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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Is it just my hormones? Please tell me...
Or does anyone else find it insensitive when other people say things like, "I don't want to get pregnant now because I want to "enjoy" my marriage."
That really irks me for some reason. As if I'm not enjoying my marriage because I'm pregnant.  And if you think that marriage becomes unpleasant with pregnancy, then maybe you shouldn't be having kids ever
It's probably just my hormones that is making me so annoyed, but still, so stupid to say.
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Posted 6/5/06 10:40 PM  |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
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Re: Is it just my hormones? Please tell me...
I would never say something like that to a pregnant woman because that's just offensive. I can understand peopel wanting to enjoy their marriage without a baby but maybe they should say. We want to have a couple of years to ourselves or something like that. You can definitely still enjoy your marriage once you have a baby. Its different but totally worth it.
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| Posted 6/5/06 10:53 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Is it just my hormones? Please tell me...
I'm sure they don't mean it in a nasty way, but I just wish people would think first, speak second
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| Posted 6/5/06 10:57 PM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
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Re: Is it just my hormones? Please tell me...
Posted by prncssrachel
I'm sure they don't mean it in a nasty way, but I just wish people would think first, speak second
I agree. People get dumb around pregnant women.
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| Posted 6/5/06 11:07 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: Is it just my hormones? Please tell me...
Nope not your hormones. My guess is they're saying it because they see you pregnant feel the need to justify why they're not. Who would go around saying "I just want to enjoy my marriage"? If you want to enjoy it, just do it - no need to announce it.
Either that or your pregnancy hormones are creating foot in mouth disease for those around you.
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| Posted 6/6/06 12:00 AM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
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Dina
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Re: Is it just my hormones? Please tell me...
Just to play devil's advocate here...
I have to say in defense of "those people". DH and I waited 6 years to try to become preggo and FOR YEARS family and friends would constantly ask "so when are you gonna have a baby???" When strangers would ask if I was married and for how long guess what the next question would be???? YEP! "when are you gonna have a baby?" Even pregnant women would ask me as well.
So, I started to answer them with the old standby "we just want to have time for us before we have children" or "we want to enjoy our time together right now". I don't think these people are being offensive, they are recognizing that they are not ready for a family yet and that is OK. To write that maybe they should never have kids, is a little much IMHO. I always wanted kids, just not when I was 25years old and the first year of my marriage. That was the best decision FOR ME and MY DH. I have never regretted my decision to wait to have kids for a single second. I am happy that I was emotionally, financially and mentally prepared for my DD. That was so important to me because my parents had me at 21 and 20 years old and they ended up arguing around my brother and I our whole lives and after 26 years of marriage got a divorce.
I know that not everyone is like my parents and DH & I are not them; but I wanted to do the complete opposite of what they did and I was criticized for it almost daily after I was married for two years.
Message edited 6/6/2006 9:27:07 AM.
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| Posted 6/6/06 9:26 AM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Is it just my hormones? Please tell me...
Posted by dandr10199
Just to play devil's advocate here...
I have to say in defense of "those people". DH and I waited 6 years to try to become preggo and FOR YEARS family and friends would constantly ask "so when are you gonna have a baby???" When strangers would ask if I was married and for how long guess what the next question would be???? YEP! "when are you gonna have a baby?" Even pregnant women would ask me as well.
So, I started to answer them with the old standby "we just want to have time for us before we have children" or "we want to enjoy our time together right now". I don't think these people are being offensive, they are recognizing that they are not ready for a family yet and that is OK. To write that maybe they should never have kids, is a little much IMHO. I always wanted kids, just not when I was 25years old and the first year of my marriage. That was the best decision FOR ME and MY DH. I have never regretted my decision to wait to have kids for a single second. I am happy that I was emotionally, financially and mentally prepared for my DD. That was so important to me because my parents had me at 21 and 20 years old and they ended up arguing around my brother and I our whole lives and after 26 years of marriage got a divorce.
I know that not everyone is like my parents and DH & I are not them; but I wanted to do the complete opposite of what they did and I was criticized for it almost daily after I was married for two years.
