Hitting...

I don't know what to do anymore....

Everytime Jared gets frustrated or mad, he hits me. I have told him no while holding his hands (what the doctor told me to do) and now I'm giving him time out in his crib (he's there right now). But it got me to think...should I not put him in his crib because then he will think that everytime he goes there, it's because he's bad...then it will interfere with sleep.

I really am at a loss here...I don't know where he got this smacking from...

I need some advice...

Re: Hitting...

I would put him in a chair rather than his crib. We did the room thing & then realized that he was only in his room when he was punished or sleeping.

Re: Hitting...

Stephanie I don't have a baby that age yet but I remember reading ( I might be wrong) that he might be too young to understand time out. I don't think they understand consequence yet. I remember reading that by you saying "no" likeyou do and then distacting him it is sufficient enough. I remember the case was with biting. It said to firmly say no and distract the baby. You don't want to give too much of a reaction because he might think it is a game.

Re: Hitting...

Any other moms with babies around a year experiencing this?

Or any BTDT moms experience this?

Re: Hitting...

Andrew is 2 and he is just starting to get the idea of a time out. I think Jared may still be too young to understand. I use the big chair in our living room and not his crib because he loves his crib and sleeps well in it, so I don't want him to associate bad with it.

Re: Hitting...

Stepf, no kids here but mom had done daycare forever and most around his age. She does use the "time out" for them because they smack each other. It works here because they cant stand being away from the other kids.
She uses a corner method. Maybe a chair in his room would help.

My friend's son is 4 and continues to do this and I think its terrible and now kicks her as well. She also used to laugh at what he did...no helping in that matter.

Message edited 7/14/2006 9:52:38 AM.

Re: Hitting...

I wish there was an easy answer to this and I do think the best approach varies by each child. With Claire she has been biting/pinching and hitting since around 11 months, she is 19 months now and she still does these things when she gets fustrated.

When it first started, she would often do it for no reason, almost just exploring, now it is intentional when she is upset. I have been giving her 1-2 minute time outs since about 12 months old and she has responded really well. I basically just sit or stand her next to the nearest wall and tell her to take a time out, she cries/whines but when its over I reinforce why she got a time out and then we do hugs. Even though it has not totally stopped the bad behavior it has decreased, I give her the time out immediately and it prevents the situation from getting worse and she is learning the boundaries.

Good Luck!

Re: Hitting...

It's pretty normal. At a year, they don't really understand right from wrong and a time out. Hitting = attention to him. He hits, you give him attention and he keeps doing it.

I would say hitting isn't nice, lets go play with such and such. Refocusing worked well for us.

Also, if you know he's upset, you could say I know you are upset, but we don't hit when we are upset. Then refocus him immediately to a toy or a game. Once he begins talking, it should get better (to explain more of why he's upset/frustrated.)

Re: Hitting...

I am not at that stage yet but have worked with numerous children with emotional and behavioral problems.

I think Jared may be too young now for a designated time out area. He may also associate "bad" things with his room or crib if that is the area used.

I would do what you have been doing. Stop it immediately say no firmly, grab his hands and don't make eye contact. After a few moments offer him another task and praise him like there's no tomorrow giving him eye contact and showing your approval.

I know it's easier said than done. Hang in there

Re: Hitting...

I've tried to refocus Jared when he gets mad but then he starts to hit and knock over his toys.

I'm going to find a different place for him to have his time outs. I want him to love his crib.

I know he's probably too young to understand time outs, I don't want him to get into a bad habit with hitting me or others. It's quite embarrassing when he does it in public.

Re: Hitting...

Andrew's been hitting and throwing things in anger since around 12 months. I do what you have tried with holding his hands and telling him not too, but then he laughs and then I try hard not to laugh.

I didn't think about a time-out b/c I just assumed (even now at 17 months) that he's too young to get it.

But if you do use it, I definitely wouldn't make it in his crib....

Re: Hitting...

Stephanie we are in the same boat. She has quite a little temper. I know it comes from frustration of not being able to commuicate everything she wants. Just before her nap she wanted to go in her pool. She kept going to the back door and pointing and when I took her away she threw a fit. When she hits I do the same as you. The other thing I have found from watching my Mom with her, is if she gets like this, first I tell her I know she is upset. I try and talk to her (which doesn't work but it's good for her to listen) then I put her down in a spot and let her have her melt down and honestly I ignore her until she calms down. Once she is calm I go to her immediately. Give her a big hug and a kiss and we do something else. She realizes when I ignore her that she needs to calm down. I have definitely seen a reduction in how long her fits last.

Re: Hitting...

mariss is gonna be 2 in september and when she hits or does something wrong I tell her that she is being a bad girl and if she does it a 2nd time I put her in her room and trell her she has time out she gets upset but I leave her there for 2 minutes and I go back in and tell her again that what she did was wrong I will say to her you no hit mommy that is bad you hurt mommy when you do that. Then I tell her to say she is sorry and I will take her out of time out. she will give me a hug and a kiss and say sorry then I will let her out of her room.

I have tried the chair or couch but she won't stay seated so thats why I put her in her room. It hasn't affected anything with her sleeping or not wanting to go in her room.

Re: Hitting...

Bryan does this ALL the time ( he is one), he smacks me in the face for no apparent reason. What I have been doing is saying nice nice nice to mommy that doesnt really work so now what Ive been doing is saying no,nice to mommy give mommy a hug and lately he has been giving me a hug. While it doesnt stop the inital smack Im hoping that the hugging will take over eventually. Everytime he hugs me a make a gush over it so he know that that is what he should be doing not hitting.