How do you deal when you are overwhelmed?

Re: How do you deal when you are overwhelmed?

I cried....no joke. I'd just sit there and cry. DH would come home at night to me crying in bed and he'd ask what was wrong and I'd say I don't know or I'm so overwhelmed.

I'd nap when she napped. I took whatever help I could get when family was here. Rich would help when he could.

But...I'll give you the advice many moms gave me....let the laundry sit. Let the house get dirty. REST. The mess will be there when you are ready to clean it. Right now, you need to be well rested, balanced, and healthy for Ava's sake.

Re: How do you deal when you are overwhelmed?

Take a deep breath and think...hell, she won't remember any of this anyway

Seriously, it's hard, but take it one minute at a time...and sleep every second you can. I found I was more overwhelmed the less sleep I got...

Re: How do you deal when you are overwhelmed?

Im afraid of whats to come with 2 toddlers bursting at the seams with endless energy, and a newborn in the works

I try to tell myself, its been done before, some have even more than this to deal with... anything to get me back up and running....

and I agree, sometimes a few tears feel good to a new mommy too

Sometimes a cool shower, some lotion, your favorite music, a phone call to a friend (or hubby!), or just sitting/laying down and watching your precious baby sleep, all can be calming

and remind yourself, youre not alone, youre not a bad mommy, its a big adjustment, whether its your first or third, and whether or not you have a zillion yrs experience with babies... its a new phase of your life...

Even though it's a different type of adjustment for me, Im with you on this boat, as many of us are

Re: How do you deal when you are overwhelmed?

and this time around, I hope I treat myself to a cleaning lady twice a month
and dont forget the mani/pedi's as soon as you have the go-ahead to drive and be out and about

Re: How do you deal when you are overwhelmed?

A hot shower, putting Alex in daddy's arms the second he comes home, putting Alex in her crib for 5 minutes (yes, while crying) while I go downstairs and BREATHE (heck, a little crying never hurt a baby and she'll never remember!), letting people help when they offer and with Alex, who was the most collicky baby I know, the only thing that helped with both of us was to get out of the house. Take a stroll, go to the mall, etc...

Re: How do you deal when you are overwhelmed?

I STILL get overwhelmed! He is such a demanding, active kid that it's NON STOP for me. Not to mention that he STILL hasn't gotten the knack of sleeping during the night for more than a 3 hour stretch. It can be hard. GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! That's the best advice I can give you. With or without the baby. I don't leave him w/ anyone but DH and during the day it can get rough. So we go out. To the beach, the park, the mall. Wherever. Change of scenery does wonders...for both of us!

Re: How do you deal when you are overwhelmed?

I agree with the change of scenery. Take a walk to the park, or just a walk, go to the mall, your parents house, a friends house.

Esp. your parents house b/c t hey will be more then happy to help and give you a few minutes of quiet time. Plus having another adult to talk to always helped.

Re: How do you deal when you are overwhelmed?

Ummmm take it out on DH. I still do.

Re: How do you deal when you are overwhelmed?

I mean, I think I am starting to get scared because JT has to go back to work on Friday, and he has been such a monumental help that I feel like I am just going to fall apart when he's not here. He works 12 hour shifts, and I just feel like I won't be able to handle it. I know my mom and my family will be here to help, but I feel like I am cheating by having them come and help. Like I am taking the easy road. I feel like I should be able to do this all by myself, but I just can't. I go back and forth. Yesterday, I felt great. We had a good day, she slept well, we slept well, and then today, there was just so much going on that she's been fussing ALL day. I know I am not the only one, and I know this will pass, but betwee that and the dr. telling me that we can't go in public places for 8 weeks, I just feel like a prisoner. We went out for a walk today, and that helped, but as soon as we got home, I just started to cry. I cry all the freaking time. I know a lot of it is hormones, but man, I just don't feel human right now.
I know I am probably spilling way too much right now, and I know I should just feel lucky to have this beautiful little girl, but I can't help but feel so unqualified to be raising this baby.

Re: How do you deal when you are overwhelmed?

Ok screw that. That's what grandparents are for - especially ones you like. It's not cheating. Haven't you heard that it takes a village to raise a child? There's a reason they coined this phrase. New moms do need help. It's really, REALLY hard in the beginning. Trust me - my youngest is 3 & I'm still not over those first 3 months. DH would come home & say "What did you do today?" and I would think "I did brush my teeth...and fed the baby ALL DAY."

