Do you ever think...

How did I get here?! I was at a red light today after leaving my back dr where I had a mini meltdown when he asked how everything was going, my thoughts wandered and I'm sitting there thinking "how the h e l l did I get here?!". My life is nowhere close to where I imagined it when we started TTC #2 2 1/2yrs ago! I'm so grateful for my DS and DH but wanting something that seems so out of reach is really draining! I wish I would have started a blog or journal when I first began this journal, I never imagined it would take this long and I'd wish that I could have everything documented. Thanks for listening

Re: Do you ever think...

First off, You are NOT alone my dear.

To answer your question: EVERY.DAY.OF.MY.LIFE.

I can't even count how many times in the past few weeks I have mumbled "I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING"

I totally took my fertility for granted, always ASSuming that when i stopped the pill, presto i would be knocked up!! well you know my story, but 3 years later, and MUCH heartache, i got nada!! and I still can't believe this is my life.

Everyone has their journey and struggles, maybe not in IF but their own "cross to bare".

Hang in there, and never give up on hope, its the only thing we DO have control over.

Re: Do you ever think...

I can totally relate!!

I had AF issues as a teenager and was told at 14/15 that I had PCOS. It was not a shock to me when I went off the pill and never got AF .. went straight to an RE .. None of that was out of the realm of possibility, since I was prepared.

However....

Never in a million years did I EVER think I would be more than just an infertility case. The loss was just the biggest shock of it all. I still can't believe it's ME I am talking about when I talk about what happened.

This whole process there are so many hits of reality, one after the next... I just can't wait to be an infertility and pregnancy loss success story I never thought that's what I would pray for

Re: Do you ever think...

Is why it's so nice to have you girls to talk to, no one can e ever imagine how hard infertility is unless they have been there!

Re: Do you ever think...

Posted by maybemommy10

First off, You are NOT alone my dear.

To answer your question: EVERY.DAY.OF.MY.LIFE.

I can't even count how many times in the past few weeks I have mumbled "I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING"

I totally took my fertility for granted,

but 3 years later, and MUCH heartache, i got nada!! and I still can't believe this is my life.

Everyone has their journey and struggles, maybe not in IF but their own "cross to bare".

Hang in there, and never give up on hope, its the only thing we DO have control over.

Re: Do you ever think...

I completely understand.. it's hard because I'm not sharing my journey with many people and I feel like I'm sometimes suffocating with sadness and anxiety.

Re: Do you ever think...

Posted by CraftyGirl

I completely understand.. it's hard because I'm not sharing my journey with many people and I feel like I'm sometimes suffocating with sadness and anxiety.

Re: Do you ever think...

Posted by JavaJunkie

Posted by CraftyGirl

I completely understand.. it's hard because I'm not sharing my journey with many people and I feel like I'm sometimes suffocating with sadness and anxiety.

You have us!

Re: Do you ever think...

Every single day, I think at least once, "I can't believe this is my life." I got PG so fast the first time, on the 3rd month of trying, and then that was over in a week and a half. It took over a year for the second BFP, and that was chemical...when did my life start revolving around getting pregnant?! Years ago, I actually said on a LIW thread that if given the choice between fertility drugs and adoption, I would adopt. The things you say when you are not in the situation....what the hell did I know?! Granted, I still contemplate adoption often, but that's for another thread.

I was thinking today that I feel like my life is just stuck in this awful place of limbo. I should have finished my dissertation years ago, and didn't...I should have had a baby by now, and I don't. When did my life stop moving forward? At some point, the rest of the world left me behind.

"This was NOT supposed to be my life!" I think we all want to scream that every now and then.

I love having all of you ladies to go through this with. It helps so much knowing that we're not alone in this struggle.

Speaking of which, I'm really looking forward to our next GTG...January?

Re: Do you ever think...

I have been thinking the SAME exact thing lately. I just cannot believe this is my life. I am so tired of being "strong" b/c quite honestly I do not feel strong at all. I just feel like a girl that is so desperate to have a baby and be a mommy that she will literally do anything the doctors and professionals tell her to. In the past week I truly experienced the definition of heartache. It is such an unbearable pain that I hope we all never have to feel again b/c I pray each and every day that our dreams do come true!

Re: Do you ever think...

It sounds like you're definitely in need of some

I am only beginning my IF journey now, but I have definitely had those thoughts very recently while we were deciding to take the next step to see a RE after a year of TTC.

To be honest, I spent a lot of that weekend crying ... just trying to come to terms with this new reality.

Growing up I always had this life plan in my head:
Married by 25
First child by 27ish
Second child before 30.

Well ... I didn't get married until after I turned 30 (after dating for SEVEN years!) because DH wasn't ready to get married sooner than that.

I just feel sooooooo far behind where I thought I'd be.

And the worst part of it is that in the darkest parts of my mind, some times I wonder if this TTC thing would have been easier if DH & I got married sooner.

But then I try to tell myself that everything supposedly happens for a reason, and that g-d only gives us as much as we can handle.

Which leads me to want to scream:
"WHAT'S THE ***** REASON FOR THIS?!?!?!?!?