Am I being crazy

or do you think I should start thinking about donor eggs???
Am I jumping the gun??
I obviously will talk to my Dr. about it, but I feel like he'll want me to do another cycle--

I just don't know how many more times can go through this heartache???
I feel like I am at the point where I could adopt, but DH is not there yet.

I just can't grasp that in the past year I have had 4 miscarriages and 2 IVF cycles where no embryos made it.

I feel like there has to be something wrong with my eggs (besides the translocation) but testing has shown nothing. I don't get it.

I just want a baby and at this point I am willing to do anything - I am so frustrated and tired of all this.

sorry about the vent- just wondering what you would do if you were in my situation.

Re: Am I being crazy

Nope, not crazy at all. Totally legitimate question to be asking at this point in time. Get ALL of your options out there to make the best decision possible!!

Re: Am I being crazy

Re: Am I being crazy

You have to be totally ready to go there. So, don't make the decision so fast without talking to your RE first. You don't want any regrets and no "what if's". And get a 2nd opinion before you do that. Each RE brings something else to the table. I know its heart aching to have failures (6 IUI's and 4 IVF's all BFN). It also may be good to have a DE consult with DH. Is he on board for something like that?

Re: Am I being crazy

you're not crazy AT ALL

I agree wtih the PP - make sure you have all information first before you make the decision.

I definitely think, if you can, you should try PGD - have they identified a specific problem with any of your embies? Also, they could do micro array testing on all chomosomes on all embies and choose the best ones to implant. If it is an issue with the eggs themselves, PGD might help to choose the best ones.

One quick story about donor eggs: A VERY close friend of the family is 48 years old and after many failed IUIs and IVFs, decided to use a donor egg. She got pregnant on the first try and she has the most beautiful amazing daughter right now.

you definitely have options and i would definitely think through all of them before moving on to donor eggs. The donor egg option will always be there, when and if you decide you want to go that route

I am really praying so hard for you - i want this to work for you so badly

Re: Am I being crazy

I don't think you're crazy at all Lori. I think you're being really proactive and it's great that you are at the point emotionally where you want to consider that. Like PPs said, make sure that you are 100% ready to do that... make sure you really think about all that it entails, and then definitely ask lots of questions and get as much information as you can!

You know you have all of our support no matter what your decision!

Re: Am I being crazy

You are not crazy at all. A good friend of mine is going through something very simlar....4 failed IVF cycles and a miscarriage. Dr. B told her that her egg reserve is not good, so she has to start thinking about donor eggs. It has been awful watching her go through all of the emotions that come with that decision.

I agree with the pp that you should consult your RE. But, I think it is important for you to start thinking about what your next step might be and explore all of the possibilities.

I am so sorry that you are at this point, but I am praying that you are able to make a decision that brings you peace.
We are all here for you to vent to!!!!

Re: Am I being crazy

thank you guys!

And yes, I absolutely agree with both of you(well, all of you since I just read the other responses:) - I want to get all the info that I can on every option I have right now.

here is my thinking right now though...
I can do another cycle and either not do PGD - maybe the same thing would happen where no embies make it.

or I could do PGD with the possibility of not having any normal embryos, but with that being said there is also the possibility of having normal ones too.

or I could do DE (yes, DH is on board with that) knowing that none of my chromosomal issues would be there

right now I am also thinking of this from a financial stand point since insurance has "magically disappeared"
I don't know what would give me the "best chance" KWIM?

Message edited 1/22/2010 1:15:03 PM.

Re: Am I being crazy

well what does "best chance" mean to you - kwim?

if you want to give it another try with our own eggs first, then i would do that so you don't have any regrets. but i would also do PGD. in my mind, having no embryos is better than having another m/c... but that is just how *I* feel about it. you might feel a different way after everything you have been through.

if you're ready to move on and use the donor eggs, then just do a lot of research, do searches on here, try that other forum i wrote to you about, speak to your RE and other REs if you want... and since your DH is already on board, that is really great because you know you'll have that support system in place for whatever you choose...