Also for the can't go out in public for 8 weeks - that doesn't mean you can't leave. I went to Babies R Us as soon as I was able to drive. It was the only place really comfortable. "Am I a bad mom because I didn't pack a spare outfit or not enough diapers? Ha, ha, I can buy them right here"..."oh she's screaming like a lunatic, I'm a bad mom because I can't calm her down - ah but look at that toddler throwing themselves on the floor. I must be better than them..."

THere is a great sense of accomplishment once you start to do things yourself - but don't ever think that you're taking the easy road by asking for help. The easy road would be to tell your mom you're running out to the store & head down I-95 until you reach the Keys. The hard road is realizing that it's not easy & that you need help.


oh - and to answer your question, when I'm overwhelmed, I put myself in timeout & breathe for a few minutes. Man, I miss my campus primal scream night.

Message edited 6/21/2006 9:58:50 PM.

Re: How do you deal when you are overwhelmed?

Rach, you aqre not the only one to ever feel overwhelmed weve been through it and its not fun you shouldnt think that your not qualified. use us for advise we wanqt to help. your lucky your husband can spend three days with your child my dh spends 1 hour not even with Olivia and sometimes I think thats by choice. I felt the same way you did. You and I are the type to get up and go with a baby that all changes and now you have to take it easy. I was stuck in the house during the winter and was bored out of my mind. I cried alot which was hormones, being scared and worried aqbout screwing up. there is no manual on how to take care of a child it is all trial and error. there will be days the baby is fussy and other days she will be happy as can be. if you feel overwhelmed you need to take a deep breath and clear your mind. i find putting the baby down and walking away helps sometimes. olivia used to cry alot at the beginning and it was upsetting but in due time you will pick up on the babies cues and be a pro. having help is the best you can get. i rely on my folks alot i look forward to them watching her so i can get out for an hour here and there. you are spending evry waking hour with this baby and need a break. dedicate 1 hour out of the day for yourself you will feel better inthe end. call me if you want to talk you know im always here and if you need to get out and get a break i can do that to.

adding -

your lucky to get help. my mil gave me one day and my mom 3. michael gave me 0 days when the baby was born. yes my mil rather take a 5 day vacation to ohio to visit a cousin instead of helping her only grandchild. take the help you can get and if stuff doesnt get done oh well. t he world will not end if the dishes arent done. enjoy your little girl now becuase they grow up so fast. look at Olivia shes 5 months where did that time go. I have no clue.

Message edited 6/21/2006 10:14:05 PM.

Re: How do you deal when you are overwhelmed?

YOU ARE NOT CHEATING BY ASKING FOR HELP!!! (and yes, I am yelling that!!!) Take ALL the friggen help you can GET!!! And like another poster said, screw the laundry, the dishes, and anything else that's laying around.

Rest as much and as often as possible. You will gain at least SOME sanity by catching some zzz's. Take a shower, it really does help you feel human. When JT is home, leave for an hour, get a manicure, go shopping, do SOMETHING. Yes, you will feel guilty, but being a mom is FULL of guilt. You have to do things for yourself.

When she's due for a nap, order a pizza, light some candles, put on some relaxing music and spend some time with JT. The little things really do mean alot.

But remember, your body is going through major changes, your hormones are completely out of whack, and you will be very emotional. It will pass, until then, get help wherever you can

Re: How do you deal when you are overwhelmed?

I felt the exact same way! I felt so overwhelmed, cried ALL the time (my little brother-in-law who is 16 was traumatized by seeing me - he said...."oh my gosh...did you see her? did you see her eyes they are so red and swollen..is she going to be ok..oh man...she looks bad!" he was so worried he told my father-in-law he was scared for me :( )

It's so much at once and you are TOTALLY NORMAL for feeling overwhelmed. My DD is 8 weeks now and it's amazing but everyone on this board was right.......they all said to give it time...that your hormones will settle down and you will get more familiar with your child....and all will fall into place (not saying it's easy but it's not as overwhelming like it was the first few weeks)

I also felt like I was a loser if I accepted help from my mom, etc. - well let me tell you - take it! it will help you become healthier and stronger which is what your baby needs - you are blessed to have help - and you will be able to do it!

