Mind a vent? I'll be brief.

We used to have our nephew over for weekends a lot. We would go to the city with him, do all sorts of fun things. Life has been changing for him, he's getting older, and we don't do it as often.

Over the summer, he agreed to spend the weekend and I asked him to call me to tell me what time he wants me to pick him up. He's 16.

Friday night, I haven't heard from him so I call his cell and he's obviously busy with something and says he can't make it because he has to work Sat night but he'll call me back. Never calls back.

I give him grief about it the next time I see him, and say - if you're going to commit to coming and work calls you, are you going to cancel on us and not tell me again? He says no.

He emails me this week, suggests getting together this weekend, I ask outright if he's working and he says no. Since it's an hour to pick him up and bring him back round trip, I make sure we have all Saturday and Sunday for him. I shuffle other plans with friends, Christmas decorating and shopping, and tell him we're all good but to ask Mom. I chat with my sister today, she says they don't have plans for him, and she'll have him call me.

Then I get an email from him... guess what? He's working Saturday night. At least this time I found out on Wednesday instead of the day before! I suppose I should be thankful.

It's silly for me to want to count on the word of a 16 year old who is out in the working world, right? I guess I miss the old days when he was held captive by our whims and we didn't have to check with his schedule.

Ok vent over!!

Re: Mind a vent? I'll be brief.

That stinks! I'd be peeved too.

But I wonder if he has the kind of job that can call you for a shift at a moments notice? My brother works in a clothing store, and his schedule can get hairy, especially around the holidays.

Re: Mind a vent? I'll be brief.

I dont blame you but at least your nephew is working and has a scheduling conflict. My 6.5 y/o niece has done this to me a few times!! I make plans for her to come and have a sleep over only to find out that she has a birthday party on Sat morning! who would have thunk it that a 6 y/o has a scheduling conflict???

Re: Mind a vent? I'll be brief.

Rebecca, he does have that kind of job - he works in the kitchen of a restaurant. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that his job takes precedence over us at that age.

Posted by Lisa

who would have thunk it that a 6 y/o has a scheduling conflict???

Re: Mind a vent? I'll be brief.

While I think it's great that he works and takes it very seriously, I do think he could be more considerate about making plans with you and maybe taking off a shift or two if need be.

I miss the time I used to spend with my older niece and nephew and liked it much better when they were little, not in school and I could have them anytime I wanted. It gets so much harder to do things with them as they get older.

Re: Mind a vent? I'll be brief.

That does stink, I'm sure you were excited to see him, but at least he seems to be responsible about work. I think the best you can hope for is to use these opportunities to to teach manners about canncelling plans, which it seems like you already are.

Re: Mind a vent? I'll be brief.

That stinks about his work schedule -- and its hard when they are no longer kids and are starting to grow up and coming to see you isn't AS important to them as it used to be. I'm sure he welcomes work so that he can earn $$$ to go out and spend with his friends.

My oldest niece is 17 - and lives in Virginia....but she'll be spending 2 wks here for the holidays....and sometimes I wish she was still a little girl! I mean its great that she's older now and we can do fun stuff and are very close, but it does make me realize she's turning into a woman now. :(

I'd let it be your nephew's court from now on--since his schedule and just being a teenager in general, will probably keep him quite busy. Let him know that when HE wants to come by and spend the weekend, he let YOU know and you see how your schedule is, from now on.

Re: Mind a vent? I'll be brief.

I was always close to my uncle and aunt and my other aunt.

I clearly remeber being about 16, 17 and work and soicla life coming in between us getting together.

I did not realize it then, but as I got older I realzied how much this must have hurt them.

As I got older I tried to make more time for them, as they were always so good to me and I loved spending time with them.

The problem with teenagers, work situation aside, is that TYPICALLY they are all about ME. I don't mean to speak negatlvely about your nephew, but I work with teenagers, and it is typical.

This too shall pass as they say, but it is something that happens around this age

Message edited 12/10/2009 9:51:37 AM.

Re: Mind a vent? I'll be brief.

Re: Mind a vent? I'll be brief.

How about trying to hang out for a few hours -- dinner and a movie or lunch or something like that. Teenagers can be flakey -- I'm sure he WANTS to hang out with you, but he may not be able to dedicate an entire weekend. I know he's an hour or so away, but what about planning a half day thing somewhere out near where he lives? You guys get to spend quality time together, but he doesn't have to worry about setting aside an entire weekend?

Re: Mind a vent? I'll be brief.

Posted by greenfreak

Posted by MrsPJB2007

I'd let it be your nephew's court from now on--since his schedule and just being a teenager in general, will probably keep him quite busy. Let him know that when HE wants to come by and spend the weekend, he let YOU know and you see how your schedule is, from now on.

What's funny is, it was his idea! He emailed me out of the blue and said hey, can we find a time to hang out! I was like wow, this is great. I guess that's probably why it sucks more because I got my hopes up again.

Funny, how children can have such an affect on our emotions and they don't even know it.