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if you practice law...i'm sorry, but this is hysterical!
No disrespect here, but I almost peed myself reading this........
These are froma book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things peopleactually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published bycourt reporters that had the torment of staying calm while theseexchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you thatmorning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved invoodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in hissleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a differentattorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to adeposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed ondead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would youlike to rephrase that?
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did yougo to?
WITNESS:Oral
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you checkfor a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive whenyou began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive andpracticing law
Message edited 12/13/2007 2:16:25 AM.
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Posted 12/13/07 2:09 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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yankinmanc
Happy Days!
Member since 8/05 18208 total posts
Name:
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Re: if you practice law...i'm sorry, but this is hysterical!
Not a lawyer, but pretty bloody funny!!
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| Posted 12/13/07 4:14 AM |
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sfp0701
Liam's Mommy!
Member since 1/07 9764 total posts
Name:
Tricia
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Re: if you practice law...i'm sorry, but this is hysterical!
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| Posted 12/13/07 8:08 AM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: if you practice law...i'm sorry, but this is hysterical!
Not a lawyer but I still laughed out loud at these!
"are you shittin' me"
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| Posted 12/13/07 8:14 AM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: if you practice law...i'm sorry, but this is hysterical!
Ahhh, during my days in litigation, I saw my fair share of these idiot moments! Too funny!
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| Posted 12/13/07 8:20 AM |
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Karen
Just chillin'!!
Member since 1/06 9690 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: if you practice law...i'm sorry, but this is hysterical!
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| Posted 12/13/07 8:27 AM |
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nbc188
Best friends!
Member since 12/06 23090 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: if you practice law...i'm sorry, but this is hysterical!
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| Posted 12/13/07 8:37 AM |
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ODonnell
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Member since 9/05 5983 total posts
Name:
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Re: if you practice law...i'm sorry, but this is hysterical!
These are great! I just sent it to the 4 attorneys I work with.
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| Posted 12/13/07 8:42 AM |
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GraciesMom
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 1636 total posts
Name:
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Re: if you practice law...i'm sorry, but this is hysterical!
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| Posted 12/13/07 8:54 AM |
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PotofLuck06
Our Baby Boy Is Here!!!
Member since 11/06 13241 total posts
Name:
Betsy
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Re: if you practice law...i'm sorry, but this is hysterical!
I laughed hysterically as I read these!!!
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| Posted 12/13/07 9:39 AM |
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MrsS2005
Mom of 3
Member since 11/05 13118 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: if you practice law...i'm sorry, but this is hysterical!
I've read these before, but it's still hysterical.
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| Posted 12/13/07 10:11 AM |
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Maathy317
Grammie's Little Man
Member since 2/06 3235 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: if you practice law...i'm sorry, but this is hysterical!
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| Posted 12/13/07 10:40 AM |
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TreAnt427
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Member since 8/06 8652 total posts
Name:
Tracy
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Re: if you practice law...i'm sorry, but this is hysterical!
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| Posted 12/13/07 10:47 AM |
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Re: if you practice law...i'm sorry, but this is hysterical!
That is soooooooo funny! They are seriously for real?
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| Posted 12/13/07 10:48 AM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: if you practice law...i'm sorry, but this is hysterical!
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| Posted 12/13/07 10:51 AM |
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BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
Name:
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Re: if you practice law...i'm sorry, but this is hysterical!
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| Posted 12/13/07 10:51 AM |
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Superkat
More a stranger than a friend
Member since 5/06 9730 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: if you practice law...i'm sorry, but this is hysterical!
Some of those are freaking hilarious!!!!!!!
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| Posted 12/13/07 11:00 AM |
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kms717
St Philomena Protect My Son
Member since 2/06 2747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: if you practice law...i'm sorry, but this is hysterical!
I personally like the one where the person asks for a new lawyer
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| Posted 12/13/07 11:09 AM |
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Phyl
R.I.P. Sweet Mia ♥
Member since 5/06 28918 total posts
Name:
The Mystical Azzhorse! ™
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Re: if you practice law...i'm sorry, but this is hysterical!
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| Posted 12/13/07 11:10 AM |
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