daddy coming out to a waiting room full of family and getting to announce the sex. Maybe that will get him excited about being green.