need advice....

i hope you guys can make sense of this, its probably all over the place but im just so ****** off.

today i was in a bad mood, it was probably just hormones but i wasnt the most pleasent person to be around. i went over to my moms house and was really grumpy. i wasnt exactly mean to her but i just vented a little to her, one thing being about how i think her house is so dirty.... because it is! she laughed it off and just said looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

let me just add that shes not the most easiest person to get along with, shes like that over opinionated mil that you cant stand, except shes my mom lol.

fast foward to tonight, i come home from the ducks game to an email from her bashing me for putting her down all the time (which i really dont put her down all the time, if anything, its the other way around), saying how im so ungreatful and just being overall mean. she ends it with i better give her an apology. so i wrote her back saying i wasnt giving her an apology and basicly getting a lot of things off my chest that i know shes not gonna like.

now im about to give birth any day now and i dont know what to do with her. if i went into labor right now, i would feel uncomfortable calling her to tell her and shes made it very clear that she wants to be there from the minute i enter the hospital. to be honest, i feel like i dont even want to see her anytime soon, in a way i just wanna write her off and get on with my life, just me, my bf, and DD.

so my question to all of you is, what do i do? do i try to make peace with her? (after the email i just sent her, im not even sure thats an option, but i feel like she opened up that can of worms when she sent me the email) was it wrong of me to tell her off even after she told me off? does anything i just wrote even make any sense to you guys? lol

i dont know, my mind is just all over the place right now. if theres no advice you guys can give me, thanks for letting me vent anyway.

Re: need advice....

Maybe just try to focus on yourself right now and these last moments of your pregnancy. You can work out the other stuff later but right now you have a little person about to enter the world who you need to worry about!

Re: need advice....

Honestly, as a mother myself, I would be very hurt if my daughter spoke to me the way you are making it sound.
If her house is dirty and you don't live there, let it be. ( I have to do this with my own mother, she was NEVER a housekeeper ) And I would be looking for an apology from my daughter as well. BUT if she didn't give me one, I would contact her and let her know I was upset and suggest we put this behind us and move on.
Life is too short for these argurements. My daughter and grandchild would be more important.

If you don't put this behind you before the baby is born and not call your mom because of it, don't you think it will be that much harder to speak to her?

Good Luck

Re: need advice....

This is tough...

I had a very bad argument with my mom right after johnny was born..it was awful. It went on for 3 weeks of not speaking and it was when i needed her the most. It had to do with her wanting his christening in NY and me not sure where it could be (i live in VA).

Looking back now, I feel it was ridiculous. I did not want to not speak with her....but she is very stubborn and I guess felt she was owed an apology as well although to this day I know I didn't owe one, if anything it is the opposite.

HOWEVER..I write this b/c your mom sounds pretty similiar to mine. Gets easily hurt and doesn't forgive easily either. My advice to you...

NO MORE EMAILS!!! They are the worst things...tones are misunderstood, the words are on paper and can't be taken back really...they go back and forth and get worse with each one. Go to your mom, sit down with her and apologize for your bad mood and tell her that you realize now you prob said things that were unnecessary but didn't mean it. I too would be a bit offended if my kid told me my house was dirty. She probably knows this and doesn't need the reminder.

Life is too short...there are too many happy events coming up...it's the worst time to be in a fight. Even if you feel like you truly don't need to apologize, maybe just apologizing for upsetting her is enough and you can call a truce and move forward.

Good luck!!

Re: need advice....

your mom will always be your mom. def try to patch things up with her despite the back and forth arguments. if she wants to hold a grudge, at least you know you tried!

Re: need advice....

Id have to say Im probably the worst person to give advice being Im at the same point right now.. My daughter is 18 months and she has not been there at all for me with her and now Im 5 months pregnant and hasnt been there at all again..I have had several sit downs to tell her how I feel and try to make it better and nothing is working.
So personally Im at the point where Im done..Im looking foward to moving in the next few months out of state and leaving all this drama behind me.

I think if you want to resolve the situation though then you should sit down face to face..Emails do more harm then good..If you dont do it now before you have the baby and decide not to call her then The relationship will be even worse if she misses the birth..

I think that you should atleast give it one more try because obviously it bothers you and it always will..Take it from me I dont have a father and now I dont have a mother...And when you have a baby you will want your mom to be there with you

Re: need advice....

I just went through this with my mom last month. She constantly nags me about my weight, my friends, she thinks I am too mean to my DH, my house, my dogs, etc.... Well, one day I snapped back at her. She hung up on me and then sent me an e-mail telling me that I am the moodiest pregnant woman she ever met and that I owed her an apology (of course, I thought she owed me one). I wrote her another e-mail saying I was sorry for snapping at her, but I went on explaining the things that she constantly says thast bother me, and of course she responded by saying thast she only says those things because she loves me We didn't talk for at least a week (my choice) and then she sent me another e-mail saying how important and I were to her, and then I just ccalled her 1 day and we spoke as normal. We are fine now and I notice that she stops herself when she is about to nag.
I agree with the pp that you need your mom, and you should make up with her. Let's be honest, hormones probably did play a small part in the things you said, so you both need to work it out. Good luck

Re: need advice....

thank you all for your advice. i know you are all right, i know i need my mom and i do want her in my life but after everythings said and done, i dont still dont know what to do. im just so ****** that she had to pull this days before my delivery.

oh and to the ladies who said i was wrong in saying how her house was dirty, the only reason i said anything was because i dont want my DD spending much time there. between the dust, dog pee and poop all over, and black mold all over the bathroom walls, i worry about her health from breathing it all in.

Re: need advice....

Message edited 7/1/2008 11:13:27 AM.

Re: need advice....