here we go

Message edited 12/31/2007 12:28:18 AM.

Re: here we go

Your her Mother. You get to decide what she does.

If she's annoyed at you--well, she'll get over it.

Re: here we go

Can I suggest you having an adult meeting with a therapist to go over all of these issues? All 4 adults in one room with one 3rd party therapist might help work this out.
You have ever right to say that she can't sleep there, but he is her father. Do you truly believe that her father would not want to get his daughter out of a fire? If that is the case then you need to talk to him and his wife and lay it on the table. I am sorry that you have to feel this way...I would be very upset.

Re: here we go

Message edited 12/31/2007 12:28:36 AM.

Re: here we go

That is just so sad...more for your daughter.
He wants your husband to adopt her? Does she know that? How truly sad for her.

You can hire someone to follow him and document his "pay off the books'. Getting into trouble with the IRS would show him you mean business.

It is so hard because your daughter is going to love her father, of course. But I doubt I would let her sleep over. Maybe call a meeting with all 4 of you and discuss the future. His new wife maybe a good person and want your daughter to be happy.
Sorry he is sounds like a real pain to deal with!

Re: here we go

This would be my worry. They tell your 9 year old that they want her to sleep over but you won't let her. It makes you out to be the bad guy - and that you are keeping her from her father. I'm not saying to cave into every demand so you're not the bad guy - we're parents that's our role . I'm not really sure this is about a possible fire & who they're going to save. It sounds like it's just that he's not a good father and how much do you really want to subject your little girl to him? The thing is he gets custody anyway - and is in her life. I understand wanting to shield your child from feeling unwanted by this SOB, but she's going to find out on her own that he's a jerk. I just hope she never finds out what a jerk he was questioning if she was his, etc.

Sounds like the stepmother really wants to put in the effort, so that's where I would start. I would talk to her about it and tell her your concerns are that your daughter has been hurt before by his past actions and you don't want to let that happen again.

And for you...

Re: here we go

I understand where you are c oming from I have been with my friend who has delt with this from day one of her daughters life and her daughter is now going to be 16 and she doesn't make any effort to contact her father unless he contacts her and gets her on the phone. SHe told her mother why should I be there at his convience when I was never convient enough for him.

Your daughter will realize sooner or later that her father is a no good SOB

I am sorry your going through this

Re: here we go

Thanks Ladies
I will probably let her sleep over once and see how it goes.....I will hate every second of it but I am so sick of being THE BAD GUY in the situation all the time
She really wants to sleepover because her stepbrother is 8 and she is 9 and they get along......it really has nothing to do with her Dad at all
thanks for letting me VENT

Re: here we go

I can totally understand your frustrations!! I have three children and their father is almost the same way!! He disappeared on them once for three months and then again for another 6!!! The children are completely innocent in all of it and it is so hard for us as their mothers to have to allow these things to go on!!! As another poster said eventually they will see the same side of him as you and when that time comes it is going to be really hard!!! I know the feeling of always being the bad guy (or feeling that way anyhow) and it is a very tough spot to be in!! I would try and get into talking with the stepmom and at least have one adult in the situation you acn communicate your concerns with!! I think that really helps in these situations!!! It is do hard for us moms and I send you many for having to go through this with your child!! Always here if you need to talk or vent!! Just let me know!!!