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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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The Easy Way?
Do you think it is easier to be critical, judgemental and snarky than it is to be kind, understanding and sweet?
Do you think it is easier to come up with some nasty but witty little bon mot to put someone with a glaring flaw down than it is to find the best in them and draw it out?
How do you behave the majority of the time? Do you whisper to your friends about so and so's inadequacies? Or are you the one who tries to shine the light on the good parts?
I have found that it is SO easy to be dragged down into a little bitchfest. Coming up with clever little nasties to describe someone's appearance, clothes or behaviors. And I have also found that I hate myself for it when I do it. So I am trying so hard not to do it. But it is REALLY difficult!
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Posted 5/2/08 6:58 AM  |
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sunnyplus3
:)
Member since 11/05 8749 total posts
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Re: The Easy Way?
I have this same talk with my 14 yr old DSD all the time. It is MUCH harder to FIND something true and nice to say then to tear someone down
I hate the way people communicate these days & I think its very mean spirited. I always try to find something good to say.
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| Posted 5/2/08 7:05 AM |
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JennZ
MY LIFE!!
Member since 8/05 25463 total posts
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Re: The Easy Way?
Well my grandma says its easier to mean to people and put them down then be a "good person" and be nice. And you know what she is right. I think for the most part I am "snarky" I do try and give the majority of people the benefit of doubt, BUT sadly I think we live in a time where MOST people are rude and inconsiderate of others.
It is sad but true.
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| Posted 5/2/08 7:54 AM |
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greenfreak
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Member since 9/06 11483 total posts
Name:
greenfreak
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Re: The Easy Way?
Posted by rojerono
I have found that it is SO easy to be dragged down into a little bitchfest.
You know how I feel about this already  I will say that when the bad parts of a person far outweigh the good parts, and additionally they are aware of how people around them feel but don't care to correct it, that is when I no longer make an effort to look on the positive side. It just rings false to me, like I'm grasping at straws. I'd rather stay in between and just not say anything than to try to find redeeming features for someone who doesn't have many.
I think of it like a bank account. You start out with a zero balance. Each time they do or say something nice and selfless with no agenda, the account balance goes up. Each time they lie or keep things from me that I should know, or just act like a selfish @ss, the balance goes down.
Some people in my life are WAY overdrawn and I don't see that ever changing. In those situations, it's very easy to voice that animosity, especially when others agree with you like coworkers against a boss, but I'm trying to live and let live. I try to just stop thinking and talking about it. To stop investing time in lost causes, good or bad, and cut my losses and move on.
It's not too hard to disconnect, you just need practice to become good at it.
Message edited 5/2/2008 8:52:42 AM.
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| Posted 5/2/08 8:51 AM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: The Easy Way?
Posted by greenfreak
Posted by rojerono
I have found that it is SO easy to be dragged down into a little bitchfest.
You know how I feel about this already I will say that when the bad parts of a person far outweigh the good parts, and additionally they are aware of how people around them feel but don't care to correct it, that is when I no longer make an effort to look on the positive side. It just rings false to me, like I'm grasping at straws. I'd rather stay in between and just not say anything than to try to find redeeming features for someone who doesn't have many.
I think of it like a bank account. You start out with a zero balance. Each time they do or say something nice and selfless with no agenda, the account balance goes up. Each time they lie or keep things from me that I should know, or just act like a selfish @ss, the balance goes down.
Some people in my life are WAY overdrawn and I don't see that ever changing. In those situations, it's very easy to voice that animosity, especially when others agree with you like coworkers against a boss, but I'm trying to live and let live. I try to just stop thinking and talking about it. To stop investing time in lost causes, good or bad, and cut my losses and move on.
It's not too hard to disconnect, you just need practice to become good at it.
YOU know some of the challenges I have.
While I appreciate the bank analogy - I can't see it working for me. If I give you my friendship I don't want to expect anything in return - except maybe that a person I consider a friend doesn't constantly talk trash about me when I am not around. I'd rather they say it to my face.
I want to be the person who WILL grasp at straws. I want to be the person who becomes really talented at finding that glimmer of light in a really dark room.
Will I get there? No idea. It's hard.
And it's so much easier to whine.
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| Posted 5/2/08 10:17 AM |
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tourist
Member since 5/05 10425 total posts
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Re: The Easy Way?
Posted by rojerono
I have found that it is SO easy to be dragged down into a little bitchfest. Coming up with clever little nasties to describe someone's appearance, clothes or behaviors. And I have also found that I hate myself for it when I do it. So I am trying so hard not to do it. But it is REALLY difficult!
It is! I felt that way especially in college., so I gave up being mena for lent. My friends thoughit was a joke, but I tried really hard to not talk about people behind their back & roll my eyes at the latest girls my guys friends were with & call them "freshman floosies".
It made me very aware, of how my first instict was usually a bitchy one!
It easy to get drawn back into that though.
I also find that eventhough, I don't always say something nasty, I don't say the complimentary things that pop in my head, as readily as I should.
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| Posted 5/2/08 11:31 AM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
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Re: The Easy Way?
I am actually the opposite.
I find it much easier to be nice than to be mean. (Maybe its because I don't know too many bad people). I have always been sensitive to people's feelings, and as someone who was picked on as a kid, I just try to be nice. I also surround myself with good people who bring me up- not down- and that helps. My DH always says I am too kind to people.
But even when I biitch about my boss, i complain about his communication skills- not his person.
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| Posted 5/2/08 11:43 AM |
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greenfreak
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Member since 9/06 11483 total posts
Name:
greenfreak
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Re: The Easy Way?
Posted by rojerono
While I appreciate the bank analogy - I can't see it working for me. If I give you my friendship I don't want to expect anything in return - except maybe that a person I consider a friend doesn't constantly talk trash about me when I am not around. I'd rather they say it to my face.
There ya go. When someone talks trash about you, take that deduction. Everyone has expectations of every relationship, however miniscule. Even if it's just - be someone who I can trust and be nice to. So when you find that account balance in the red constantly, it's a sign.
But the door swings both ways - you've told me you've been wronged by friends before and not taken action on it - whether it be approching them (you said you hate doing that  ) or the other extreme, re-evaluating the relationship. Perhaps they aren't approaching you for the same reasons you aren't approaching them.
That's where the shades of grey come into relationships. A way to cope with not-so-perfect 'friends' or 'acquaintences' that you may need to disconnect from a bit to remain happy. Otherwise, you internalize these feelings and make yourself sad.
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| Posted 5/2/08 12:14 PM |
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