I'm going to lose it!

during this last 2 1/2 year journey I've had 2 very good friends get pg and give birth (I'm very happy for them), multiple people I know have had babies but even though I don't associate with them on a regular basis it still stings. Friends having abortions Recently during our struggles I've had my 19yr old nephew's 16yr old girlfriend get pg (due any day), a friend who doesn't deserve a kid (I won't say anything else incase someone sees this), today on my first consult with dr b since my d&c a few weeks ago on the way to his office I stopped at trader joes, while there I get a text from a friend that she's pg, I start crying right there in the nut aisle... Convient bc that's what I probably look like. Then to top things off while waiting in the waiting room I find out that my 19 yr old cousin just found out she's pg. I know I'll get there but it still sucks! No one can understand how awful this feels except you guys. I just don't know how to cope with it all anymore. On top of all this there is the regular day to day stresses, my mom is terminally ill and every part of my body hurts daily, I swear part of it is stress in addition to my actual injuries. I just want to crawl up under the covers and wake up in 2011 and hope it's a better year than the last few. I do have a 4 1/2 yr old ds who I adore and a wonderful supportive husband, I thank god for them everyday.
Dr B is sending me to a therapist, he has in the past but is sending me again. He wants me on a low dose of meds to help me get through this. He saud it's perfectly safe early umph and during my cycles. He feels that my emotional state is very important to the cycles. I agree with him. I'm waiting for a call back from the therapist. I just want to feel better and enjoy life again. I drag myself through each day, do what I need to do. Has anyone taken any depression/anxiety meds and had success? Thanks for letting me vent. Who knew a bunch of "strangers" would be one of my biggest support systems!

Re: I'm going to lose it!

I wish you the best! I do understand what you are going through. I had similar episodes when two of my friends told me they were expecting. I cried myself to sleep those days.

Re: I'm going to lose it!

Sorry you are feeling so down. But we can all relate as we have had these moments, so you're not alone.

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We all know how you feel.
My brother and his wife just had their second son and I am still waiting for my first. It is really not fair.

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It's all so not fair! I also feel sometimes like such a failure bc I'm a woman, I was made to make babies and can't even do it right

Re: I'm going to lose it!

Posted by JavaJunkie

It's all so not fair! I also feel sometimes like such a failure bc I'm a woman, I was made to make babies and can't even do it right

Re: I'm going to lose it!

I'm struggling with the idea of meds, it's not something I want to do but dr b seems to think it will help me feel better now and help me be more emotionally stable for my next cycle. I'll talk to the therapist and gauge it then. I see a huge difference in how I handle this now as compared to the beginning and even just a year ago. I'm not myself at all
DH and I both saw a huge difference in me when I finally made it to transfer again after alot of cancelled cycles and then a huge one when the cycle worked. I felt alive again ya know? Then between the miscarriage/d&c and the waiting period now I'm losing it. Thanks for listening!
How are you doing?

Re: I'm going to lose it!

Posted by JavaJunkie

I'm struggling with the idea of meds, it's not something I want to do but dr b seems to think it will help me feel better now and help me be more emotionally stable for my next cycle. I'll talk to the therapist and gauge it then. I see a huge difference in how I handle this now as compared to the beginning and even just a year ago. I'm not myself at all
DH and I both saw a huge difference in me when I finally made it to transfer again after alot of cancelled cycles and then a huge one when the cycle worked. I felt alive again ya know? Then between the miscarriage/d&c and the waiting period now I'm losing it. Thanks for listening!
How are you doing?

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Re: I'm going to lose it!

If you are still feeling like you need to talk to the councilor why not do it?

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I think therapy can be extremely helpful and have been in the past with success. Keep it as an option, if you go and hate it you never have to go back! I also really trust dr b (he's been my dr since im 18) so his opinion means alot to me

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Yes he has been my ob/gyn forever! He followed me through a bad pregnancy with my ds and was right on point with everything! He had me in the hospital fir 10 weeks! He also delivered my ds and was wonderful. It wa a no brainer to go see him when we wanted another child. I wish he still practiced but on the other hand he now has much more time to personally devote to his patients now that he is only doing fertility. There was a nurse practioner in his office who I loved too, she works in another ob office now near my house so I go there now for my regular ob/gyn care. Although when I am pg I will see the drs dr b wants but then I'll go back to her. All the girls from his old office are the girls that he has now minus the practioners who he couldn't take with him, they miss him too :).

Re: I'm going to lose it!

Wow I am SO jealous he delivered your ds!! He must have been so comforting! I wish he made exceptions!

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I hope things start looking up for you. Try to take care of yourself.

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I totally relate to your post in so many ways. My husband has two cousins who got pregnant right away in my opinion just to keep their boyfriends in their lives. One father left soon after the baby was born, the other cheats on her and even though she knows still puts up with it. We have so many friends with more then one child and my husband and I have none. It sucks!!
I was in therapy for a while growing up since I came from a divorce, blended household. I stopped going to therapy a few years ago but have gone back. I was actually going to ask anyone if they could recommend someone in Nassau. The woman I recently started to see and whom Im going to see again tomorrow Im not sure we mesh but Im hoping as I see her more it will change. I think it helps totally with what we are all going through. It is depressing to try so many times and have a negative result. It totally kills you emotionally. physically and mentally. No one can say they understand unless they have been through it.
On a side note do you remember a woman named Bonnie from Dr. B's obgyn practice? Or Denise? I know them both and they love Dr. B.

Re: I'm going to lose it!

Re: I'm going to lose it!

I was feeling so depressed as I came on and read your post. I too am having a hard time and know how you feel. I feel so alone these days as my husband already has a child and I am still trying for one after 2+ years. I feel like everyone around me is enjoying their children except me...it is unfortunate but comforting to know that I can come here and know that others know just how we feel

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I was just recommended to someone in plainview, can you send me yours?

Re: I'm going to lose it!