PCOS girls come in

Hey everyone.. so I have been feeling very down lately.. i blame it on my PCOS and myself... heres my story...


I was diagnosed with PCOS at a very early age. I got it under control with the help of BCP and Metformin. All was going well- got my weight under control, the hair growth stopped and I was beginning to accept my body for what it was (I lost 30lbs and still had about 10-15 more to go).

However, everything has since reversed since -i started IVF and the whole TTC... I cant accept the fact that I have gained half my weight back... I cant accept that fact that most of my summer clothes are very tight on me.. (tried on a few today)... I feel so depressed and soo embarrassed of myself... I see a nutritionist and she knows that I don't eat anything bad... I exercise the weight just wont budge now that I am off my BCP. I am now a size 11/12 when I was a 10. I cry often... and I feel like nobody understands what Im going through... My husband has been my rock since day 1- but you just cant help but feel ugly

I want to have a baby more than anything which is why I am continuing and not giving up since my MC... but im just so down im disgusted to look at myself in the mirror...

Any advice?

Re: PCOS girls come in

I feel so sad reading how you feel!! Whoever said to "enjoy" the TTC process clearly was one of those fertile myrtles who got pregnant on the first try!

Anyway.. I know how hard this must be for you!! When I get bloated from the meds I'm on, it depresses me.. and then of course I always second guess if it's really just bloat

My advice is.. remember why you are doing this! It completely STINKS that you have to go through these changes now and have to deal with this body you aren't happy with.. but when you do get pregnant, your body will go through so many changes yet again!! Remind yourself that this is for the baby and after it comes, you could go back on BCP (if that's what you choose!) and work on getting yourself back to where you once were...

I know my advice doesn't exactly help the situation and I feel so sorry that you are going through this. Try to do things for YOU to make yourself feel good. Do you go for routine manicures/pedicures? Maybe get a different hair style? Do something to treat yourself. You deserve it!!

Re: PCOS girls come in

Im so sorry you are feeling so down. I have PCOS too and I have been feeling pretty down the last couple days since the clomid doesnt seem to be working at all and my RE is taking his sweet A$$ time putting me on injectables.

I find that when I get really down in the dumps it is best to keep myself busy by being with friends and just trying to forget about everything even for a couple hours as hard as that is and I just tell myself that it will happen. I surround myself with positive people also and keep the downers at a distance.

I am not Susie Sunshine by any stretch of the imagination but I have been trying to be a more positive person and just let myself have my down days and vent and yell when I need too.

Re: PCOS girls come in

I don't have PCOS.....but I can understand where you are coming from as far as weight gain and just not feeling yourself. I was on Prednisone for four months......surprisingly only gained 5 lbs.....but my stomach literally looks like it gained about 20...no Joke. I asked my DR if I can get off of it and he OK'd it.

I've been tapering down from 10mg to 5mg and already I notice less pimples on my chest and less puffiness in my face. In the meantime, to counteract the "steroid" look, I started running a little more often and drinking a TON of water w/ Lemon.

About a month ago, I had gone out for a friends birthday and one of my friends mentioned to another friend that "I looked different". That scared me......so I cut out all carbs for the most part......and started to eat mainly protein, veggies and fruits. Its hard but can be done.

Focus on other things. Extra effort in your make up, hair, or get a mani/pedi. You can focus on other things to take away from the "weight gain" that you want to hide temporarily. Even though you are a few pounds heavier, you can still dress in clothes that look "cute" and even "sexy".

We all want a baby soooooo bad and it scares me since I dont technically know what our future brings. I just hope this journey ends soon and brings me to my destination where I intend to go.....

