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itkocak
Member since 7/07 7639 total posts
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Message edited 11/18/2011 3:57:35 PM.
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Posted 4/24/08 2:29 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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bicosi
life is a carousel
Member since 7/07 14956 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Annoyed
I can totally understand and part of me would be truly pi$$ed at my ex for not having said anything to me BEFORE accepting the set. Moreso knowing that you had already gotten it for her.
I would sell the set that the boss gave her and put that $$ in her bank account.
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| Posted 4/24/08 2:37 PM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: Annoyed
Though I'm not a parent, I can certainly see where you're coming from.
Your ex should have at least spoken to you about it.
I agree with the OP who said, sell that kit and put the money in the bank for your daughter.
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| Posted 4/24/08 2:41 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Annoyed
what kind of kits are they?
if one is rock and one is jazz...keep both and start a band 
try not to get too upset over this.
maybe you could even take one on in your house, and start playing again.
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| Posted 4/24/08 2:43 PM |
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greenfreak
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Member since 9/06 11483 total posts
Name:
greenfreak
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Re: Annoyed
I'm sorry Kev. 
Where physically are both the drumkits? Is one at your house and the other at her Mom's house?
I think you're right about teaching the value of earning. I don't know what I would do if I was in your position honestly. If she does enjoy it, maybe if she has two in each place, she will use them more?
Your legacy will be valuable no matter where she's drumming.
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| Posted 4/24/08 2:44 PM |
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leighdvm
My golden boys!
Member since 3/06 4419 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: Annoyed
I totally understand where are you are coming from and I would be pizzed, too!!!
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| Posted 4/24/08 2:46 PM |
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Re: Annoyed
Posted by Ophelia
maybe you could even take one on in your house, and start playing again.
The kit we bought her IS at our house. And Kevin has his own kit. When Kevin started playing again DD got really interested and he started giving her lessons.
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| Posted 4/24/08 2:48 PM |
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itkocak
Member since 7/07 7639 total posts
Name:
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Re: Annoyed
Message edited 11/18/2011 3:58:25 PM.
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| Posted 4/24/08 2:52 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
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Re: Annoyed
I can see both sides. I can see why you are upset.
But at the same time, if someone wanted to give my DD something that like that, I don't think I could turn it down. If she is serious about drums, and there is a free kit available to her, why shouldn't her mother take it? I don't think I would be *livid* unless your ex went out and bought the kit.
But I do agree wtih you that DD has to earn the upgrade.
What I would do, is introduce it gradually as a reward for something (Grades, school work, practicing on the drums, etc...) That way, its a win-win. She is still earning the right to use it. And she gets the upgrade.
Message edited 4/24/2008 3:03:09 PM.
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| Posted 4/24/08 3:01 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Annoyed
Posted by Shelly
I can see both sides. I can see why you are upset.
But at the same time, if someone wanted to give my DD something that like that, I don't think I could turn it down. If she is serious about drums, and there is a free kit available to her, why shouldn't her mother take it? I don't think I would be *livid* unless your ex went out and bought the kit.
But I do agree wtih you that DD has to earn the upgrade.
What I would do, is introduce it gradually as a reward for something (Grades, school work, practicing on the drums, etc...) That way, its a win-win. She is still earning the right to use it. And she gets the upgrade.
I agree completely.
Sorry this has gotten you upset. It seems that some of it has to do with your ex and how she operates rather than the drum set.
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| Posted 4/24/08 3:06 PM |
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Re: Annoyed
I know what you're saying Shelly, and it was a very nice gesture but her mother should've known how much this meant to Kevin, that it's something HE does with her. *I* don't even go into the basement when they play together, I let that be THEIR thing.
She originally asked for her own kit for Christmas, it was the first thing on her list but we wanted to see how serious she was about it first since she had only just started learning. We wanted her to EARN it, which she did. So we surprised her with it for her b-day in March but stressed how big of a deal it is and how lucky she is to have it. Now it basically makes this big gift that we gave her look like crap since a total stranger was able to give her the same thing for nothing.
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| Posted 4/24/08 3:07 PM |
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mka06
LIF Adult
Member since 8/06 1079 total posts
Name:
Melis
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Re: Annoyed
Posted by imthecindyofcindyandkevin
I know what you're saying Shelly, and it was a very nice gesture but her mother should've known how much this meant to Kevin, that it's something HE does with her. *I* don't even go into the basement when they play together, I let that be THEIR thing.
She originally asked for her own kit for Christmas, it was the first thing on her list but we wanted to see how serious she was about it first since she had only just started learning. We wanted her to EARN it, which she did. So we surprised her with it for her b-day in March but stressed how big of a deal it is and how lucky she is to have it. Now it basically makes this big gift that we gave her look like crap since a total stranger was able to give her the same thing for nothing.
I can see why you guys are very upset about this. I think the key here that makes it wrong is that this was something that DD's Mom knew was a "thing" with her Dad. If that wasn't the case, I wuold think it annoying, but maybe not that big of a deal. If this lady was aware of that and did this anyway I think it was very inconsiderate and disrespectful. Sorry it happened.
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| Posted 4/24/08 3:10 PM |
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itkocak
Member since 7/07 7639 total posts
Name:
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Re: Annoyed
Message edited 11/18/2011 3:58:38 PM.
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| Posted 4/24/08 3:14 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Annoyed
Posted by imthecindyofcindyandkevin
I know what you're saying Shelly, and it was a very nice gesture but her mother should've known how much this meant to Kevin, that it's something HE does with her. *I* don't even go into the basement when they play together, I let that be THEIR thing.
She originally asked for her own kit for Christmas, it was the first thing on her list but we wanted to see how serious she was about it first since she had only just started learning. We wanted her to EARN it, which she did. So we surprised her with it for her b-day in March but stressed how big of a deal it is and how lucky she is to have it. Now it basically makes this big gift that we gave her look like crap since a total stranger was able to give her the same thing for nothing.
I see what you are saying.
I don't know the relationship Kevin has with his ex. I also don't know how often DD is at your house and her mom's.
Do you think this was something malicious on her part? If so, than that is just wrong. Does she spoil DD and usually not teach her the value of a dollar?
Maybe she just wants to encourage DD to practice while she is at her house- since DD splits her time between your house and her mom. I don't know.
But, as a mother, if someone wanted to give me something to foster my DC's interests, I would be hard pressed to turn it down.
Maybe she should have spoken to Kevin about it first and figured out the best way to present it.
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| Posted 4/24/08 3:18 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Annoyed
Posted by imthekevinofcindyandkevin
Had she not made DD aware of this then we could have given her pieces as she needed/wanted in exchange for a great grade or doing chores above and beyond( I wouldn't make her pay for something we got for free) but now I'm made to be the bad guy in all this and that's what really butters my biscuit.
But can't you still do this? Or has it been set up already?
It seems like you have good communication with your ex- and as you said- she leapt without thinking. You ALL can say that just because this drum kit is there, doesn't mean she can use it. she has to EARN the right to use it.
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| Posted 4/24/08 3:21 PM |
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itkocak
Member since 7/07 7639 total posts
Name:
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Re: Annoyed
Message edited 11/18/2011 3:59:42 PM.
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| Posted 4/24/08 3:27 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Annoyed
Posted by imthekevinofcindyandkevin
Like I said it's more about how it was handled more than anything else. I would never do something like that without telling the ex first.
I just wish sometimes that she would discuss things like this before she tells DD.YKWIM?
I understand. I can't imagine all the issues a divorced parent deals with. You definitely should be on the same page about things like this. Sorry you were annoyed.
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| Posted 4/24/08 3:30 PM |
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