Friends- Reflection of you??

Hypothetical question: You have a friend and you're close ... not super close divulge every last detail of your life close, but you hang out and talk about stuff like work and weekend plans, and you find out she's been cheating on her bf. That's all you know and it didn't come from her. You found out thru the grapevine. You aren't really into the whole cheating thing and actually feel pretty strongly about it.

1) do you stay friends and accept it or kind of distance yourself because it could get uncomfortable if she brings it up or defends it

and

2) do you think the friends you keep are a reflection of you?

Re: Friends- Reflection of you??

I think my friends PRAY they are not a reflection of me

I love my friends. they are awesome women. and they are hott. which is a criteria, since I am shallow.

ETA: I think my friends are a reflection of my good taste. I was keen enough to snap up the best of the best.

Message edited 3/6/2008 11:26:07 AM.

Re: Friends- Reflection of you??

You are whom you closely associate with.

I once read this somplace. It was this paragraph that had these words of wisdom. I lost it & never found it again.

It goes something like....

If you run with the wolves, you become one. - It had to do with toxic people & things like that.

Re: Friends- Reflection of you??

I feel VERY strongly about cheating.

I also feel VERY strongly that a second or third-hand rumor about an acquaintance or friend of mine cheating isn't a basis to end a friendship. Is this a rumor you heard through the grapevine, or has she admitted to this? If you don't like her that much or her behavior when she's around you is inappropriate, then don't hang out with her for sure, but don't go just on the basis of information through the grapevine, unless it's confirmed..

(BTW - that's a general "you" -- not the OP specifically...)

ETA --

1. If she talks about it / defends it / says she's doing it -- then, I would tell her how I feel about it, tell her I cannot support it, and probably stop hanging out with her. I'm not, however, going to distance myself just b/c it might be happening and it might come up. Heck, if we were associated closely enough that she would be somehow a reflection on me, then we'd be close enough that I'd come out and ask her what's going on. I'd tell her I heard the rumor and say "I just wanted to let you know that people are saying things about you I don't believe are true..."

2. In general, I think the company you keep says something about you -- but I don't think friends are direct reflections of who someone is. My friends are all VERY, very different - from me and each other. I don't agree with everything they do and they probably don't agree with everything I do...

Message edited 3/6/2008 11:33:56 AM.

Re: Friends- Reflection of you??

Re: Friends- Reflection of you??

I do believe that your friends are a reflection of who you are.....
To a certain extent....
There are plenty of things I would do that my friends may not, and vice versa, we don't have exactly the same standards.
What makes a true friend is even though you may not agree, you still let your friend know you are there to lend a shoulder to lean on when the chips are down.
THAT is a true friend....

Without all the facts it's hard to say in this specific incident...

Re: Friends- Reflection of you??

I have had this happen with 2 of my close friends.

One person I chose to cut ties with. It was less about the affair she was having (she wasn't cheating but was instead the mistress to someone married), but more about her actions surrounding the affair. She lied about it and denied it to everyone. The lies led to other problems.

The other person cheated on her DH. Her ex-DH was a wonderful man and for a long time I struggled with coming to terms with her actions. Finally, I decided that I am not in her shoes, and because her actions never really caused me harm, I am still somewhat close with her. My friend is now divorced and she is getting married to the person she had the affair with soon.

I guess it all comes down to the situation for me...

Re: Friends- Reflection of you??

1) I wouldn't distance myself having heard it through the grapevine. If I knew it for a fact instead, what I chose to do would really depend on a lot of different factors.

2) Generally, yes, I think your friends are a reflection of you. But I don't think most people necessarily assume that everything your friends do/think/say/participate in, you do as well. You have to allow for individual differences.

Re: Friends- Reflection of you??

ftr, I answered without reading the hypothetical.

not everything you do and not everything your friends do, reflect on each other.

it's up the people looking at each of you to decide that really.