Re: PCOS girls come in

i have PCOS too and i def understand how you feel. i wasnt diagnosed until november of 09, which was six months of TTC and only ovulating once. i wish i knew then that ovulating on my own that one time was a gift because it has never happened again without meds since.

anyway the 10+ years i was on BCP i had no idea i had any problem. when i was a teen (prior to BCP) i had what i thought was a normal cycle. i also had horrendous acne. so i went on BCP and the acne cleared up. i figured i had just "grown out of it." so fast forward to going off BCP - i dont get AF - and a few months later the acne has come back with a vengeance! not only is my face a mess, but my back, my chest, even my neck seems to break out. it's so bad that i dont know how im going to wear a tank top let alone a bathing suit this summer.. im so about it.

besides the acne i also gained 15lbs from the fertility meds. prior to TTC, when i first went off BCP, with diet and exercise i was able to get down to and maintain my wedding weight, which is the lowest i get and was previously never able to maintain. in november i did a failed clomid cycle, in december i did a femara/injectable cycle where i hyperstimmed, then i had to go on BCP for a cycle, and then last cycle i did another femara/injectable cycle which ended in a chemical pregnancy. over the course of that time i gained 15lbs and was bloated about 90% of the time. i was moody and crabby and terrible to DH. and worst of all, i didn't get/stay pregnant.

so i def feel your pain. i started a new job at the beginning of march so im on a break now from the real fertility meds and am on only metformin. honestly - as much as i miss actively trying to ovulate - i havent felt this good and normal in months. i knew i couldnt lose weight, start a new job, and be hopped up on fertility drugs all at the same time. as much as i want a baby - everyone needs a break sometimes.

we are still TTC assuming i actually ovulate at some point. i am planning another medicated cycle in may. PCOS stinks. im still learning how to accept and deal with it. some days are better than others. these boards are the best support i have right now - cause i know people here understand. and thats what gets me through the tougher days.

you feel better soon!!

Re: PCOS girls come in

Athena, I feel you .

Logan is 7.5 mos old and my PCOS symptoms are back with a vengeance. I got 2 "normal" AFs starting 3 mos PP (about 36 days, then 39 days), then it was 96 days before the next. And I'll bleed for almost 2 weeks.

My skin is so unpredictable.
I weigh the same today as I did at my 6wk PP appt. The weight is not going anywhere at all. I didn't want to have to do it, but I went to the ob/gyn this week and refilled an rx for met again. I can't take hormonal BC anymore - it gives me chronic hives. And I hate provera, so if the met is my only chance at being regular. I have sooo many cysts, I wanted to cry looking at the u/s screen. It never fails - I have a rupture every few months, so I'm due soon.

Not only do I feel fat and frumpy (puffy, actually), I feel weird - almost masculine. Like there's no soft feminine features left on my face. Everything is hard.

Re: PCOS girls come in

I have PCOS as well, and I tell my DH all the time its a disease of embarrassment (for me at least). I was diagnosed when I was 15 when I started gained weight uncontrollably and my armpits were soo dark. I was on bcp since than and my weight kept going up. I was a soccer player and I quit the school team because I couldn't run and keep up with everyone. I've had horrible hair growth and after laser hair removal it still comes back. The day of my wedding I cried all morning because I didn't feel like a bride.

When I told my ob DH and I wanted to start trying as soon as we got married she told me just to go straight to the RE. I was so depressed because I didn't feel womanly. I felt like I wasn't a good wife. DH stood by me and promised me we would have a baby one day. After 7 long months at the RE we got our bfp, and pregnancy has been the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me, but I still feel bad about myself. My hair growth is worse than ever, and I don't feel beautiful ever, but none of it matters because I'm so grateful to be given this opportunity to be a mother.

I hope to one day have it under control but I'm not sure if I ever will. There is hope, if I can get pregnant with pcos other women can too.

Message edited 3/25/2010 9:03:16 AM.

Re: PCOS girls come in

Posted by FlowerWife

i have PCOS too and i def understand how you feel. i wasnt diagnosed until november of 09, which was six months of TTC and only ovulating once. i wish i knew then that ovulating on my own that one time was a gift because it has never happened again without meds since.

anyway the 10+ years i was on BCP i had no idea i had any problem. when i was a teen (prior to BCP) i had what i thought was a normal cycle. i also had horrendous acne. so i went on BCP and the acne cleared up. i figured i had just "grown out of it." so fast forward to going off BCP - i dont get AF - and a few months later the acne has come back with a vengeance! not only is my face a mess, but my back, my chest, even my neck seems to break out. it's so bad that i dont know how im going to wear a tank top let alone a bathing suit this summer.. im so about it.

