Am I wrong?

My mother keeps saying that she is coming to stay at my house for a week or two after is born. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the thought, but I dont feel that I really need her there that long and I just feel like we would clash on things and personally, I don't feel like being lectured for a week about my house, what to do, my dogs being around, etc... any advice ladies?

Re: Am I wrong?

Part of me says, take what you can get!
The other part of me understands what you mean about clashing and says no way!

I am no help, am I?

Re: Am I wrong?

I say just tell her that a few days is fine, but that you need time alone with the baby to bond. That should do the trick!

Re: Am I wrong?

Posted by FelAndJon

Part of me says, take what you can get!
The other part of me understands what you mean about clashing and says no way!

I am no help, am I?

Re: Am I wrong?

I'm sorry but if my mother stayed at my house for any amount of time, there would be bloodshed!! DH and I will get thru it together. I do not need my mother in the way while my husband and I are bonding with our child. If you don't want her there... tell her and be clear about your wishes!!!!

Re: Am I wrong?

Hrm..
I'm BEGGING my father to stay longer than a week. I am planning on booking his flight later so he can't go home early unless he's on standby

Still if my so called mother (reality my stepmother) came...

I'd be fit to be tied. Clashing isn't a word. I am sure she'd be on her best behavior but still .. get out of my HAIR!!!

Which is why she wasn't included in the invitation I just said I could only handle one person and since my father missed my birth, my brothers, and sister as well as my nephew, I wanted him here for mine.

Re: Am I wrong?

Personally, I hope my mom will come stay with us for 1 or 2 weeks to help out. If you don't want her there, tell her that you and your DH need time alone with the baby. You can ask her to visit a few weeks later. You can also tell her you don't anticipate needing her help, but if you do, you'll let her know.

Re: Am I wrong?

my cousin had her mom visit her for 2 weeks after the baby, and she was getting quite irritated in the end... mainly because her mom kept saying 'well, SIL doesn't do it THAT way, SHE does it THIS way'.... as if there is only 1 way to take care of a child... it really got to her after a while. She wanted to be able to learn to be a good mom on her own and in peace....

You also must factor the hormone issue into the equation.... after we give birth, we'll be more emotional and more easily irritated.....

Re: Am I wrong?

My mom lives around the corner BUT...she just told me that her and my dad and a bunch of my other family members are all going on vacation 2 weeks after i'm due.

My aunt said, you're leaving Janine, what if she needs help? My mom's answer: "Janine???? Janine doesn't need help, she's been around kids all her life, she's got it covered!"

So my mom already knows that I might need some help..but knows that she doesn't have to be my shadow.

Re: Am I wrong?

Thank God my Mom and MIL are local so they can go home. I couldn't deal with them full time.

Re: Am I wrong?

i am the wrong person to ask - my mom and i get along really well and i would love if she stayed with us for a week... that being said, she is close by and knows that DH and i will need bonding time with our LO when he arrives.

i think you should tell your mom that you appreciate the thoughtfullness of her offer but you would prefer if she was only there for a couple of days and not a whole week.

Re: Am I wrong?

I agree, if you have a helpful husband, you don't need your mom there that long. 2-3 days should do the trick.

Compromise with her!

Re: Am I wrong?

Both mom and MIL are local, and I can't imagine them two together, bc they are VERY different...so I know I will not have that....and I also know that they will both go home at night, so I can get some peace from both of them....I think they are going to take alternating weeks to help me when I need it, but I can see MIL who is a nurse being very opinionated on how to do things, she already told me I gained too much weight at 8 weeks (um 3 pounds) and she's actually obese with diabetes, which peeved me off a little....my DH also listens to his mom like she was writing the holy grail herself...so honestly I'd rather my mom there than MIL

Re: Am I wrong?

Does she live locally or no?? My mom said she wanted to come help also, but wanted DH, DC and I to bond as long as we need to and when I needed her to just call and she would be here. Maybe ask your mom if you could have some private time and could she please be on call for when you NEED her

Re: Am I wrong?

You are not wrong at all. I might say something like "I am so glad you'll be able to stay with us after the baby is born but you probably don't need to plan on staying for 2 weeks though. I think DH will be okay after the first few days.

I would definitely take the help for a few days though.

Re: Am I wrong?

we live with my bf parents and my mom wanted me to come stay at her house for the first week. i dont wanna do that for a few reasons, i wanna sleep in my own bed, i want my bf there with me and there is no room for him to sleep (its a twin) and i know he dosnt wanna stay there, ill miss my dogs, all my belongings are here, and honestly, my moms house is a mess and just being there for an hour grosses me out lol. so i told her that i would just come over during the day and she was all disapointed about it. shes like the babies a new born u cant take her out of the house. honestly, i dont see the big deal about her going from the house to the car to the house in july no less, my mom only lives 5 minutes away. its not like its cold out or anything. shes already like when i call u and tell u i wanna see the baby ur bringing her over. im sorry but im not gonna drop everything and take the baby to her cuz she wants to see her, i have a life. its funny because before i got pregnant she always said that i better not get pregnant cuz shes not gonna be sitting home watching my baby but now it seems like she wants me to drop the baby off with her everyday like shes hers. i can already tell that this whole experiance with her is gonna be a nightmare. shes already trying to tell me what i can and cant do with the baby and how im gonna raise her and its like its my kid leave me alone ill do it how i want to. i know she means well but shes very over bearing and its like i dont get a say in anything. has anyone else had problems like this with thier moms?

Re: Am I wrong?

Oh I totally TOTALLY understand.

I think that having my mother around for 2 weeks woud drive me to insanity.

Re: Am I wrong?

i think it depends on how you get along with your mother. mine came the first three weekends after dd's birth and i could have used her all week! but she made herself really useful and also gave dh and me space to just be a family. not everyone's mothers can do that. if your mom is a pain about stuff, tell her no way. the last thing you need at that time is criticism!

Re: Am I wrong?

My house will be Grand Central station!!!


My mom, MIL and my 22 year old cousin who is flying in from Greece for a vacation and scheduled it to be here for the birth of will all be here!!!

Part of me loves all the attention and part of me knows I will regret it....

Re: Am I wrong?

After I had my son I absolutely could not have had anyone stay 24/7 with me other than my DH. My physical recovery was great but as a first time mom I had to deal with so much emotion, so much to learn and the sleep factor was hard...but since I am so stubborn it would have driven me crazy to have some one there. No matter how tired I was...I wanted to get my son and I wanted things my way. (Not that it's the right thing in general but right for me)

What I would have liked:
- Someone to come by to go for walks and help me juggle it all so I was more confident to do it more often
- Someone to bring food
- Someone to come do some light but helpful chores
- Someone to go food shopping for me
- Someone to bring lunch once in a while to hang out
- Someone with experience to just step in once in a while to give me a break (read nap)

Re: Am I wrong?

I am facing the same dilema except my mom, step-mother (who raised me), and MIL all want to come and help out the first week or two. My mom and my step-mom can't stand each other and all three can be difficult to handle individually, I can't imagine the horror if they were in a pack. I still haven't given them an answer yet, but all three know I 'm independent and like to do things my own way.