Second time IFers - anxiety? UPDATE

DH and I are not TTC for #2 just yet though we will start sooner than later based on my age (I'll be 39 this summer) and my process (unmedicated IUIs due to severe cervical stenosis).

I know my process works and I pray we are just as easily blessed the second time around - we were just a cycle away from meds or possibly IVF. I have accepted the fact that we need assistance to have a family. HOWEVER, the idea of doing it all over again really gets to the heart of me. From the first appointment at NSUH that determined my issue, to the multiple IUI's month after month, blood work, betas, temping and charting and 2 m/c's to get to where we are was simply mentally (as well as physically) exhausting for me.

For those of you who started or completed the process for #2, knowing that you already had IF issues, did you feel any of what I feel? Or did you just, as I would say in other situations, "suck it up and deal"? I guess the same question can be asked of those of you who are just thinking about #2 again. I just feel very anxious about doing it again and would love to know how everyone else deals knowing what you already have to go through. TIA.

UPDATE:
With much hesitation, I called my RE's office to find out how we go about starting the process all over again. I didnt know if we would need a consultation or bloodwork or anything else. We do need a consultation in which I am sure we will discuss my pregnancy and delivery. Then we will learn how to begin again. I will not schedule any appointments for some time, I just need to think about psyching myself up for the process. Thanks again for all of the support you've all given me. May we all be blessed with more miracles.

Message edited 3/31/2009 2:28:00 PM.

Re: Second time IFers - anxiety?

I have no words of wisdom for you as I'm still trying for #1! But I wanted to give you tons of and for when you need them!

Re: Second time IFers - anxiety?

We conceived my DS (3.5) via IUI's as well- many many of them , and was at my NP injection consult for our 1st IVF cycle when, on the nurses intuition only, made me a POAS and I was pg....After he was born, we basically left it to fate, hoping by some miracle we would conceive on our own ( I am anovualtory) , I was hoping pg. jumpstarted something ...needless to say it did not...So when my DS turned 2, we did it all again...started with IUI's , 5 of them and moved on to IVF and were successful on # 2 ( #1 was chem)...I think I just bit the bullet, knowing time was not on my side and if I wanted another this was a reality I had to accept...But I will be honest- After I had DS, I said to myself, when we try for #2, I won't go as far as IVF, if IUI's don't work, I will accept it...But when we got to that point, there was no way I was accepting no for an answer - I was going for #2 until I was ready to stop- It was in a complete diffent mind-set..

I will say, for me it was much harder in some ways and easier in others...Appointements were so hard- finding childcare or having to string my poor DS along month after month, the guilt was immense..In the same respect, I had him to pre-occupy my mind and IF didnt consume my life the way it had when I was trying for #1 - meaning it wasnt my only focus so time seemed to go more quickly...Totally different experience all around for me

Re: Second time IFers - anxiety?

One day I will bring Abby with me to meet the people who helped make her our miracle but only during off hours. Though it was never an issue for me, I know it is for others and I would try my best to be sensitive about it.

I will say that the idea of managing an infant while having IUIs will prove to be the biggest challenge. My sister already offered to take her overnight and bring her to day care for me, but it is so much more than that.

I think the bottom line for me is that the devil I know is as bad as the devil I don't. TTC through IF compounded by miscarriage was incredibly stressful and nearly destroyed my spirit. Those of you who know me, know I am high spirited so it was a very dark time for me. Thanks for your words of support.

Re: Second time IFers - anxiety?

While I have not yet conceived #1, having struggled with IF and a recent loss, I completely understand what you mean when you say that it nearly destroyed your spirit.

And, I understand that you do not want to go through that "process" again. However, it never ceases to amaze me how strong all of us are. Even though we are knocked down and at times kicked when we are down, we always manage to get up and keep on fighting. It's the end goal that keeps us going.

I also think that it is human nature to expect the worst. But, you have all of us to remind you that maybe everything will work out the first month!

Good luck

Message edited 3/26/2009 9:22:39 AM.

Re: Second time IFers - anxiety?