I think you're missing the point of what I'm saying. I totally think you should wait if that is what is right for you and your husband, but what you wrote is not what I was upset about. Saying you want to enjoy your time alone is different to me than saying that you want to enjoy your MARRIAGE. But that's how I am reading it. And I've NEVER asked anyone when they're going to have kids. Honeslty, I don't care if anyone else has them or doesn't. These are people who have offered their opinion to me unsolicited, as if they need to defend why they're not having kids right now. I don't really care why someone else isn't, it's not my business.
I have been married for less than a year, and I'm sorry, but it offends me when I hear ALL THE FREAKING TIME, "Oh, we're waiting, we want to ENJOY our marriage before we have kids!" HELLO! I JUST GOT MARRIED AND I'M HAVING A BABY! I am enjoying my marriage in every way that I can.
I feel like being pregnant has made me and my husband a target for the nastiest things people can think to say to us. And I'm sorry, it gets to me sometimes.
And NO, I don't think that people who say those things SHOULDN'T be having kids, I was venting, and that's the way it came out. I thought that was pretty obvious, but I guess not.
ETA: I'm sorry if I came off harsh, however, like I said, I feel like, why is it ok for people to say whatever they want to ME, but when I have something to say about it, I'm in the wrong? It's not even the worst thing someone has said to me, it just happens to be the last thing someone said to me yesterday that really set me off. So I'm probably more upset over it than I should be, but it's just like, ENOUGH ALREADY! I'm sick of hearing people's unsolicited opinions on me and my husband having a baby and how we've basically ruined our marriage. It hurts to hear that all the time.
Message edited 6/6/2006 9:43:08 AM.
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| Posted 6/6/06 9:39 AM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Is it just my hormones? Please tell me...
Posted by prncssrachel
Posted by dandr10199
Just to play devil's advocate here...
I have to say in defense of "those people". DH and I waited 6 years to try to become preggo and FOR YEARS family and friends would constantly ask "so when are you gonna have a baby???" When strangers would ask if I was married and for how long guess what the next question would be???? YEP! "when are you gonna have a baby?" Even pregnant women would ask me as well.
So, I started to answer them with the old standby "we just want to have time for us before we have children" or "we want to enjoy our time together right now". I don't think these people are being offensive, they are recognizing that they are not ready for a family yet and that is OK. To write that maybe they should never have kids, is a little much IMHO. I always wanted kids, just not when I was 25years old and the first year of my marriage. That was the best decision FOR ME and MY DH. I have never regretted my decision to wait to have kids for a single second. I am happy that I was emotionally, financially and mentally prepared for my DD. That was so important to me because my parents had me at 21 and 20 years old and they ended up arguing around my brother and I our whole lives and after 26 years of marriage got a divorce.
I know that not everyone is like my parents and DH & I are not them; but I wanted to do the complete opposite of what they did and I was criticized for it almost daily after I was married for two years.
I think you're missing the point of what I'm saying. I totally think you should wait if that is what is right for you and your husband, but what you wrote is not what I was upset about. Saying you want to enjoy your time alone is different to me than saying that you want to enjoy your MARRIAGE. But that's how I am reading it. And I've NEVER asked anyone when they're going to have kids. Honeslty, I don't care if anyone else has them or doesn't. These are people who have offered their opinion to me unsolicited, as if they need to defend why they're not having kids right now. I don't really care why someone else isn't, it's not my business.
I have been married for less than a year, and I'm sorry, but it offends me when I hear ALL THE FREAKING TIME, "Oh, we're waiting, we want to ENJOY our marriage before we have kids!" HELLO! I JUST GOT MARRIED AND I'M HAVING A BABY! I am enjoying my marriage in every way that I can.
I feel like being pregnant has made me and my husband a target for the nastiest things people can think to say to us. And I'm sorry, it gets to me sometimes.
And NO, I don't think that people who say those things SHOULDN'T be having kids, I was venting, and that's the way it came out. I thought that was pretty obvious, but I guess not.
