update on me

First of all I want to say thank you all for the replies and FMs that have really shown support. If I have not returned any FMs please forgive me, its been a long few days but I do greatly appreciate them.

Accepting the fact that I was thinking in a hormonal and irrational state on the day of my retrieval, I allowed my husband to communicate with the REs office and they are currently taking my 8 fertilized embryos to blast,and will freeze tomorrow.

MY RE agreed to do a fresh transfer if I signed a waiver releasing him of all responsibility if anything should happen to me. I signed the waiver, but luckily the voice of reason (DH) appealed to me in time to realize that I would be putting myself and the possible pregnancy at an enormous risk. My RE said I was facing a 75% chance of being hospitalized with severe OHSS. On Tuesday I didnt care because I was so upset but now I realize that it would not be an optimum way to get pregnant.

So it looks like in a month or 2 we will proceed with a FET. I feel like I have come too far to stop now. But I am also afraid that this FET will end like the other 2. My RE said there is no way of knowing if a fresh would have been a better route for me if the OHSS risk was not present, but in his opinion fresh or frozen should have nothing to do with miscarriages. That would make me feel better if he had some answers for me about my miscarriages, but when forced to speculate I can't help but come up with my own theories. Right now I am trying to buy into the "everything happens for a reason" thing, and if next year at this time I am holding my baby I am sure I will be grateful that things worked out the way that they did. But for right now I just pray that I do not have to endure another heartbreak, because I dont think I can take it.

Thanks again for the well-wishes, please keep em coming in the upcoming months

Re: update on me

I'm glad you thought it through...and as someone who has had severe OHSS (I ended up in the hospital the day after transfer with severe dehydration throughout my body, had to have my abdomen drained, gained 20 pounds in two days and spent four days in the hospital) I can vouch that it's a horror show. Plus, the odds of getting PG during that cycle were pretty slim since my body was such a mess for a full ten days after transfer it would have been a miracle for an embryo to be able to stick. Add to that the fact that the symptoms get worse if you get PG and you have serious problems.

So, in the long run you are doing the right thing and I can only pray that you ARE holding your baby next Christmas.

Re: update on me

I posted a long reply in your other post but I wanted to say here, I think your doing the right thing and I cant imagine how hard these decisions are for you.

I know the pain too well and my heart breaks for you right now and I will pray for you that a year from now this is a memory when your child is in your arms.

LOTS of luck!

Re: update on me

I am glad that you had some time to reflect and digest all that you have gone through!!!! It is so very hard to deal with infertility!

OHS is very dangerous (I was there) and you need to take care of your body so that it can take care of the embryo! Now your body will have time to heal and prepare itself for the transfer! Just try to keep your body well hydrated (lots of gatorade)!

I wish you and DH lots of luck & love in 2008!

Re: update on me

i read your other post too and i just want to wish you so many
the decisions and choices during the IF experience are probably the hardest ones ever.

unfortunately, not trying anymore in an effort to protect your heart will still hurt your heart. it's so difficult. i'm so sorry you have suffered losses, i know the pain. i agree with dm24angel about trying a counselor. dh and i went to one that specializes in IF and it really helped us. please feel free to fm me for her info if you are interested.

my thoughts and prayers will be with you always.



i don't know if it's inspiring or too hurtful to know that my twins are the product of a fet. i hope it's inspiring and i apologize if it's not, but i was certain it wasn't going to work and it did.

Re: update on me

It souds like you have a very good DH too. Regarless of what you decided to do, I am so glad that you didnt make a rash decision that you could possilbly regret later. I am glad you had some time to think things through.

I will likely be doing an FET myself sometime in the not too distant future after several failed cycles. I know how frightening this all is, so many many and thank for the update

Re: update on me

Best of luck to you...

Re: update on me

I'm glad that you reconsidered. good luck!