Thank you. I always say that every time I look at Abby, I know it was all worth it as "unnatural" as it felt to create her. Maybe it was G-d's way of showing just how strong I can be. Lord knows he tested me way too many times before, during and AFTER my pregnancy. I can do this. I have no choice. I just don't like it. Nobody does.

It is going to be a few months before we start. I have to make sure my body as well as my mind are ready. Im not there yet.

Message edited 3/26/2009 9:18:31 AM.

Re: Second time IFers - anxiety?

I totally understand your fears. I'm in the same boat, I want to have kids close in age but I wish we could do it on our own. I have anxiety about managing my apptointments and figuring out what to do with DS. I live over an hour from the RE so it would be a few hours for each visit. We will be doing FET as IUI's didn't work for us and I'm nervous about them not working OR about them working too well and having twins. We pay OOP so I'm torn about doing a single embryo transfer. And I feel horribly guilty posting here about my fears because I already have been blessed with a child once. I'm not sure when we are going to go back. Some days I feel ready and then there are days where I swear DS is going to be an only child

Re: Second time IFers - anxiety?

Ahh..Leslie, where do I begin.

I know that I thought it would happen quickly and thought I'd be painting my spare bedroom by now.

We're going thru this as a family now, and I have to be in a different "space" for the both of them. I think that's the biggest difference than when I went thru this the first time around.

I still get angry at the bfn's. But now I give my self a day to mourn instead of being upset for days as a time. I just can't do that anymore. I still wonder "why is this hapening to us", but as you say, I just "suck it up and deal". And you will also stay that POAS crazy lady..that one I don't think that you can control

As far as what you do with them on dr days or iui days. It works itself out. I think in the beginning that gave me the most anxiety, but it works itself out, so don't worry.

Re: Second time IFers - anxiety?

I am currently pg with # 1 which took two rounds of clomid, one medicated cycle with IUI and 3 back to back IVF cycles. I'll be trying again a few months after I give birth next month as I will be 40 in November. I'm resigned to the fact that it will probably take another round or so of IVF for #2 but quite honestly I didn't get too worked up trying for #1 so I don't feel it a big deal to go through the process again.

So I guess my answer is I'm just sucking it up and dealing...

Good luck to you!

Re: Second time IFers - anxiety?

I feel the same way you do. DD is 16 months old and in September we were going to gear up to do IVF for #2 but I got nervous/scared/anxious. We were blessed enough to get pregnant on our first IVF and it scares me to think it may not be so easy next time compounded with the fact that we have DD to worry about and the blood tests/monitoring/stress take its toll and now it's not only DH and I we also have to worry about DD too.

We have decided to wait it out (DH had varicocele repair surgery and that the surgery should have eliminated our need for IVF)...results should be seen by September. If not then we will be doing IVF #2 by the end of the year God willing.

It's stressful.....IMO more stressful than TTC#1. Good Luck!!!

Re: Second time IFers - anxiety?

Thanks again ladies. I hope we are all successful the first and second time around.

Every time I think about it, I hear my mom (may she rest in peace) saying "All your father had to do was touch his belt buckle and I was pregnant." It makes me chuckle, but makes me wish it were as easy. Oh and I am one of 4, so Dad's pants were always falling down.

Re: Second time IFers - anxiety?

Re: Second time IFers - anxiety?

Posted by JsWife

Posted by Goldi0218

Thanks again ladies. I hope we are all successful the first and second time around.

Every time I think about it, I hear my mom (may she rest in peace) saying "All your father had to do was touch his belt buckle and I was pregnant." It makes me chuckle, but makes me wish it were as easy. Oh and I am one of 4, so Dad's pants were always falling down.

Things seemed to be easier for our parents generation.

Re: Second time IFers - anxiety?

I think about number two all the time. I was a bit odd in that I never really let the whole IF process "get' to me too much. I didn't mind when people announced pregnancies or going to baby showers. Even when my IVF failed, I was a bit depressed for a few days and then was only upset that I had to take a month off before my FET.