Re: Am I being crazy

Lori, I think that u r definitely not crazy. U've been through so much, I think it is perfectly natural to think about/ explore other options. I know u luv Dr. B, but have you been anywhere else for a 2nd opinion? Regardless, it can't hurt to go for a DE consult----especially since your DH is on board.

Re: Am I being crazy

Message edited 1/22/2010 1:38:51 PM.

Re: Am I being crazy

I definitely don't think you are being crazy at all.

All of this stuff is very eye opening. And want to talk about jumping the gun? I asked my DH last night how he felt about adoption. We are no where near that point but to me, I just needed to know where he stood just in case.

Like everyone else said, dont rush into any decision yet. I just think you are totally justified in thinking ahead. We have to. Its almost like a defense mechanism just knowing there is ALWAYS an option.

Re: Am I being crazy

You are not crazy This is something that has been mentioned to me a few times already and we are seriously considering. We have a consult with another new RE (Copperman at RMA) as well as my current RE next week to talk about next steps.

For me, I want to try to see what my eggs are like as we haven't even got to that stage yet, but we are willing to go to DE if that's what it takes.

I think we need to make that decision ASAP because from what I have read some programs take a good few months before they can find a match for the donor. DH feels that the baby won't be part of "me" but I feel that if it means I can carry and give birth to a baby then it's the same thing.

I'm praying for you

Re: Am I being crazy

No, your not being crazy. I always think about the what if's, and can I take this anymore's. It's totally natural.

What does your Dr want to do?

Re: Am I being crazy

Crazy? How can IF make you anything but crazy? Of course you are NOT crazy.
As the mother of a bio and an adopted child I have to tell you that my DNA does not really matter. My son (adopted) reminds me so much of my husband and my daughter at times it is nuts. He has so many of the same traits as both of them. He is like me in so many ways. He is just as much as part of me as my daughter. DNA is 3 letters- not a life time of love.

My good friend is doing her DE transplant this week.

Message edited 1/22/2010 4:00:14 PM.

Re: Am I being crazy

If you are crazy, then so are the rest of us!!! I agree that you an DH both need to be on board with whatever you decide.

You both have your gut instincts about what feels right, in addition to the info that Drs give you. I hope that when you put it all together you come one HUGE step closer to bringing your little munchkin home.

Re: Am I being crazy

Re: Am I being crazy

Posted by ricaim

Posted by michele31

DNA is 3 letters- not a life time of love.

That really touched me

Re: Am I being crazy

Definitely NOT crazy. It is important to consider all your options before making any decision. I don't have the answer for you but I pray that you will be lead to it.

Re: Am I being crazy

I am in the exact shoes you ae in. I have had 3 failed IVF cycles and a miscarriage.When do you say enough is enough? My husband says we cannot go broke through this journey but then I tell him then what are we working so hard for if we have no one to spend our savings on? If you are thinking about it financially maybe you can buy that 2 for 2 package that I read Dr. B has?Or do you have the option to change insuarance plans through your job? Dr. B will not give up on you. He will be honest with you.

Re: Am I being crazy

Posted by lolipep

thank you guys!

And yes, I absolutely agree with both of you(well, all of you since I just read the other responses:) - I want to get all the info that I can on every option I have right now.

here is my thinking right now though...
I can do another cycle and either not do PGD - maybe the same thing would happen where no embies make it.

or I could do PGD with the possibility of not having any normal embryos, but with that being said there is also the possibility of having normal ones too.

or I could do DE (yes, DH is on board with that) knowing that none of my chromosomal issues would be there

right now I am also thinking of this from a financial stand point since insurance has "magically disappeared"
I don't know what would give me the "best chance" KWIM?

Re: Am I being crazy

I absolutly know where you are coming from. I am also out of options if this 2ww doesnt deliver... I will be doing donor egg in the summer, I can totally see how you cant face another IVF. At first DH was not on board but then he came round.

Dr. B convinced me (cant he be soo convincing??) to do one more cycle. But I"m not getting railroaded into another emotional iVF cycle again. Unless it's DE. At least it would be guaranteed if you did donor egg...well, 80% and maybe twins...just how to pay for it...is the problem...
Best wishes and hope all will go well...