what do you do when you really want to give up..

I dont know if this is a question or a vent..i just dont know what to do anymore..

i am tired..tired of all of this..i want to be pregnant already and i want it to stick(like all of us )..i am usually the one who will say to myself..dont get upset..thisis her time,mine will come and someday it will be me etc etc..

but now..i cannot even do that..what if it does not happen? i mean yes everyone can say ypou will get your baby one day but ya know what,what if i dont?

i dont even find myself sad anymore..i am mad..mad at the wold..mad at people who do not know the miracle they have been given..mad at the ones who think they know what we have gone through but really have no idea..

i do not want to feel like this anymore..i want to go back to being a happy person who loved life and wanted to see her friends and the world instead of this girl who is sad all the time does not want to do anything and when she does go out deserves a oscar for the smile she has on her face

i know many girls,esp on thsi site have been through so much more than i have..i give you girls all the credit in the world..i dont want to take a break..we prob should but i dont want to bc i just would try myself crazy thinking i am wasting time

i am sorry so long..i am just having a bad week..must be all these hormones

thanks so much for reading..u ladies r amazing!

Re: what do you do when you really want to give up..

Sometimes I think you might need to just take a month or 2 off. I did and while I was lucky and got PG during that time it also made me ready to move on to IVF. The 2 months of no Drs appt and charting and testing and meds etc were so nice. i felt normal again.

Re: what do you do when you really want to give up..

I allow myself a pity party then try.to.think of all the good things that I already have in my life rather than what's missing. Then I pick up the pieces w my DH and start all over again.

Re: what do you do when you really want to give up..

I felt like this so many times. I understand. I truly thought I might be one of ones who never gets pregnant. I think the only thing that keeps us going is knowing that's really the only option. We have to keep going because we want to be mothers. Your allowed to feel like this, but in the end you'll keep moving on because you have to. I never took a break, but I know that isn't right for everyone. I would have gone crazy during a break knowing the days were passing by. There were many times my DH tried to convince me to take a break, but I just couldn't do it. You'll know what's right for you.

Re: what do you do when you really want to give up..

I can identify so much with all of this. I'm not a "break" person either because I feel like it just wastes time.. I mean, that's my personal feeling at least. I know for some people, breaks are a blessing.

I have also had to take forced breaks after losses... cd3 appts with leftover follies from the previous cycle.. not being able to transfer for IVF .. and I always found those forced breaks to be stressful.

Anyway, I think what helps me move forward is two things. One, is the feeling like I suffered so much that I want it to be worth something. I want to somehow someday come out of this a success story and make all my suffering actually AMOUNT TO SOMETHING in the end... Otherwise my loses would really have no purpose, if that makes sense.

The other thing is just my overall sense of numbness. I feel like at this point I've been put through the ringer and experienced such heartache that I'm not fearful anymore. I've grown to expect the worst and hope for the best, as horrible as that sounds.

Re: what do you do when you really want to give up..

You are allowed to feel mad and sad and angry and resentful and jealous and any other feelings you have. There is no way anyone can go through IF with a smile on their face and their chin up all the time. Give yourself time to feel all your feelings, then get right back at it. I am not a break person either. I am very stubborn and a control freak and want what I want when I want it-unfortunately that doesn't work in this situation. You have it in you to get through this and you will

Re: what do you do when you really want to give up..

It is sad to say, but your feelings are no uncommon and very well justified. I, we have been there sometimes just once, and sometimes more than once. I agree with Alli, a break sometimes is needed. I was starting to resent everything about fertility treatments, my relationship with my husband was starting to feel the effects of it as well. So, the month we were given the OK, to start again, we decided to take a break, and it really has been something that I, we needed. The fact that we decided to break, and not given the order to, made us have control again.

I understand, many of us don't want a break, but sometimes a break is needed, just for your own sanity.

I hope this helps, if not to make you take a break, but at least to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!! We have been there and we are here for support.

Re: what do you do when you really want to give up..

I understand how you feel and I think this is basically a roller coaster, some periods of time are good and others bad, sometimes you're mad and other times your sad.

I personally go through a lot of emotions at different times and it sucks, but the worst part for me (and probably some of you too) is that I feel like my life is on hold and I am wasting some of the best years of my life being upset and waiting. I literally would fast forward time to when I get pregnant if I could.

I think in a situation like this we don't really have a choice but to keep on moving forward and not give up and have faith and try to be positive, honestly I know how hard that is to try to do.

Re: what do you do when you really want to give up..

Re: what do you do when you really want to give up..

Re: what do you do when you really want to give up..

I can't tell you how many times I have felt the exact same way. I would take a day or two and do whatever I had to do....scream, be alone, shop, lock myself in the bathroom, pray. Then because I knew I didn't want a break or to give up, I would get back on the horse.

As long as you and your DH are alive, there is ALWAYS hope, always. It WILL happen.


Many

Re: what do you do when you really want to give up..

I'm not the best person to give you advise since I'm in the same boat. I know exactly how you feel. I'm contemplating taking a month off because it seems to happen for people then. But then I think duh, it wont happen for me so why bother. Everyone says it WILL happen, but deep down inside I have a gut feeling it just never will.

Re: what do you do when you really want to give up..

Re: what do you do when you really want to give up..

everyday

if u ever need someone to just listen, i am here

Re: what do you do when you really want to give up..

You know, I feel like I've been through exactly this so many times over. I can't say i'm one to take a break, though I've been forced to from losses like some of the other ladies and it felt like the longest 2WW of my life.

I go through the progression of devastation to rage to the hopelessness you're talking about, and at the end of it all, I'm faced with two choices:

(A) Give up and accept that I'll never have a family of my own...picture what that version of the future looks like...not just in the immediate future while we still have our friends and our parents but way down the road when a lot of that has fallen to the wayside.

or (B) Ride the infertility train until I run out of gas (or insurance coverage, as the case may be). As much as a hate it and I'm exhausted and afraid and all out of hope, terrified to allow myself any optimism just to be knocked down again, my last emotion is just resignation--I have to keep trying until either there's nothing left or I finally get my baby.

so there it is. I wish it could have been more uplifting, but that's the truth of this for me.

Know that so many of us are right here with you, and take comfort in how many girls have been down this same road and are celebrating an inspiring string of BFP

Message edited 8/25/2011 4:53:07 PM.