besides the acne i also gained 15lbs from the fertility meds. prior to TTC, when i first went off BCP, with diet and exercise i was able to get down to and maintain my wedding weight, which is the lowest i get and was previously never able to maintain. in november i did a failed clomid cycle, in december i did a femara/injectable cycle where i hyperstimmed, then i had to go on BCP for a cycle, and then last cycle i did another femara/injectable cycle which ended in a chemical pregnancy. over the course of that time i gained 15lbs and was bloated about 90% of the time. i was moody and crabby and terrible to DH. and worst of all, i didn't get/stay pregnant.

so i def feel your pain. i started a new job at the beginning of march so im on a break now from the real fertility meds and am on only metformin. honestly - as much as i miss actively trying to ovulate - i havent felt this good and normal in months. i knew i couldnt lose weight, start a new job, and be hopped up on fertility drugs all at the same time. as much as i want a baby - everyone needs a break sometimes.

we are still TTC assuming i actually ovulate at some point. i am planning another medicated cycle in may. PCOS stinks. im still learning how to accept and deal with it. some days are better than others. these boards are the best support i have right now - cause i know people here understand. and thats what gets me through the tougher days.

you feel better soon!!

Re: PCOS girls come in

Posted by Athee

you and i sound like we have similar stories... down to getting a new job (only i started in sept)




Thank you so much ladies for taking the time and replying to me... I guess taking all those summer clothes out and trying them on since last summer and wel.....l not buttoning has really made me quite embarassed... i went to the nutritionist today- of course there was a weight gain- she and I cannot understand why (from the food that I am eating) but obviously its the PCOS... I cant stand having this but I know Im not the only one... I just wish out of all the symptoms that being fat is not one of them... I cant deal with being fat... for once Id like to accept my body and embrace it- i always see the "bigger" girls who are proud and I think to myself... God I wish I had that courage and confidence to be like them but I dont... I hide behind "fat people clothes"....

Anyway Thanks all soooo much.... I appreciate each and every one of you!!!!

Re: PCOS girls come in

Posted by FlowerWife

Posted by Athee

you and i sound like we have similar stories... down to getting a new job (only i started in sept)




Thank you so much ladies for taking the time and replying to me... I guess taking all those summer clothes out and trying them on since last summer and wel.....l not buttoning has really made me quite embarassed... i went to the nutritionist today- of course there was a weight gain- she and I cannot understand why (from the food that I am eating) but obviously its the PCOS... I cant stand having this but I know Im not the only one... I just wish out of all the symptoms that being fat is not one of them... I cant deal with being fat... for once Id like to accept my body and embrace it- i always see the "bigger" girls who are proud and I think to myself... God I wish I had that courage and confidence to be like them but I dont... I hide behind "fat people clothes"....

Anyway Thanks all soooo much.... I appreciate each and every one of you!!!!

wow i totally TOTALLY understand where you are coming from. for my whole life i have had mega body issues. even now at my heavier weight i think most people would consider me "normal" weight. but to me when i look in the mirror all i see is fat. its only a difference of 15lbs but im only 5ft tall so that 15lbs is actually close to 15% of my preferred body weight. i know exactly what you mean about the fat clothes - i am a healthy weight and size but i CANNOT wear leggings or really skinny jeans cause i just feel like my fat is everywhere!

that plus the acne is making me feel so entirely unpretty. and with not being able to get pregnant and knowing i have male hormone coursing through my body - short of sprouting a new sex organ - i can't imagine possibly feeling any more unfeminine.

honestly if it wasnt for DH constantly reminding me that im not a horrible beast i would probably never leave the house. i used to be so confident about my body and now i feel like i can't control anything about it (as if i was able to before). i started metformin 3 weeks ago so im hoping it helps with either Oing or eating less. so far the only noticeable affect it has had is that i dont crave anything anymore. no cravings for sweet or salty or anything. its actually kinda nice!!

anyway i didnt want to be a debbie downer but PCOS can be so cruel and furstrating - as if its not bad enough that we cant get pregnant like a normal person - but we also have to have outward physical side effects!! so mean!! but in the end it IS treatable!! and that's what really is MOST important and what keeps me going when the symptoms are bringing me down!


FM me any time if you want to chat!! i also use the message board at soulcysters. it's a LARGE community of ladies with PCOS - all sharing their experiences and protocols and venting away. it's the one place where everyone - thousands of ladies - really do know exactly what you are going through.