Has anyone done IVF and

not told family?

We have some friends that know , but still do not want to tell family for our own reasons.

I really would rather keep this under wraps until we are pregnant.... Am I nuts?

Re: Has anyone done IVF and

I guess its a personal decision. In my case, I could never go through IVF without telling my family. DH's family on the other hand, for personal reasons, knows nothing about us TTC or IF issues.

Re: Has anyone done IVF and

No you are not nuts. We did tell family, and I have regretted it many times. Telling my parents led to EVERYONE knowing, even though I thought I had made it clear I didn't want them all to know. Im getting prayer cards sent to me from distant friends of the family, which while they mean well, I just feel more pressure to succeed (if that makes any sense).

While it was great to know that they support us 100%, and my mom came down when we had the transfer and i was on bed rest, and it felt good to be taken care of, we've decided if we do this again, we're keeping our mouths shut about it.

That being said, it takes up such a big part of your life, that its hard to not talk to them about it. Best of luck to you and your DH whatever you decide for your personal reasons. I dont think you're nuts.

Re: Has anyone done IVF and

I think it's a very personal decision.

I told DH that should we not get pregnant this cycle, that I would like to let the cat out of the bag to our immediate family. While I have a tough exterior, I feel for me, in the chance we are not successful I will need all the extra support I can get. Thankfully, my IL's are not invasive at all, and will never ask questions about anything unless we offer information, and even then they are good about not going overboard.

My father and step mother know we have been having difficulty getting pregnant, but don't know the specifics. My sister knows everything already anyway b/c she's a doctor and I go to her with alot of my questions.

Re: Has anyone done IVF and

For me, it became such a huge part of my life that I knew I needed to have the support of my family. I'm not very good at keeping secrets and it was killing me to not have them know. That being said, there are definately times I wish no one knew!! You get some very strange comments. You can definately get away with not telling them so if that's what you want to do, it's doable!!

Re: Has anyone done IVF and

I have told 2 friends we are going to do IVF but no family - and I don't plan to tell them.

You are not nuts.

Re: Has anyone done IVF and

We debated this back and forth. With the birth of my nephew this week (which, as thrilled as we are, was hard on us), it somehow came out that we're undergoing fertility treatments. I don't think my family fully comprehends what's invovled. So far, no comments have been made.

I was ok with keeping this private.

Re: Has anyone done IVF and

With this past IVF we did tell our family - no friends, no co-workers - it was important to us to have their support and because it takes up a lot of time and your schedule will need to be flexible we found it easier to tell than not to.

It is however a very personal decision and you will know what is right for you

Re: Has anyone done IVF and

As I go further in my process (not IVF) I have tried my best to keep my cycles, treatments and plans between DH, myself and my doctor. The less people that know, the better off I am and the more focused I can be. Even family has opinions that pi$$ me off to no end and they have the best of intentions. It is bad enough that I can't make a baby with my husband in a traditional way so keeping things to ourselves salvages what intimacy we have left.

The entire process whether IVF, IUI or anything else is a hard one to swallow. I could explain the difference betwen IUI and IVF to people til I am blue in the face and people STILL think I am having IVF when I am not. Everyone thinks they know whats best for us. We have had advice to travel across the country and the world, we have been told to eat this or that, we have been told to take all sorts of supplements and frankly I am shocked that someone hasn't told me to hang upside down from a chandelier. They just don't get it.

Bottom line is that it is ok to be private about this. It can keep you focused and sane.