Who do you think IVF should be for?

It's just easier sometimes....

I apologize for posting my DH's opinion. Which, like I said, I wrote it incorrectly. It's worded wrong and I can see how it can be read the wrong way, but at the same time I didn't think that this website was just for the women?

Anyway.... topic over!

Message edited 10/29/2009 10:22:03 PM.

Re: Who do you think IVF should be for?

I feel like IVF is there for anyone that cannot conceive on their own, whether you have no children to start or 10! My DH and I want 3 kids, and the only way that's possible for us is through IVF. With your DH's logic, would that mean we should only have 1 child? I think you're definitely the one who's right here.

Re: Who do you think IVF should be for?

*I* personally think that IVF is for anyone. I don't think that just b/c you have 2 kids doesn't mean you should/shouldn't do it if that's what it takes to have a 3rd (they are adorable in you're avatar BTW)

I haven't had to go through IVF yet, but I probably will. I actually made a consult appt right before reading this. I have a DD from a previous relationship - DH has morphology issues, and I have "issues" too.

Good Luck !!

Re: Who do you think IVF should be for?

I think it's for anyone that cannot have children the good old fashioned way or has tried for a while and feels it's important to get it done in a more scientific and quicker way.

eta: I don't think it matters if you have kids or not.

Message edited 10/29/2009 6:29:34 PM.

Re: Who do you think IVF should be for?

I feel like IVF is for anyone who wants a child or another child and is unable to do so on their own (including individuals or couples who have genetic issues and IVF is the only way around it).

I was scared of IVF. U just have to take it 1 day at a time. The whole process goes by quickly and is a lot less scary than I thought it would be.

Re: Who do you think IVF should be for?

I have a daughter and am expierencing secondary infertility issues. I have auto immune natural killer cells, to name one of my "issues". IVF was an option (as well as IUI) for us. We opted for IVF.

I agree with the previous posters that IVF should be for anyone who wants a baby.... regardless of what # baby it would be, the first, second, third etc.

Keep in mind that, just b/c you do IVF, doesn't guarantee it'll be successful (sadly). Just like anything else in life, there are no guarantees. We did get pg through IVF, and my baby was diagnosed with trisomy 18. We lost our baby 4 weeks ago.

My point is, IVF, after conception, is just like any other pregnancy that was conceived naturally.

Best of luck to you, your DH and your 2 cute boys.

Re: Who do you think IVF should be for?

IVF is not for a special group of people who have "no" children, and neither is adoption (as many thought when we decided to adopt without IF issues). If you want another child, then whatever gets you there is the right answer.
Now the cost is another issue altogether. Many couples feel that they "should not" spend the money if they already have children. That is a different conversation.

Re: Who do you think IVF should be for?

Honestly, I think that your husband is very insensitive and I do question your coming on here and posting this. Secondary infertility is a very difficult thing to experience and to think that are people out there that think that those going thru it don't deserve to have another child is gross. That's just my opinion though. There are many of us here that are struggling with secondary infertility, it's not just girls that are trying to have their first.

Re: Who do you think IVF should be for?

Re: Who do you think IVF should be for?

While I wholeheartedly agree that IVF is for anyone that cannot conceive on their own, I would like to offer some food for thought on the process.

If you choose to go the IVF route, you need to be prepared for a few things that might not be condicive to someone who already has two children at home. Daily doctors appointments for bloodwork and internal sonos (for possibly two weeks at a time); you may bring your kids with you to the appointments, but they probably couldn't go in the room with you in stirrups. You need to prepare yourself for weeks of nightly self-administered injections - sometimes three or more per day. You need to be prepared for a few days of bedrest - after the egg retrieval and embryo transfer. The process can be very expensive also - even just copays and meds can add up quickly.

Absolutely go for it if you want a third child, but your DH will need to be on board with you 100%. The process is not an easy one and it will involve both of you. I wish you success.

Re: Who do you think IVF should be for?

Re: Who do you think IVF should be for?

I think IVF is for any one or couple that need it to conceive. That being said, I think your DH has some valid points of his own. He may see it as a "be happy with what you have" kind of situation for himself, that he's grateful (as I am sure you are too) for two healthy children. You mention the cost issue as well. I am sure with already having 2 children, your husband is concerned with ensuring he can provide for his current family and not have to sacrifice for them (or you) in an attempt for a third.
I believe that people should have the right to decide how small or large their family is, but the reality of the situation is that those of us dealing with IF have may not be granted that option. Therefore we have to make choices that are best for our entire immediate families and with their support.