I also found that this website helped a GREAT DEAL!

we are here for you!

Message edited 6/21/2006 10:51:56 PM.

Re: How do you deal when you are overwhelmed?

When I got the point where I was crying all the time, I finally asked DH for help. On Sat mornings, I would leave the house go to starbucks, read the paper and then go grocery shopping. Though not exciting, It's usually the best 2 hours that I have to myself.

Also having my ILs nearby was helpful. They love watching Nate. So whenever I need a break, I'd call and ask if they would watch him for a couple of hours. There were times where I used it to get stuff done around the house or run errands, but 60% of the time I went home to take a nap or veg out in front of the TV.

Re: How do you deal when you are overwhelmed?

Thank you so much everyone. I feel better hearing what everyone has to say. I needed to get all that out because I've been trying to keep my sh-t together, and it's just starting to fall apart even more. Luckily, after I typed my last post, she fell asleep...FINALLY..and JT and I sat down and were able to watch a movie together. We felt a little better after that. Like life still exists besides the baby. It's the little things, I guess.
We also talked about limiting visitors here for a few weeks. We definitely noticed that when there are a lot of people here during the day, she gets over-stimulated and completely fussy. So, we're going to see how it goes taking our days a little slower. Today was a full day. We went to the dr., stopped by my in-laws (who woke her up from her sleep), then when we got home, SIL was here with her two loud kids, then my dad came by, and it was all just too much. I really think she's sensitive to all the commotion. Hell, I didn't want all that going on today, I can't imagine Ava being too fond of it.
Anyway. I just want to say thank you again. You have no idea how nice it is to know I can come here and get support.

Re: How do you deal when you are overwhelmed?

My advice would be to get out and find some babygroups to go to. For me, being so far from my family, they are a lifesaver! I have met around a dozen girls who are now my bestes friends ever...so we text each other, meet up for coffees, seek out more babygroups, go to each others houses etc. If I didn't have my babygroups I would still, almost 6 months on, be on the sofa crying and wandering the streets of Chorlton looking for a friend!!!

Arrange some playdates with the mommies here on LIF, as soon as you are ready...GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! And, the housework isn't going to care if its not done until JT gets home...he can wash the bottles...It is all overwhelming, so also make sure that you accept help when its offered!!

eta...call some churches in your areas, thats where the babygroups are bound to be! We are so desperate to go to babygroups we are now goingto one at the Evangelical Church!!!

Message edited 6/22/2006 5:14:57 AM.

Re: How do you deal when you are overwhelmed?

Rachel, that's a great idea about the baby groups. I didn't even think of that. I will have to look into that!

Re: How do you deal when you are overwhelmed?

rachel my hospital had breastfeeding baby groups for mommies to interact i would check st. catherines

Re: How do you deal when you are overwhelmed?

Posted by Scotty-CassidysMom

YOU ARE NOT CHEATING BY ASKING FOR HELP!!! (and yes, I am yelling that!!!) Take ALL the friggen help you can GET!!! And like another poster said, screw the laundry, the dishes, and anything else that's laying around.

Rest as much and as often as possible. You will gain at least SOME sanity by catching some zzz's. Take a shower, it really does help you feel human. When JT is home, leave for an hour, get a manicure, go shopping, do SOMETHING. Yes, you will feel guilty, but being a mom is FULL of guilt. You have to do things for yourself.

When she's due for a nap, order a pizza, light some candles, put on some relaxing music and spend some time with JT. The little things really do mean alot.

But remember, your body is going through major changes, your hormones are completely out of whack, and you will be very emotional. It will pass, until then, get help wherever you can

Re: How do you deal when you are overwhelmed?

Know that it is ok to put the baby in their crib for 10 minutes even if they are crying their head off. Close the door....go someplace where you can't hear it so loud and take a few minutes to yourself.

Re: How do you deal when you are overwhelmed?

I agree with what everyone has said.

The only thing I can definitely tell you is to take things one day at a time. Sometimes we try to be supermom/wife and we get overloaded and drained. I also strongly advise ALL the mommies that you make time for yourself. Whether it's a walk or having time for a nice long shower, or a manicure or anything.

I truly believe that a happy mommy = happy baby(ies).