Holidays

This is semi-pregnancy related/more family related. How do you split the holidays? My parents are divorced but get along really well. I've always gone to my mom's on Christmas eve - it's a big deal, and then to my dad's brother's on christmas day. Then we've driven into the city (from Suffolk)to see DH's family Christmas night. It's a long holiday for us and we just can't do it anymore. We've been exhausted without the baby and next year will be baby's first Christmas.

So, this year is easy - DH's family is in Europe with his sister this year. Next year they won't be. So, I have Christmas Eve & Day to split between 3 families - all who want to see their grandchild and us, but we just don't want to be everywhere & not get to enjoy our own day.

I told my Dad today - to forewarn him, that next year is going to be different. He got upset and said, "I can't even go there". So, no understanding response there. I called my mom to vent and her response was "well I'm not having your father here - it's not fair to my husband". I said, "well then you may just have to be the one that sacrifices not seeing the baby on it's first Christmas b/c DH def. gets one day with his family (esp. since they're not here this year). Anyway, now she says I'm threatening her which I'm really not - it's a reality - something's got to give. I feel like no one cares about us enjoying our holiday - it's about doing what they want.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Re: Holidays

We also split our holidays between 3 families (my parents are divorced and remarried)---we told them next year for Christmas we are staying home (everyone is atleast 2 hours away)----we said if anyone wants to come over, thats fine, but babys first christmas we are doing as our own little family.

Re: Holidays

Thanks for your response. Did they guilt you over that?
We're in Nassau, so is my mom & DH's parents. My Dad spends his holiday at his brother's (he's not remarried so he spends the night out there) in Suffolk. DH's parents go into the city for Christmas Day. So while doable to split the day, it's not enjoyable at all.

Re: Holidays

I know it's a tough situation... is there any chance that your inlaws may be willing to spend time with one of your parent's, or you mom go to your inlaws to cut down on that a bit. Granted my family is Jewish so it's not a big deal to them to go to my inlaws for Christmas eve so I may be oversimplifying this. Not sure if that my be an option. I too would not want my DH's ex in my home nor would I ever go to her's so I can understand where your mom is coming from. But maybe your inlaws cooperation may be helpful. Can you host a gathering of your inlaws and one of your parents? Or maybe shorten the visits once you have the baby?

Not sure this helps... I'm know I'm in for a battle next year too b/c my inlaws insist on hosting Christmas eve but their house is so tiny so I can't see where the baby and I will hang out... they tend to overinvite for such a small place. I too may just tell everyone that we will stay home and anyone who wants to come over can and if my MIL wants to cook - she's more than welcome to bring trays of food.

Message edited 12/16/2007 2:11:50 PM.

Re: Holidays

Re: Holidays

Why don't you try doing Christmas Eve at your house - have your Mom and her DH come earlier and your Dad can stop by on his way to his brother's...then go to DH's family on Christmas Day.


We had an issue like this when we first were dating and after running around like idiots one year, we decided Christmas Eve with my family at our house and Christmas Day with his.

Good luck...

Re: Holidays

I can only offer hugs - I don't have advice, because this has been a running problem at our house before we were married. There is guilt, and everyone gets selfish - My new favorite holiday is Halloween, because there is no drama.

I've grown to really dislike the holidays because of the endless conversations about who is going where - I dont even want to think about how bad it will get when the baby is here.

You are not alone with this problem!!!!

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I am in the same situation as you with 3 families to split between 2 days. This year we will go to DH Father's house on Christmas Eve and then split Christmas Day between my sister's house and then his Mother's house. We don't know how to juggle next year. One option is to have his parents come over Christmas morning and do a brunch and then go to my sister's. It will be less traveling for us with the baby. Our other option is to do Christmas Eve at our house with his Mom and tell his Dad he can stop over either then or on Christmas morning. It is so complicated that we end up saying we'll figure it out later. No matter how it changes someone will be upset.

Re: Holidays

Posted by Gertyrae

Why don't you try doing Christmas Eve at your house - have your Mom and her DH come earlier and your Dad can stop by on his way to his brother's...then go to DH's family on Christmas Day.


We had an issue like this when we first were dating and after running around like idiots one year, we decided Christmas Eve with my family at our house and Christmas Day with his.

Good luck...

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Maybe you could have your father stop by on Christmas morning, then go to DH's family.

I would think that if they want to see DC they would make some adjustments.

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I know - Dad usually spends Christmas Eve through Christmas Day out in Suffolk (spends the night) but someone, other than us, is going to have to make a sacrifice. I know I shouldn't even worry about it this year - but I get so resentful thinking about how my holidays are less than joyful b/c I always have to worry about making other people happy.

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we have 3 families to split between as well...christmas eve is DH dad, christmas day is either my parents or his mom, it switches every year...this year we will go say hi to my parents for a couple hours christmas day, but christmas dinner and what not will be at DH moms, then we will go to my parents boxing day for dinner...next year christmas day will be my parents with a short visit at DH moms and boxing day at DH moms...christmas eve will always be DH dads house