Re: Who do you think IVF should be for?

Re: Who do you think IVF should be for?

Message edited 10/29/2009 10:15:38 PM.

Re: Who do you think IVF should be for?

Re: Who do you think IVF should be for?

Posted by CaidensMommy

Posted by lululu

Honestly, I think that your husband is very insensitive and I do question your coming on here and posting this. Secondary infertility is a very difficult thing to experience and to think that are people out there that think that those going thru it don't deserve to have another child is gross. That's just my opinion though. There are many of us here that are struggling with secondary infertility, it's not just girls that are trying to have their first.

I'm not sure what your questioning me for posting this? What do you mean?

Maybe I worded it wrong... I was trying to write it the right way. I don't feel he's being insensitive. The conversation wasn't ever going that way with him at all. He didn't talk negatively at all about it. I don't know why I can't explain what he exactly meant? It's not coming out right. I hate when that happens!!! I just can't write it. I apologize if I upset anyone?

Maybe IVF just scares him, the process, procedure, cost, etc. He'll also never understand infertility at all. He says he understands my female issues, but he won't ever "truly" understand what they're about. I think he will feel differently if that time ever came to discuss it if we can't get PG again. My benefits for iVF don't even come into affect for another 10 months anyway. I'll just have to cross that path if we need to cross it.

Again, I'm sorry if what I'm trying to say didn't come out right.

Message edited 10/29/2009 10:26:17 PM.

Re: Who do you think IVF should be for?

Re: Who do you think IVF should be for?

Re: Who do you think IVF should be for?

Posted by BaseballWidow

Posted by lululu


And perhaps "gross" is too strong a word, but it is HIGHLY judgmental of him. And I do tend to find judgmental thoughts to be somewhat gross.

I'm sorry but,


Have you read anything you wrote on this thread???

And I believe HE was saying for him/in his opinion, IVF was not for them. Not passing any kind of judgment on anyone else.

Re: Who do you think IVF should be for?

Posted by lululu

Posted by BaseballWidow

Posted by lululu


And perhaps "gross" is too strong a word, but it is HIGHLY judgmental of him. And I do tend to find judgmental thoughts to be somewhat gross.

I'm sorry but,


Have you read anything you wrote on this thread???

And I believe HE was saying for him/in his opinion, IVF was not for them. Not passing any kind of judgment on anyone else.

Well, I guess you are right. I guess I am judging him for being judgemental.... I didn't get that he was only applying it to their situation though - he specifically said that it IVF is not meant for "people like them" who already have 2 healthy children. To me, that means he is extending his opinion to others....

Sorry that she left the board. I never meant to drive someone way.

Re: Who do you think IVF should be for?

I had a little girl when I embarked on IVF, and I know for certain there were people who thought I was crazy and ungrateful for what I already had - in fact, even my own brother told me to suck it up and be happy with the fact that I was able to have one so easily.

I WISH, I really really WISH it were that easy, but unfortunately it isn't - wanting a child is a biological, instinctual urge, gnawing want and need, no matter how many children you've already had. It's not like a light switch that goes on and off, or something you can rationalize in your head. And truthfully, sometimes watching Alex grow up made it even that much more painful for me, because I couldn't help but feel so desolate and depressed, thinking I would never have the opportunity to experience those milestones and experiences again, and that I would never be able to give her the gift of a sibling.

Truthfully, statistics show that secondary infertility is actually MORE common than primary infertility, so more and more, women who have already had children, are undergoing IVF. Yes, my DH had a really difficult time understanding how we could conceive our first so easily, and yet somehow we were being roped into spending over $30k to conceive our second - I think it's harder for men to grasp the intricacies of the female body and reproductive system.

Re: Who do you think IVF should be for?

EVERYONE has the right to have their own child or 2 or 3 or 4... by whatever means it takes!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: Who do you think IVF should be for?

I obviously missed the OP but sort of got the idea. That being said, this is why you will never see me judge the Duggars for having so many children. Every single one of their children from #1 to #19 was a welcomed blessing. I am not an IVF rather an IUI patient, but I wish I were as fortunate as they were to NOT have to think about a process in order to conceive a child. It would be nice if intimacy with my husband led to the creation and birth of a child. It doesn't for us.

So if the Duggars wasnt 20 and couldn't do it naturally, they should have the option for IVF as well. JMO.