| Posted By |
Message |
JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
|
Reposted from LIW-- for some reason I didn't get answers there
I got engaged in 2004 and set a date in 2006. Due to a number of issues (family complications, FH lost job, etc etc the list goes on) I cancelled my wedding.
When we got engaged we immediately asked a few people to be in the BP. As time went on I asked 2 more girls (friends from HS) who I spoke with frequently at that time. I didn't ask them really formally (it was actually over IM since they were international at the time) though I planned to have a BP GTG and give out "will you be.." cards.
I don't really talk to these girls anymore. I mean we're still friends and we're still in touch, but we've drifted more and more. There are other people I'd rather have in my BP.
How should I handle this?
|
Posted 4/28/08 6:10 PM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Shorty
.
Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
|
Re: Reposted from LIW-- for some reason I didn't get answers there
I would just ask the new people ... I'm sure the feeling is mutual with the friends that have drifted.
I kept my bridal party small for that reason... it was my sis, his sis, and my best friend of 20 years and that's it. No room for regret!
|
| Posted 4/28/08 6:22 PM |
| |
|
JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
|
Re: Reposted from LIW-- for some reason I didn't get answers there
Posted by Shorty
I would just ask the new people ... I'm sure the feeling is mutual with the friends that have drifted.
I kept my bridal party small for that reason... it was my sis, his sis, and my best friend of 20 years and that's it. No room for regret!
Yeah I think it is probably mutual. it's not that we don't like each other, but we're in different places in our lives to the point where it would be weird to have them in the BP because we're NOT that close. I should have kept it small. I kind of asked them impulsively. I have more guys than girls and I wanted to even it out, plus they were both super supportive, etc. But we're just not close anymore, but I have one friend I really would like in my BP.
So you think I can just ignore it and pretend it never happenned?
|
| Posted 4/28/08 6:24 PM |
| |
|
HeatherRose
Life is Good :)
Member since 11/07 6605 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Reposted from LIW-- for some reason I didn't get answers there
wow thats tough.
Are you going to ask them to come as guests to the wedding? If so then I think out of respect for them, they should still be in the BP.
If you've drifted so far apart that their not invited to the wedding, then its not that big of a deal if their not in it.
This is one of those things, that you just have to go with what feels right. GL
|
| Posted 4/28/08 6:26 PM |
| |
|
JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
|
Re: Reposted from LIW-- for some reason I didn't get answers there
Posted by HeatherRose
wow thats tough.
Are you going to ask them to come as guests to the wedding? If so then I think out of respect for them, they should still be in the BP.
If you've drifted so far apart that their not invited to the wedding, then its not that big of a deal if their not in it.
This is one of those things, that you just have to go with what feels right. GL
They'll def. be invited to the wedding, but it's at the point where they didn't invite me when they had birthday dinners, I didn't invite them to mine. We're not NOT friends, we're just not that close.
ETA: I wish I would have just kept it to the oriingla people I asked the night we got engaged...but that was 4 guys and 2 girls (both MOH) so I felt it was uneven
Message edited 4/28/2008 6:28:28 PM.
|
| Posted 4/28/08 6:27 PM |
| |
|
HeatherRose
Life is Good :)
Member since 11/07 6605 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Reposted from LIW-- for some reason I didn't get answers there
Posted by JenniferEver
Posted by HeatherRose
wow thats tough.
Are you going to ask them to come as guests to the wedding? If so then I think out of respect for them, they should still be in the BP.
If you've drifted so far apart that their not invited to the wedding, then its not that big of a deal if their not in it.
This is one of those things, that you just have to go with what feels right. GL
They'll def. be invited to the wedding, but it's at the point where they didn't invite me when they had birthday dinners, I didn't invite them to mine. We're not NOT friends, we're just not that close.
ETA: I wish I would have just kept it to the oriingla people I asked the night we got engaged...but that was 4 guys and 2 girls (both MOH) so I felt it was uneven
I can't speak for them, but if I thought of you as a friend and you had asked me, I'd probably still figure I'm in (no reason not to) I'd be hurt.
And there's probably going to be a time when you see them and the subject comes up if you don't have them, so if you decide not to, you should probably tell them before it gets all weird and looks worse then it is. I'd just explain to them that you really want everyone but you can't and you have to limit your # and are only picking your closest friends.
|
| Posted 4/28/08 6:35 PM |
| |
|
Lisa
I'm a PANK!!!
