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I need advice from you CF ladies...
Sorry I am crashing from the Preg & parenting board. But I need advice. My DH's cousin just came out that she & her husband don't want children. Everyone in the family is appalled except DH & I. I want to call and offer her support but we are having dinner tomorrow night. I want to get her a gift. What should it be? Thanks Ladies for the advice.
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Posted 1/12/10 9:12 AM  |
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Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
Name:
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Re: I need advice from you CF ladies...
Something fragile?  No, just kidding. I am sorry your cousin is getting such a hard time. That's just terrible.
I don't think a gift is really necessary but a sincere...we respect your decision and we are here for you to talk to if you need will mean a lot. But if you want to get them a gift -- is there something they enjoy doing together? Something travel related? A couple's massage? a coffee table book? martini mixes? (I have them on the brain this week...LOL).
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| Posted 1/12/10 9:21 AM |
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Blazesyth
*yawn*
Member since 5/05 8129 total posts
Name:
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Re: I need advice from you CF ladies...
IMO, I wouldnt want anything done for me out of the ordinary. It's bad enough that we're already 'out of the ordinary' for these feelings so exaggerating it by making special phone calls and giving gifts is over the top.
If you want to say something, the next time you see/talk to them regularly just say that you are happy that they are making the best choice for them and that you support them no matter what their decision is.
Personally, I would prefer no conversation at all - I'm sure they're sick of talking about it either positively or negatively. If there is someone that doesnt talk to me about it, (ie. hound me) I consider them a supporter of my lifestyle or someone who doesnt care either way.
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| Posted 1/12/10 9:21 AM |
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Nifheim
allo
Member since 1/09 5476 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: I need advice from you CF ladies...
if they bring it up about how the family keeps nagging them say your there for them to vent anytime.
as far as a gift i wouldn't make a bit deal out of it dinner is nice
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| Posted 1/12/10 9:24 AM |
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Re: I need advice from you CF ladies...
Okay thanks ladies. I just spoke to her and she was in tears over the families reaction. I told her that we completly support whatever decision they make. She said she was thankful for that. I told her I wanted to get her a gift and she said "Why?" and I said "Why not? People get gifts for when they announce they are having a child. Why not when you announce that you have decided not too." She laughed. So my gift is she and I are going for a pedicure, manicure, and massage at a salon. I appreciate all the in put ladies. Your all the best.
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| Posted 1/12/10 10:55 AM |
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Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
Name:
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Re: I need advice from you CF ladies...
That is so sweet!! I am so sad her family is giving her such a hard time. What if god forbid it wasn't a choice to not have children? 
I am glad you two will get some fun girly time together!! 
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| Posted 1/12/10 10:58 AM |
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Nifheim
allo
Member since 1/09 5476 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: I need advice from you CF ladies...
as i said before your very thoughtful!
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| Posted 1/12/10 10:58 AM |
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Lisa
I'm a PANK!!!
Member since 5/05 22334 total posts
Name:
Professional Aunts No Kids
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Re: I need advice from you CF ladies...
Posted by teddysmama1021
Okay thanks ladies. I just spoke to her and she was in tears over the families reaction. I told her that we completly support whatever decision they make. She said she was thankful for that. I told her I wanted to get her a gift and she said "Why?" and I said "Why not? People get gifts for when they announce they are having a child. Why not when you announce that you have decided not too." She laughed. So my gift is she and I are going for a pedicure, manicure, and massage at a salon. I appreciate all the in put ladies. Your all the best.
sounds like you have a great relationship with your SIL. she is lucky to have someone like you.
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| Posted 1/12/10 11:02 AM |
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anonttcer
BOOOO for fall!
Member since 7/06 10082 total posts
Name:
Meaning a NON ttcer!
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Re: I need advice from you CF ladies...
Posted by teddysmama1021
Okay thanks ladies. I just spoke to her and she was in tears over the families reaction. I told her that we completly support whatever decision they make. She said she was thankful for that. I told her I wanted to get her a gift and she said "Why?" and I said "Why not? People get gifts for when they announce they are having a child. Why not when you announce that you have decided not too." She laughed. So my gift is she and I are going for a pedicure, manicure, and massage at a salon. I appreciate all the in put ladies. Your all the best.
