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lovemy2boys
LIF Adult
Member since 10/07 3915 total posts
Name:
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wondering what others think
about this situation. I fig. this was a good place to post the situation. My BIL married a woman who was kind of eeeehhhh, about having kids. before they were married, she said she would def. have just have one for him basically. now, they have been married over three years, he is badgering her for a baby, and she wants no part of it. she of course is getting older by the second, and claims they are not ready for a kid, she doesn't want to ruin her body (etc) now my BIL is a great guy, wants a family, the white picket fence, all of that stuff. In my heart I know if she doesn't change her mind he is going to leave her. DO you think this situation is grounds for divorce or is this a for better or worse situation?
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Posted 3/10/09 8:02 PM  |
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DirtyBlonde
*****
Member since 11/07 7344 total posts
Name:
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Re: wondering what others think
my immediate reaction: grounds for divorce
because he entered the marriage believing that they would have a child.
i don't think it's fair to anyone involved, including the potential child, to just have a baby to make someone happy - recipe for disaster.
but ultimately only he can decide if he can stay with her.
i am sorry that your BIL is in this situation though i don't think that saying 'getting older by the second' is necessary.
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| Posted 3/10/09 8:33 PM |
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ihilani
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/07 858 total posts
Name:
alias
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Re: wondering what others think
Posted by DirtyBlonde
my immediate reaction: grounds for divorce
because he entered the marriage believing that they would have a child.
I agree, but I'm no lawyer. 
I remember going to pre-cana and being asked if either of us had any known reproductive problems. We said no  , although I suppose DH could technically ask for an annulment since we knew full well what my issues were.
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| Posted 3/10/09 8:38 PM |
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Lizzie217
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/09 611 total posts
Name:
elizabeth
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Re: wondering what others think
If I went into my marriage with the intention of having children and my husband up and decided he did not want it might be.
To me that is fraud.
Now if she said no from the beginning and he accepted it and changed his mind that is different. But to say you want a family and then not TRY for one is lying to get a person to marry you.
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| Posted 3/10/09 8:42 PM |
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Re: wondering what others think
I believe it is grounds for divorce-irreconcilable differences to be specific if that is what he truly wants.
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| Posted 3/10/09 8:45 PM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: wondering what others think
definitely a grounds for divorce IMO
she married him making a promise about family--thats something huge. to break that promise would be a deal breaker to me. why would she marry him if she knew that this was something he wanted? just seems very unfair to him, so i could see how he could be upset over this and it lead to a divide.
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| Posted 3/10/09 9:30 PM |
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KittyKatCopper
missing my handsome boy
Member since 3/09 1579 total posts
Name:
Kat - HamptonsBride (LIW)
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Re: wondering what others think
DH double checked with me before we got engaged...and then again before we got married to make sure i still didn't want kids...i never would've lied to him just to keep him...plus i couldn't be with someone who really didn't want the same life i had envisioned.
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| Posted 3/10/09 9:34 PM |
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Re: wondering what others think
I have to say grounds for divorce. If DH hadn't wanted kids, we wouldn't have gotten married, if he had said yes and then changed his mind later, I would have walked!!
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| Posted 3/10/09 9:38 PM |
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drpepper318
MIR MIR MIR!
Member since 6/07 8274 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: wondering what others think
I agree with everyone else. They want completely different things. I believe it's grounds for divorce in this case.
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| Posted 3/10/09 9:43 PM |
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IrishLasss334
I'll be there soon!
Member since 1/08 6549 total posts
Name:
Patty
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Re: wondering what others think
I know someone who was in the same situation, he wanted kids, she said she would have one...they were married for a few years and she kept stalling and then said no. They eventually divorced. He is now remarried with a beautiful son.
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| Posted 3/11/09 8:23 AM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: wondering what others think
Posted by BlovesE
If I went into my marriage with the intention of having children and my husband up and decided he did not want it might be.
To me that is fraud.
Now if she said no from the beginning and he accepted it and changed his mind that is different. But to say you want a family and then not TRY for one is lying to get a person to marry you.
Changing your mind is not fraud. And, honestly, I think it's entirely possible for people to change their mind about having children, even after being married. The key is communication and expressing your feelings and expectations to your spouse when it happens. I'm not downplaying how horrificly painful that must be for the other spouse either... but it happens.
As for the OP's situation, I don't think having a child for someone else is any reason to have a child. If she truly does not want children ever, then your brother has a very painful choice to make. I hope they are able to figure out what will be best for both of them. I don't envy their position.
Message edited 3/11/2009 8:43:56 AM.
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| Posted 3/11/09 8:40 AM |
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TheLorax
LOVE
Member since 2/06 5581 total posts
Name:
Suzanne / SuzBride
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Re: wondering what others think
Maybe she thought that when she got a little older, she would warm to the idea of children? People have told me for YEARS that the desire to have children will kick in at some point (obviously it has not).
I think at this point, they need to sit down and have a serious conversation about children, to see where each person stands. If she has decided she does not want them, but he is set on having them, then perhaps they are not meant to be.
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| Posted 3/11/09 8:51 AM |
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MrsFab
this is bliss.......
Member since 10/08 1234 total posts
Name:
Mb
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Re: wondering what others think
yes it is grounds for divorce. My uncle married a woman that did not want kids, but said she would have one for him.
He pushed her and prodded her but she never agreed. They have been married for 25 years and are seriously the most miserable people that I have ever met. My uncle, now at 60, has decided to finally leave her.
I hate divorce but I think this is too big an issue to settle on- your bil will never be happy if he doesnt have a child, and your sil may end up resenting him if she does it for him and really didnt want to
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| Posted 3/11/09 8:55 AM |
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Cheeks24
Living a dream
Member since 1/08 8589 total posts
Name:
Cheeks
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Re: wondering what others think
Posted by munchkinfacemama
I believe it is grounds for divorce-irreconcilable differences to be specific if that is what he truly wants.
Agreed!
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| Posted 3/11/09 9:40 AM |
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Melmel821
Love being a mom!
Member since 5/08 2776 total posts
Name:
Melanie
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Re: wondering what others think
Taking all the legal stuff out of it. Why should anyone be in a relationship that is not open, honest and fulfills a need. A big part of marriage is family no matter how you define it. And if one person wants children and the other doesn't... that's a big strain on the relationship.
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| Posted 3/11/09 8:58 PM |
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Lizzie217
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/09 611 total posts
Name:
elizabeth
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Re: wondering what others think
Posted by Kara
Posted by BlovesE
If I went into my marriage with the intention of having children and my husband up and decided he did not want it might be.
To me that is fraud.
Now if she said no from the beginning and he accepted it and changed his mind that is different. But to say you want a family and then not TRY for one is lying to get a person to marry you.
Changing your mind is not fraud.
The definition of fraud is a deception made for personal gain. In my estimation her gain was to get him to marry her, and she decieved him by saying she wanted to have chilcren. This is my take on it.
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| Posted 3/11/09 9:22 PM |
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