Are you assertive when you go to the doctor?

I feel like lately when I go to the doctor, I am not getting answers to my questions or I feel like I am being brushed off. I am SO not assertive, either. I asked her last time if she could feel the position of the baby, and all she said was, "No." No explanation, nothing. Then, I told my nurse at school that (she was a L&D nurse for 25 years), and she said that's an absolute lie, of course she can tell from feeling. Then she had me lay down and she felt the baby for me and told me where she was. And that was my SCHOOL NURSE! And thinking back on it, there were quite a few instances where I have felt like I was looked at like an idiot at the doctor. I remember around 20 weeks asking a few questions, and rather than answering them, she said, "Why don't you go buy that book What to Expect When Expecting? That will answer those questions."
I've never been pregnant before and to be quite honest, I don't know what to expect. I don't like going to the doctor as it is, so it makes me really nervous when I go in, ask a question and get the brush off. I feel like I cannot stick up for myself. I would love to bring JT and have him help back me up, but he's even LESS assertive when I am. I just feel like everytime I tell her something, or any other doctor in the practice, they just brush it off with a "That's normal," and end the conversation there. I'm starting to have anxiety about going to the doctor tomorrow because I have so many questions about what happened at the hospital last week and how I've been feeling lately, but I just feel like I am completely stupid for asking them, and then chicken out or allow them to brush me off.

Re: Are you assertive when you go to the doctor?

that sux Rachel! you should definitely get answers to your questions and you should feel comfortable with your doctor.

If you weren't so far along already, I'd suggest you get a more supportive doctor. Is there another in the office that you can see?

My doctor (midwife actually) PROMPTS me for questions, and always answers any I may have. And she always tells me what position the baby is and how big it is just by feeling around.

Maybe make a list of questions and go through it with her until you are satisfied with the answers. Good luck!

Re: Are you assertive when you go to the doctor?

A DR. is there not only to moniter your babies progress, but also to help you navigate the way. I think you need to be more assertive. Actually, I think that your Dr. should answer your questions without you having to resort to that, but it sounds like she is just not great with the bedside manner. Good Luck and don't be afraid to insist on an answer!!!

Re: Are you assertive when you go to the doctor?

I think if you are uncomfortable with the answers your doctor is giving you it is never too late to find a new doctor. YOU are the patient, and YOU are paying her to take care of you. If you aren't getting your little questions answered, then what will happen with the big stuff???

Re: Are you assertive when you go to the doctor?

i could have written this post ...

i am not thrilled with my current OB practice. with the exception of one RN all the dr.'s operate in the same fashion. come in, measure tummy, check heartbeat, race out the door. i am literally asking my questions upon their exit.

never do i get "any questions?" (except for the RN, that is the first thing she would ask me when i had appointments with her early on), never do i get any explanations, i have started to make my own appointments because they don't even tell me when the next time i should see them!

i thought things were changing for the better when DH came with me one day after i was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. we actually got 10 minutes of her time as opposed to 3. but the following week and all appointments since then have been back to "in and out".

i write all my questions down. when i feel they are important enough i start the conversation with "i have some concerns". now that i am 36 weeks i will NOT stand for 3 minutes.

unfortunately switching is not an option for me at this point. even though i despise the bedside manner (or rather lack thereof), i feel they are competent enough to get me where i need to be, plus i believe an established history is important. the previous practice i went to i felt was negligent and would have never stayed with them had my previous pregnancy not ended in m/c.

i am not happy and have not had good experiences with the healthcare industry in the last few years. i don't know if it's just bad luck, or the way things are these days...

Re: Are you assertive when you go to the doctor?

A doctor shouldn't treat you like that.

I'm in the med field so I have felt like ppl thought I was over paranoid. I demanded going into L&D when I had my m/c. I'm a pain but I apologize profusely b/c I'm not usually that assertive when it comes to me.

Just a piece of advice from the other side - bring a list of the top 1 or 2 questions you want answered and make sure you don't leave until you're satisfied. Be a b**ch if you need to be! It's your baby.

Good luck tomorrow!

Re: Are you assertive when you go to the doctor?

Thanks girls. I think I am going to make a list of my questions and concerns and bring it with me incase I chicken out, I can have it in my hand. I'll let you know what happens tomorrow.

Re: Are you assertive when you go to the doctor?

how'd it go?

Re: Are you assertive when you go to the doctor?

See....I'm having the opposite problem. My doctor is very nice...and so far at each visit, he always asks if I have any questions...if I say no, he says are you sure? Then...I feel like I'm missing something, like I should know what the questions are. So I tell him...tell me what you think I should know at this point Am I supposed to tell him I ask my questions on a chat board and I'm satisfied with the answers the girls give me

Re: Are you assertive when you go to the doctor?

I know it's too late for this visit, but one thing you may to do for your next visit is tell the receptionist that you have several questions & to allot you enough time to get an answer for them.

I went in with an index card and felt a bit foolish pulling it out to go through my questions. One good question to ask is what the office policy is regarding inductions, broken water, etc. Some obs won't let you go over 3 days for an induction, some make you wait 10 days. For broken water, some doctors have a 24 hours to deliver guideline, others (more holistic) say you can wait for weeks.

Pregnancy is a tough and scary time for any women. I know a lot of the answers that I had to my questions were "that's normal." because most of the aches & pains are normal. What happened to you the other day was not the norm and it was scary. I hope you got the answers that you needed.

Re: Are you assertive when you go to the doctor?

I am very very very assertive with most everyone...MDs, Contractors, salespeople....
You can be assertive wiithout being rude; I'm very nice, but I make sure I don't leave without getting my answers.

I hope things change with your MDs practice. You can always say something like, "I don't understand, can you please explain it to me?" ... or, "I thought you could, or I thought such and such.....so you mean what I thought is incorrect?"

Good luck

Message edited 5/11/2006 1:43:37 PM.

Re: Are you assertive when you go to the doctor?

I am so sorry that you are feel that way. I was very lucky that I found a doctor that I was comfortable with. She actually alots so much time to questions and never makes you feel rushed that there is a back up in the waiting room! I would rather wait and have my questions answered. Also I research everything so I was probably a big pain questioning everything and being overly assertive!