\
Rachel,
I guess when you wait to have kids or get pregnant right away people say nasty things regardless. Sorry if I missunderstood what you wrote in your first post.
You are right, there is a difference in saying "We want time alone" as opposed to "we want to enjoy our marriage" implying that you are not enjoying your marriage.
I know how it feels to be a "target" for people who have nothing else better to do than be rude to someone else. 
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| Posted 6/6/06 9:47 AM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Is it just my hormones? Please tell me...
Posted by dandr10199
Rachel,
I guess when you wait to have kids or get pregnant right away people say nasty things regardless. Sorry if I missunderstood what you wrote in your first post.
You are right, there is a difference in saying "We want time alone" as opposed to "we want to enjoy our marriage" implying that you are not enjoying your marriage.
I know how it feels to be a "target" for people who have nothing else better to do than be rude to someone else.
I'm so sorry if I offended you at all! I didn't look at it from the standpoint of those who waited and got harrassed because really it was the stupidity of people's comments that I was upset about. I'm very touchy lately I see what my sister goes through with people constantly bugging her about having a baby, and I do not envy her, either! So I apologize if I sounded harsh. I wrote my original post last night, and it seemed yesterday was a particularly "active" day for people's opinions to rear their ugly heads, so I was more defensive than I normally would be! I'm sorry!
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| Posted 6/6/06 9:51 AM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Is it just my hormones? Please tell me...
Posted by prncssrachel
Posted by dandr10199
Rachel,
I guess when you wait to have kids or get pregnant right away people say nasty things regardless. Sorry if I missunderstood what you wrote in your first post.
You are right, there is a difference in saying "We want time alone" as opposed to "we want to enjoy our marriage" implying that you are not enjoying your marriage.
I know how it feels to be a "target" for people who have nothing else better to do than be rude to someone else.
I'm so sorry if I offended you at all! I didn't look at it from the standpoint of those who waited and got harrassed because really it was the stupidity of people's comments that I was upset about. I'm very touchy lately I see what my sister goes through with people constantly bugging her about having a baby, and I do not envy her, either! So I apologize if I sounded harsh. I wrote my original post last night, and it seemed yesterday was a particularly "active" day for people's opinions to rear their ugly heads, so I was more defensive than I normally would be! I'm sorry!
No worries 
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| Posted 6/6/06 9:52 AM |
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pmpkn087
Life is good...
Member since 9/05 18504 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Is it just my hormones? Please tell me...
This annoys me too. And, I know it is not just my hormones because this annoyed me even before I was pg. Like once you get preggo and have kids, you don't enjoy your marriage anymore.
If you ask me, DH and I are enjoying it now more than ever 
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| Posted 6/6/06 9:59 AM |
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2kids2cats
My babies
Member since 6/05 5229 total posts
Name:
f
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Re: Is it just my hormones? Please tell me...
Posted by pmpkn087
This annoys me too. And, I know it is not just my hormones because this annoyed me even before I was pg. Like once you get preggo and have kids, you don't enjoy your marriage anymore.
If you ask me, DH and I are enjoying it now more than ever
I agree completely and I think the people who say it in that way, and go out of their way to say it, are purely jealous. At least that's what it was in my experience. Don't let them bring you down!
ETA: I don't think this is the case with everyone, but those who go out of their way to make a comment like that without you saying anything...I do feel that way.
Message edited 6/6/2006 10:12:43 AM.
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| Posted 6/6/06 10:00 AM |
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heidla
Me and the guys
Member since 5/05 4024 total posts
Name:
Heidi
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Re: Is it just my hormones? Please tell me...
People just don't think about how they word things sometimes.
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| Posted 6/6/06 12:50 PM |
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Lichi
what what!?
Member since 5/05 4206 total posts
Name:
Lissette
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Re: Is it just my hormones? Please tell me...
Posted by heidla
People just don't think about how they word things sometimes.
Definitely. No matter which side you look at it from, people will ALWAYS have their opinions, comments & judgements. That being said, try to maintain peace of mind, and brush people comments off.
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| Posted 6/6/06 1:08 PM |
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