That being said, when I think of doing it again, I do get a bit nervous. In my case, it is the fear of having twins after already having Sadie and the fear that I will have to go through many more cycles of drugs before getting pregnant again. The drugs took a toll on my emotions and body. I wouldn't want Sadie to suffer because of that.

Re: Second time IFers - anxiety?

Leslie, I am not in your shoes yet, but being 9.5 weeks pg with #1, I already have the fears you do.

I just try to think that when it comes to #2, we will start much further ahead, already having BTDT. We know what works and what doesn't. There won't be a need to put yourself through everything you did last time. Hopefully your anxiety will be eased a little knowing that you carried Abby to term and are capable of having a successful pregnancy, which you didn't know up until she was born.

(BTW, I know I'm hormonal, but what you wrote about your mom made me cry. Beautiful.)

Re: Second time IFers - anxiety?

I didn't mean to make you cry. Mom is gone almost one year already with her unveiling next month. Im pretty emotional too.

Re: Second time IFers - anxiety?

Re: Second time IFers - anxiety?

Re: Second time IFers - anxiety?

We were talking about this the other day and I should be grateful that I have the twins, but in many ways, I feel that I am not done!

I had a very easy pregnancy although it took me a lot to get there (4 clomid IUIs, 2 rounds of IVF). I still have 1 round of IVF left.

However, I am petrified of multiples again! I certainly don't want a TLC show knocking at my door. My husband jokes that it can be called "Multiples in the City, see how a family in NYC lives in a 1 bedroom apt with two sets of multiples!"

We will see..I give myself another year before I make any decisions.

Re: Second time IFers - anxiety?

Yes--even though Ryleigh is only 3 1/2 months old, I have been thinking about #2 and how things are going to go.

I was EXTREMELY lucky with Ryleigh. It only took us one month of actually TTC once I went on the Clomid. The whole thing, due to the circumstances, was beyond a miracle.

The thought of doing it again in a year or two is majorly nerve-wracking to me. All of those 6:30 am visits to the RE and all the blood tests and waiting for phone calls about results. I'm not going to jump into it until I'm absolutely sure I can handle all that again!

Re: Second time IFers - anxiety? UPDATE

BUMP

Re: Second time IFers - anxiety? UPDATE

I'm glad you know what the next steps will be when the time comes.

Re: Second time IFers - anxiety? UPDATE

I am absolutely scared to death to try for #2. I feel by some miracle I have my DS, and that I should not change our Dynamics. My Dr. was talking about switching me from IUI's to IVF when I did get pregnant. Next time I will be much older, so who knows if the IUI will do it. I am not afraid of IVF, I am afraid of the emotional roller coaster of it all.

I have no idea how i will manage my DS, and all the appointments, there is noone to help me for those time frames.Also, you know my story for my DS birth...that scares me most of all. Sometimes I think DS is enough...but I know deep down inside I'd like another, and I know DH wants one. I am pushing the anxiety off for now, because i am waiting for a bit to try again, but putting off is also making me anxious, becuase i am not getting any younger...for now that is my choice though.

OKay, I have rambled, as you can tell I am dazed and confused lol

Re: Second time IFers - anxiety? UPDATE

Hey Leslie........I feel the same way as you do. I feel blessed to have Emerson and it was all worth it but I too struggle with the idea of going through all the blood work, sonos, monitoring, etc. all over again. We want to try later this year for #2 but I am already trying to mentally prepare myself for all of the RE visits. I just mentioned to my DH the other day that we should probably go back and meet with him sometime in May so we can start preparing for TTC later this year. Since having Emerson in Sept. I've had 3 AF's however, it would seem I have not ovulated with them which was always my problem in the first place. Now that I know it took a few months for the Metformin to work and for me to ovulate I know it's best if I get a jump start on everything with the RE before starting to officially try again. It's so stressful, worth it of course, but stressful. I hope that we are as lucky the 2nd time around and I hope that all of the ladies on this board are equally blessed this year too!!

Re: Second time IFers - anxiety? UPDATE

Wishing you many more miracles!!!