What are your feelings on this...

My BFF's mother in law has been dating a guy who is 30. He's younger than her oldest son who is (32). She's almost 50. Since she met this man her life has taken a turn for the WORST in every way possible. Before she met him she had a GOOD job and was making GOOD money, we used to see her all the time, and she was happy. A few months after being together, they got engaged and he ended up moving in to her apartment. Since then...her life has gone to HELL!

Well..we were right! Here's some of the reasons why:

1. He had trust issues w/her because his ex wife cheated on him, so he constantly accuses her of cheating.

2. He thinks going to school FULL TIME is a priority over having a job

3. She lost her job due to her getting sick. (Wasn't supposed to be a permanent situation, but it has turned into one because she is constantly sick or hospitalized. We all know it's due to stress..but she denies it).

4. He isn't working and doesn't plan to look for work until he finishes school.

5. He attempted to join the service, so that she would reap the benefits, and they denied him because he owes child support. So on top of not working..he's a dead beat. Not only that but his wife won't allow him to see their son..wonder why???

6. He uses her apartment and their relationship like a revolving door..in and out all the time. sometimes disappearing for days at a time and her not knowing where he is and she keeps taking him back for whatever reason.

7. He recently put his hands on her and she called the cops to have him thrown out. Unfortunately they told her they couldn't throw him out because he resided there. B.S!!! It's HER apartment and he is NOT on the lease!!

** (Keep in mind this woman has 4 FULLY GROWN children (all men)**.

She called the 2 eldest sons to tell them about the incident where he shoved her and they wanted to beat his arse!! They held back because she had thrown him out. Well...low and behold 2 weeks later...she let him back in and they were LIVID! She didn't tell them, they found out from their baby brother who lives in the house w/the mother and boyfriend. They made it clear to her she is welcome around them, but not her boyfriend, which of course she is upset about.

Ok so this is just a LITTLE of what's been going on. There's more..but I would think this would be enough for her to ask him to leave. Since she met this "man" she has had nothing but problems and her life has gone downhill. She's about to apply for welfare and disability because she may not be able to work anymore, and to top it off the hospital wanted her to commit herself to the psych ward because of her depression. She refused, but is in the hospital AGAIN.

What would you do if this were your mom? I mean she's not a child..she's a grown woman..and we are afraid and worried she's going to end up hurt or dead if she stays with this a-hole!

Message edited 12/3/2007 4:04:22 PM.

Re: What are your feelings on this...

I think having her commited for 72 hours for obsevation is all you can do. You can't make her get rid of the bf or change her life. She has to want to do that. I would make sure I wasn't doing anything to enable her at this point.

Re: What are your feelings on this...

I think the sons should beat his @ss and toss him to the curb. Maybe not the most productive but hopefully effective.

Re: What are your feelings on this...

Re: What are your feelings on this...

Unfortunately she is an adult and under the age of 65 where it could be constituted as Elder Abuse so there is nothing you really can do Are you guys close? Could you have her over for coffee and talk to her woman to woman?