That's really sweet of you. You are very understanding and supportive.
I really don't get people's reactions.
How is it any of their business?
I would NEVER EVER get involved in someone's decision to have children or not have children.
It's really disgraceful the way people feel it's their business.
Terrible!
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| Posted 1/12/10 11:03 AM |
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Re: I need advice from you CF ladies...
Posted by teddysmama1021
Okay thanks ladies. I just spoke to her and she was in tears over the families reaction. I told her that we completly support whatever decision they make. She said she was thankful for that. I told her I wanted to get her a gift and she said "Why?" and I said "Why not? People get gifts for when they announce they are having a child. Why not when you announce that you have decided not too." She laughed. So my gift is she and I are going for a pedicure, manicure, and massage at a salon. I appreciate all the in put ladies. Your all the best.
Well, since you put it that way, now I get it! I wasn't getting the gift idea but I see where you are going.
It's such a shame that their decision is being scrutinized by family. They really just need to be respected and supported. Glad you can do that for them.
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| Posted 1/12/10 11:08 AM |
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Re: I need advice from you CF ladies...
Posted by anonttcer
Posted by teddysmama1021
Okay thanks ladies. I just spoke to her and she was in tears over the families reaction. I told her that we completly support whatever decision they make. She said she was thankful for that. I told her I wanted to get her a gift and she said "Why?" and I said "Why not? People get gifts for when they announce they are having a child. Why not when you announce that you have decided not too." She laughed. So my gift is she and I are going for a pedicure, manicure, and massage at a salon. I appreciate all the in put ladies. Your all the best.
That's really sweet of you. You are very understanding and supportive.
I really don't get people's reactions.
How is it any of their business?
I would NEVER EVER get involved in someone's decision to have children or not have children.
It's really disgraceful the way people feel it's their business.
Terrible!
They announced that her husband had a Vasectomy over christmas. Her mother started crying and screaming. Her father rolled his eyes and called them stupid. This has continued with everyone throughout the family. When I called to invite them to dinner she said "I guess you haven't heard!" I said I had and we supported them because end of day it's their lives. When we were trying to make that decision they were supportive either way. Then DS happened. I swear you could hear the sigh of relief in our family. I just want them to be happy. When I spoke to her mother I said the same thing that her main concern should be her childs happiness not her own and she rolled her eyes and said "One day you'll understand" I HOPE I NEVER UNDERSTAND THAT WAY OF THINKING
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| Posted 1/12/10 11:13 AM |
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MrsM-6-7-08
<3
Member since 8/06 4249 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: I need advice from you CF ladies...
Posted by teddysmama1021
Okay thanks ladies. I just spoke to her and she was in tears over the families reaction. I told her that we completly support whatever decision they make. She said she was thankful for that. I told her I wanted to get her a gift and she said "Why?" and I said "Why not? People get gifts for when they announce they are having a child. Why not when you announce that you have decided not too." She laughed. So my gift is she and I are going for a pedicure, manicure, and massage at a salon. I appreciate all the in put ladies. Your all the best.
That is so sweet and it sounds perfect!
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| Posted 1/12/10 1:34 PM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
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Re: I need advice from you CF ladies...
Posted by teddysmama1021
Okay thanks ladies. I just spoke to her and she was in tears over the families reaction. I told her that we completly support whatever decision they make. She said she was thankful for that. I told her I wanted to get her a gift and she said "Why?" and I said "Why not? People get gifts for when they announce they are having a child. Why not when you announce that you have decided not too." She laughed. So my gift is she and I are going for a pedicure, manicure, and massage at a salon. I appreciate all the in put ladies. Your all the best.
This is so thoughtful and wonderful
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| Posted 1/12/10 1:52 PM |
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SuchIsLife
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/05 689 total posts
Name:
no
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Re: I need advice from you CF ladies...