Member since 5/05 22334 total posts
Name:
Professional Aunts No Kids
|
Re: Reposted from LIW-- for some reason I didn't get answers there
I bet that they figured since you cancelled your wedding, they werent going to be in one. So, when you set a new date....you can ask new people!
|
| Posted 4/28/08 6:37 PM |
| |
|
julz33
i run for bacon
Member since 5/05 20584 total posts
Name:
julz
|
Re: Reposted from LIW-- for some reason I didn't get answers there
Are you going to have a smaller BP? I would just tell them that this time around you decided to keep it smaller and hope they'll understand.
|
| Posted 4/28/08 6:50 PM |
| |
|
Holly
Prayers to those who need them
Member since 5/05 6631 total posts
Name:
Holly
|
Re: Reposted from LIW-- for some reason I didn't get answers there
I see no problem with not having them in the BP. TImes change, people change, and if you are not as close with them as you have been in the past, how close will you be with them in the future? Stick with who you want, and have no regrets.
I had one friend who growing up, we always talked about weddings, what colors we would pick for each other, ete etc etc...and when it came time for me to choose people, she was not one of them. We had drifted apart--still freinds, but not so close anymore, it was a mutual understanding.
GOod Luck!
|
| Posted 4/28/08 7:08 PM |
| |
|
FelAndJon
needs to update her avatar pic
Member since 6/05 10212 total posts
Name:
Felice (aka LuckyBride2004)
|
Re: Reposted from LIW-- for some reason I didn't get answers there
Posted by julz33
Are you going to have a smaller BP? I would just tell them that this time around you decided to keep it smaller and hope they'll understand.
I agree with Julz. I think this is the best way to go
|
| Posted 4/28/08 7:55 PM |
| |
|
Ladybug63
Ohh... baby
Member since 5/06 2527 total posts
Name:
D
|
Re: Reposted from LIW-- for some reason I didn't get answers there
Posted by FelAndJon
Posted by julz33
Are you going to have a smaller BP? I would just tell them that this time around you decided to keep it smaller and hope they'll understand.
I agree with Julz. I think this is the best way to go
This is what I suggest! I wish I kept my BP to just my BFF & Sister! I don't talk to 3 of the 8.
|
| Posted 4/28/08 8:08 PM |
| |
|
JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
|
Re: Reposted from LIW-- for some reason I didn't get answers there
Posted by HeatherRose
Posted by JenniferEver
Posted by HeatherRose
wow thats tough.
Are you going to ask them to come as guests to the wedding? If so then I think out of respect for them, they should still be in the BP.
If you've drifted so far apart that their not invited to the wedding, then its not that big of a deal if their not in it.
This is one of those things, that you just have to go with what feels right. GL
They'll def. be invited to the wedding, but it's at the point where they didn't invite me when they had birthday dinners, I didn't invite them to mine. We're not NOT friends, we're just not that close.
ETA: I wish I would have just kept it to the oriingla people I asked the night we got engaged...but that was 4 guys and 2 girls (both MOH) so I felt it was uneven
I can't speak for them, but if I thought of you as a friend and you had asked me, I'd probably still figure I'm in (no reason not to) I'd be hurt.
And there's probably going to be a time when you see them and the subject comes up if you don't have them, so if you decide not to, you should probably tell them before it gets all weird and looks worse then it is. I'd just explain to them that you really want everyone but you can't and you have to limit your # and are only picking your closest friends.
If they still really wanted to be in the BP I would let them, but I think at this point it would be awkward for me to expect them to do it.
Our BP will actually be smaller, taking out 2 girls and adding one, and at least one of the guys we asked won't be able to do it.
|
| Posted 4/28/08 11:46 PM |
| |
|
nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Reposted from LIW-- for some reason I didn't get answers there
When you set your new date & are done with the planning, I would tell them that you're going w. a smaller bridel party.
No sense in telling them until the wedding is set.
|
| Posted 4/29/08 6:52 AM |
| |
|
J9-13
We're gonna be big sisters!
Member since 6/06 14887 total posts
Name:
J9
|
Re: Reposted from LIW-- for some reason I didn't get answers there
Posted by julz33
Are you going to have a smaller BP? I would just tell them that this time around you decided to keep it smaller and hope they'll understand.
Yup, yup! I agree with mommy Julz 
|
| Posted 4/29/08 10:16 AM |
| |
|
imas98
Love my Furbaby
Member since 10/07 1140 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Reposted from LIW-- for some reason I didn't get answers there
If it were me I'd assume I was no longer a bridesmaid since it was 4 yrs ago and the wedding didn't happen.
I would ask the people you really want to be in it now and not feel obligated to go with the original girls....things change.
I'd at least casually mention that you're having a smaller bridal party...they'll probably be relieved. I know I wouldn't want to be in a BP if I wasn't very close to the bride anymore....makes things awkward.
|
| Posted 4/29/08 10:26 AM |
| |
|
