wwyd? baby shower q- update more info

there is a double baby shower in a couple weeks. long story.

i had my mc last month.

they all know.

i feel no matter what i do...i will feel like crap..wether i go or dont go. and i knowwwww everyone will have stuff to say either way. i know i cant hide away forever but... would you say its too soon? feel very uneasy bout the whole thing. ty v much


updateish.... i didnt add it at first but who cares....its a work double baby shower.
so i hear about plans allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll day long and i am sure i will be asked to be involved. i dont know how i can just see how i feel on that day bc i feel this pressure to be involved leading up to it.....
and tyyy soooooooooo much for being so supportive everyone!!

Message edited 4/27/2011 9:25:32 PM.

Re: wwyd? baby shower q

Hi,
My close gf at work had her shower about three weeks after my 1st loss (at 15 weeks). I choose not to go after careful thought. Everybody understood and some people did comment (sometiimes helpful/sometimes hurtful). I was happy with my decision not to go. My feelings were very raw and I didn't need to have everything brought back up again. I made sure to be busy on the day of her shower.
Having said that, it is YOUR CHOICE and you should do what feels right. Period. Anybody that matters will understand either way. I'm sorry for your loss.

Re: wwyd? baby shower q

I've been in this position more than once, including both of my sister in laws, best friends and other family members and it's not an easy decision to make. Because everyone knows of the situation, I would take it day by if you can. If possible give a last minute answer, day before, day off, etc. Obviously if it's at a house, its easier than a restaurant but still things happen and emergencies come up that guests are unable to attend. You are most important, your feelings, your well being, your grieving process. It's an emotional rollercoaster that many people will never understand. It also depends upon whether its a family shower or a friends shower and the environment and dynamic of everyone attending. After so many losses, I find it easier to just send a gift and not attend. HTH!

Re: wwyd? baby shower q

I went to 2 baby showers in the midst of my miscarriage
got home from one and realized I no longer felt pregnant and then went to a shower 2 days after my d&c .
Like you said you feel like crap either way but my thoughts I know how precious these babies are ( even if there parents don't) and one day it will be my turn so let me celebrate these babies I also like to go to see family/friends I don't usually see.
In my case only my mother knew.
I hope either way you decide you have some peace that day

Re: wwyd? baby shower q

I had a baby shower 1 month after my miscarriage, it was for one of my very good friends. My husband is the god father to their son. I went, however it was extremely difficult for me and I cried when I left. I wish I could have stayed home but I felt I needed to be there. My best friend was there and we drank together so that eased it. It didn't help that someone at our table annouced their pregnancy, not fun. Honestly, if you can stay home and you aren't up to it, don't go. People who are close to you will understant and for those that don't too bad!

Re: wwyd? baby shower q

Honestly I wouldn't go. They'll understand. We had a 1st birthday for a family member about a month after my miscarriage. I canceled. I just couldn't deal. Not only with the kids, but I didn't want the barrage of--how do you feel?

Every time I even thought about the party, I'd start crying. Ultimately DH decided it was way too stressful for me to go. We stayed home, cuddled, and watched movies that day.

Looking back (a year ago), I wouldn't change a thing and don't regret missing the party.

Sending you lots of .

Re: wwyd? baby shower q

I had my cousins baby show the weekend after my m/c... I went and it was fine... Only my gma and 2 of my aunts said anything to me about it... I was more concerned with getting upset at ther party... But I was reattached and a moat people there had no idea, so havong a breakdown wasn't an option

Re: wwyd? baby shower q

Lol sorry posting from my iPad and can't edit.... I was saying that I was preoccupied and since most people didn't know....

Re: wwyd? baby shower q

1000000% your choice and what you feel comfortable with. F anyone you says anything to you

Re: wwyd? baby shower q

I think that whatever you feel the most comfortable with you should do. No matter if is a baby shower, or a picnic, seeing people for the 1st time will be upsetting b/c it will be the first time they see you, and will be speaking with you about it.
See how you feel the day of, maybe you can tell the people I am going to try and be there, but cant fully commit yet. That day if people want to talk and you dont, there is nothing wrong with you politly saying id rather not talk about it today

Re: wwyd? baby shower q

I would wait and see how I was feeling that day. If you don't feel comfortable going, there's no reason you should have to put yourself through that.

Re: wwyd? baby shower q- update more info

In that case I'd pass ... come up with some excuse.... Car broke down, something like that.....

Re: wwyd? baby shower q- update more info

I attended a shower about a month ago.

I was dreading the invite.......but I knew with no doubt that I'd be invited.

The issue with me was that this person found out a week after I did that she was pregnant. Problem was.......I lost mine.......while she continued to be blessed. I tried for 3 years.......while all she did was try for 2 months!!!!! I can't explain the hurt in that! It was terrible.

I also knew mine was a boy (after my D&C).......and when I found out hers was a boy.......I completely LOST it. I was actually hoping she was having a girl to spare myself the feelings. Silly as it sounds.......I know......but its how I felt. When I found out she was having a boy; I felt the hurt and devastation alllll over again.

She is somewhat of an acquaintance of our group of friends......so I went with a good friend of mine who ONLY knew what I went thru.

I had to go......b/c our DH's are friends. We went.....it was OK......but the second she started to open presents; my friend and I jetted. That was our plan.

I was able to deal with the day......until presents started and knew I wouldnt be able to handle seeing all the "boy" stuff. We left just in time.......we told her when we got there that we had to leave early for "whatever excuse" we had. And it was no big deal. I was OK.

So......I guess my opinion to you is can you go but leave early??? It wont be that obvious......You'd still show face but wont have to stay the whole day.

And you said double......so this is a 2-in-1? Id get them both over with; stay for literally 2 hours......and say BUH-BYE!!!!

Re: wwyd? baby shower q- update more info

Last Fall I declined an invitation to a very close family friend's baby shower. I had to do what was best for me. Although I was so happy for her and her husband (who I have known since I was about 5), it was just what I had to do. I did send a very nice gift though. Go with what your heart tells you to do. Good Luck!!!

Re: wwyd? baby shower q- update more info

I've been in your shoes and even had to plan baby showers during that period, I've always chosen to attend/plan them because I want to have the faith that I'll have another baby and don't want to regret missing anything. I know I would regret it in the long run, so that's just me.

For you, I think you need to do what makes you most comfortable. I'm the ultimate planner and take everyone under my wings - I've planned sooooo many bridal showers, baby showers, 2nd baby celebrations, etc. It's just my nature. So, I know I'd feel bad afterwards if I missed any of those things.

It's so hard, I don't think there is a right answer. Just the one that brings you the most peace.

Re: wwyd? baby shower q- update more info

I was invited to a baby shower not long after I had a miscarriage. I did not go.

I was also invited to a baby shower 7 months after my miscarriage... and ironically on what was my due date. I did not go.

It was too much for me personally and the latter person was also making some strange asss comments to me prior to her shower which made me even more uncomfortable about going. I declined and sent a gift to each shower.

I didn't feel sorry for not going. And I honestly felt I made the right decision for me.