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happymrs
LIF Zygote
Member since 5/05 6 total posts
Name:
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deleted for the protection of the family.
Message edited 12/20/2007 4:52:21 PM.
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Posted 12/20/07 2:30 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
itkocak
Member since 7/07 7639 total posts
Name:
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Re: Repost from FHF -family related, but not my family
Message edited 11/15/2011 6:59:11 PM.
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| Posted 12/20/07 2:34 PM |
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neener1211
:-)
Member since 4/07 22952 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: please help!
I think your friend has to take it seriously, even if the girl was acting out previously. It will definitely come out in the therapy session whether it is true or not.
I am sure the husband will say it is not true etc.
It sounds like the wife believes the daughter, perhaps she suspects it as well?
I just want to give  to your friend, I just can't imagine.
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| Posted 12/20/07 2:39 PM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: please help!
Posted by imthekevinofcindyandkevin
You have to err on the side of caution in this case. Even if she is lying you have to give her the benefit of the doubt. Hopefully the therapists can sort through and get to the truth.
Good luck.
I agree 100%.
I know someone that was in almost the exact situation.
He talked his way out of it saying exactly what you mentioned. "She's mad because I won't let her see so & so" or "She's just mad that I won't take her here or there".
Ends up the girl wasn't lying and had to deal with the abuse for almost another full year until HE was caught!
This could be why she's acting out lately.
Good luck to your friend
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| Posted 12/20/07 2:42 PM |
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MsMBV
:P
Member since 5/05 28602 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: please help!
Posted by imthekevinofcindyandkevin
You have to err on the side of caution in this case. Even if she is lying you have to give her the benefit of the doubt. Hopefully the therapists can sort through and get to the truth.
Good luck.
ITA. Ever think that maybe her other behaviours are a result of abuse? Just something to think about. In either case, I hope she gets some help soon.
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| Posted 12/20/07 2:45 PM |
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bicosi
life is a carousel
Member since 7/07 14956 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: please help!
This happened to a gf of mine in HS. She rebelled HARD and it was mainly because her mom's younger BF was having sex with her (raping her) regularly. Anytime my GF tried to say anything to her mom, her mom would silence her and tell her that she was just jealous of her and her BF's relationship (mind you, my GF was 13 years old at the time).
My gf tried to commit suicide twice because of this (one time while she was on the phone with me and luckily I lived close enough that I could go to her).
She ended up seeking out her estranged father (who she didn't speak to because of a nasty divorce with the mother and the mother had gotten custody and moved her away from her dad) and moved in with him (we lost touch through the years because she moved out of state). I hear she's doing great now. She ended up in rehab for a bit and is now married with children.
I am so sorry that your friend is going through this.
I hope it works out. 
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| Posted 12/20/07 2:47 PM |
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Domino
Always My Miracle
Member since 9/05 9924 total posts
Name:
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Re: please help!
The worst thing to do is to NOT believe the daughter. All of her rebelling could be attributed to the abuse by her father.
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| Posted 12/20/07 2:51 PM |
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happymrs
LIF Zygote
Member since 5/05 6 total posts
Name:
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Re: please help!
My gut instinct is that it's true.
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| Posted 12/20/07 2:52 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: please help!
Posted by imthekevinofcindyandkevin
You have to err on the side of caution in this case. Even if she is lying you have to give her the benefit of the doubt. Hopefully the therapists can sort through and get to the truth.
Good luck.
ITA.
In the meantime, I wouldn't leave the stepdaughter alone with the father. I read an article on abuse where it discussed how with spousal abandonment, the remaining spouse starts to see the child in their lives as a "pseudo-spouse".
I pray it's not true. 
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| Posted 12/20/07 2:54 PM |
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happymrs
LIF Zygote
Member since 5/05 6 total posts
Name:
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Re: please help!
Can any of you think of anything I can say to make my friend feel better? I FEEL SO HELPLESS.
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| Posted 12/20/07 2:59 PM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: please help!
Posted by happymrs
Can any of you think of anything I can say to make my friend feel better? I FEEL SO HELPLESS.
I would start by asking her what her gut feeling is? If she looks back on things from a different angle now knowing this new information, does she think this really can be happening.
Believe me, it's going to be HARD to come to terms with it, but for the sake of the daughter she really needs to do something soon. And 6 days seems to far away to start.
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| Posted 12/20/07 3:04 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: please help!
i also think that it's important to tell your friend to tell her stepdaughter that if dad tries to do this again that it is PERFECTLY OK for her to tell him to STOP.
if this is true, then she shouldn't have to suffer even one more day of it, let alone six.
ETA: my gut feeling is that this is true; however, i am apprehensive given that she has had so many privileges revoked recently.
Message edited 12/20/2007 3:53:56 PM.
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| Posted 12/20/07 3:52 PM |
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lucyloo
nope
Member since 1/06 9758 total posts
Name:
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Re: please help!
If the girl was lying I think she would be more creative than that. Sad but it sounds like truth to me.
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| Posted 12/20/07 3:57 PM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: please help!
Posted by dita
If the girl was lying I think she would be more creative than that. Sad but it sounds like truth to me.
I agree.
I also agree with those who said that you HAVE to give a child the benefit of the doubt in this situation and get to the truth here.
I have an inkling that her acting out could have been a result of this happening.
Message edited 12/20/2007 4:10:18 PM.
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| Posted 12/20/07 4:09 PM |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
Name:
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Re: please help!
Posted by imthekevinofcindyandkevin
You have to err on the side of caution in this case. Even if she is lying you have to give her the benefit of the doubt. Hopefully the therapists can sort through and get to the truth.
Good luck.
ITA
And if it is true and the child feels comfortable enough to go to your friend (her step-mom) I think that speaks volumes to their relatiobship and just how much this child loves and trust the step-mom. She seems to be looking to her for protection.
Hopefully the therapist can sort it all out. In the next 6 days I would advise your friend to forgo the early bed time or to at least be vigilant over the comings and goings of her husband.
I can't even begin to imagine what she and the child are going through but my heart goes out to both of them. I think that your friend really needs to sort out her feelings and perhaps come up with some what if scenarios...and how she will handle them...like what if this is true.
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| Posted 12/20/07 4:26 PM |
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happymrs
LIF Zygote
Member since 5/05 6 total posts
Name:
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Re: please help!
Thank you all, ladies for your wise words and support.
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| Posted 12/20/07 4:51 PM |
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