Posted by teddysmama1021
Okay thanks ladies. I just spoke to her and she was in tears over the families reaction. I told her that we completly support whatever decision they make. She said she was thankful for that. I told her I wanted to get her a gift and she said "Why?" and I said "Why not? People get gifts for when they announce they are having a child. Why not when you announce that you have decided not too." She laughed. So my gift is she and I are going for a pedicure, manicure, and massage at a salon. I appreciate all the in put ladies. Your all the best.
Wow, that is really sweet and supportive!
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| Posted 1/12/10 3:00 PM |
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anonttcer
BOOOO for fall!
Member since 7/06 10082 total posts
Name:
Meaning a NON ttcer!
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Re: I need advice from you CF ladies...
Posted by teddysmama1021
Posted by anonttcer
Posted by teddysmama1021
Okay thanks ladies. I just spoke to her and she was in tears over the families reaction. I told her that we completly support whatever decision they make. She said she was thankful for that. I told her I wanted to get her a gift and she said "Why?" and I said "Why not? People get gifts for when they announce they are having a child. Why not when you announce that you have decided not too." She laughed. So my gift is she and I are going for a pedicure, manicure, and massage at a salon. I appreciate all the in put ladies. Your all the best.
That's really sweet of you. You are very understanding and supportive.
I really don't get people's reactions.
How is it any of their business?
I would NEVER EVER get involved in someone's decision to have children or not have children.
It's really disgraceful the way people feel it's their business.
Terrible!
They announced that her husband had a Vasectomy over christmas. Her mother started crying and screaming. Her father rolled his eyes and called them stupid. This has continued with everyone throughout the family. When I called to invite them to dinner she said "I guess you haven't heard!" I said I had and we supported them because end of day it's their lives. When we were trying to make that decision they were supportive either way. Then DS happened. I swear you could hear the sigh of relief in our family. I just want them to be happy. When I spoke to her mother I said the same thing that her main concern should be her childs happiness not her own and she rolled her eyes and said "One day you'll understand" I HOPE I NEVER UNDERSTAND THAT WAY OF THINKING
You know I seriously think that some mom's belive that the sole reason their children exist is to give them grandchildren!
I am so glad my parents are not like this- but I've heard that comment from other (mainly older/old school) family members.
"When are you going to give your parents grandchildren?"
Umm, I wasn't put on this earth to produce GRANDCHILDREN thank you very much.
So ridiculous! 
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| Posted 1/12/10 3:56 PM |
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ThePinkGoose
In Your Hands
Member since 8/08 4706 total posts
Name:
Nunya
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Re: I need advice from you CF ladies...
^^^^ I agree with that!!!! What a narrow-minded way of thinking. What gives people the right to dictate how others should live their lives? They must be so upset and frustrated. Way to go in supporting your family!!!
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| Posted 1/14/10 8:53 AM |
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Jackie24
~We Did it~
Member since 7/06 6718 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: I need advice from you CF ladies...
What is wrong with her family!!!!!!!
How about taking her out to lunch?
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| Posted 1/14/10 7:03 PM |
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kimbalina
Bring on the glitter and bows!
Member since 6/08 15158 total posts
Name:
Kim
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Re: I need advice from you CF ladies...
It's great that you and your DH are being supportive of them. They are going to have a lot of grief that isn't warrented for a while, and it will be nice for them to know that they have someone who DOES understand.
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| Posted 1/19/10 10:02 AM |
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Mrs213
????????
Member since 2/09 18986 total posts
Name:
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Re: I need advice from you CF ladies...
Posted by teddysmama1021
Okay thanks ladies. I just spoke to her and she was in tears over the families reaction. I told her that we completly support whatever decision they make. She said she was thankful for that. I told her I wanted to get her a gift and she said "Why?" and I said "Why not? People get gifts for when they announce they are having a child. Why not when you announce that you have decided not too." She laughed. So my gift is she and I are going for a pedicure, manicure, and massage at a salon. I appreciate all the in put ladies. Your all the best.
I think thats so nice of you - perfect
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| Posted 1/20/10 9:27 PM |
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