i am so mean!

I feel like the worst person. Why can't I just be happy for other people? Why do I have to be a miserable jealous meanie??? A really good friend just told me that his wife was pg and I really did not give the nicest response. I know it was difficult for them to have their first and this one "just happened". I didn't mean to be whatever about it but I couldn't help it. KWIM???

Re: i am so mean!

Totally KWYM. On Christmas Eve this past year, I was visiting my parents, my ILs were there, the whole thing...I had so thought that I would at least be PG by then if not already have a baby...I checked my Facebook account and someone that I am good friends with - money problems, not trying, etc. posted that she was PG totally surprised - I was happy but not, if that makes sense. It is so hard but lots of for you! You are not a horrible person, trust me.

Re: i am so mean!

Never feel guilty for your feelings. It's a part of grieving (according to a social worker DH and I saw before we started IVF) and you should allow yourself to feel... it's part of this process. We're only human.
ETA: Also, I'd guess that you are happy for them, but sad for you- and at that moment the sadness was stronger than the joy, KWIM?

Message edited 3/21/2009 1:02:56 AM.

Re: i am so mean!

I totally know what you mean. I had to fake happiness last week when my friend told me she was 6wks. She and I started our IF journey together. She got her BFP on an off cycle. Her DD is 7mths. We had lunch last week. And joking around I was like...you better start your next round. And lo and behold they had. I was like deer with headlights.

I was also angry that I was so jealous. But, what can I do. It feels like a bad joke every time you hear someone get knocked up easy.

Once I realized I was only human, the jealousy went away. Ok, after like 3 days of brooding over it.

what can we do? nothing...life goes on.

Re: i am so mean!

No, you are just honest and quite frankly I give you a lot of credit. I do a lot of lying and concealing my emotions and I know it is not good for me!!

Re: i am so mean!

You are definitely not alone. I've posted before how I get very jealous and angry towards friends or even aquaintances that I learn are PG. This jounrey is hard and we never know how we're going to react. I'm sure your friend knows you're happy for them but that its doesn't make it any easier. Don't be hard on yourself, definitely normal reaction.

Re: i am so mean!

Definitely normal don't worry. I've had the same feelings. And secretly... I know this is awful... but my friend's DH is not good for her. she knows it deep down inside and has even questioned her relationship numerous times but yet she was still TTC got preggo 6 mos later and is sooo unhappy right now. I love the ones where they got preggo happened by mistake. Ughhhh that makes me so upset. But then that feeling passes and I am happy for them. What you are feeling is natural given what you are going through.

Re: i am so mean!

Thank you all for making me not feel so guilty. I don't want to be a jealous person, I know I should be happy for them- and I am. I said I was excited for them and said how nice it must be to have "just happened" but I feel like I came off a little snotty. They will totally understand thought and I appreciate that you all do too! Thanks and lots and lots of